Episode: 64
The Real Reason It’s Hard to Make Big Choices
a Solo Episode
This trick to going with your gut is so helpful and memorable, you’ll turn to it over and over again.
You can use it anytime you feel torn, uncertain, or scared about how people might react.
Because going with your gut always changes the trajectory of your life. It just does.
Don't just trust your gut.
Learn to KNOW your gut is right.
Listen on:
You have to let the future you and the heart and what you're drawn toward, go, Hey, over here. Leave the pack and come in this direction. And when you do that, things magically align.
Mel Robbins
Transcript
Mel Robbins (00:00:03):
It is really hard to find the courage to make a decision that is the right decision for you. We are so quick to consider what everybody else is thinking. We're so quick to weigh how our decision is going to impact somebody else's feelings. That's why we don't trust our gut, and I've been dying to talk to you about this, about how you really tune out other people, how you find the clarity and the quiet to hear what's right for you, how you feel it. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I have been looking forward to talking to you all week long because I just got done with spring break. And let me tell you, it was such a memorable spring break. I just want you to close your eyes for a second unless you're driving a car and I want you to just picture the absolute spring break perfection.
(00:01:04):
Maybe you imagine beautiful sandy beaches, tropical waters, my tie in your hand. You're just laying there with a good book like a beached whale, sunning yourself with not a care in the world. It's quiet, nothing to do, nowhere to go. Wouldn't it be amazing? That is not what happened for me over spring break. Nope, not me. We have a college bound rising senior in high school. That's a fancy way to say. We have a junior in high school and he does sports, which means our April vacation, the time of year, I look forward the most to getting the hell out of New England, disgusting, muddy weather and going somewhere in Florida or somewhere else where I can see the sun and I can tan my zombie gray body. That did not happen this year. Nope, not at all. We piled into my husband's pickup truck and we did college tours.
(00:02:00):
Now, it was fun. It was fun, but I did not get tan. And there were a bunch of things though that happened. I learned some things about myself that I'm going to share with you. These are very ugly traits of mine. I was not on my best behavior during college tour week. I will explain why in a minute. But I did learn some really incredible things about trusting your gut and about the outside forces and influences that override what you know is true for you. It's really hard to find the courage to make a decision that is the right decision for you. And it's hard because we are so quick to consider what everybody else is thinking. We're so quick to weigh how our decision is going to impact somebody else's feelings. That's why we don't trust our gut. And so I'm going to talk a lot today, and I've been dying to talk to you about this, about how you really tune out other people, how you find the clarity and the quiet to hear what's right for you, how you feel it.
(00:03:12):
The interesting thing about this is that I learned this from watching our son Oakley this week because if you really think about college tours, if you are at this point in your life or if you remember what that was like, or even if you didn't go to college, but you were weighing, am I going to go into the military? Am I going to go to a tech school? Am I going to go work and get a job? Because that's what I have to do. It's a moment in your life where you have a big decision to make and you're weighing options. And it's also this moment where everybody around you has an opinion. Everyone around you. I remember when I was touring colleges back in the 18 hundreds, no, it was 1985, the spring of my junior year, and I was not the world's most diligent student, but I happened to be a phenomenal test taker.
(00:04:13):
So I take the SATs and I destroyed it. I don't know how it happened, but I destroyed the Acts. No, the SATs, sorry. It was the SATs. And so I'm like, that's it. I'm going Ivy League, let's go people. And I was in a small town in western Michigan, so hello, geographic diversity. Nobody in my tiny, tiny high school, which had a graduating class of 73 people. Nobody left the state. I mean, we were a feeder school in the seventies and eighties for Central Michigan University for Michigan State for ish. Nobody went out of state. That was unheard of. And so we loaded up the wagoner and loaded in the dog, and we drove across country stopping at the family farm in Buffalo, New York for the overnight. And we went from one school to the other school. Now being a complete moron that grew up in Western Michigan, I had no idea there was no internet.
(00:05:14):
I didn't know that half of these Ivy League schools were in cities. So we pull into these, I'm like, this is not what college looks like to me. And we finally get to Hanover, New Hampshire, Dartmouth College, and we pull in, we park on the main street. I knew Jack shit about this school. I step out onto the town green, right in the center of campus. I'll never forget it. And there were students everywhere. There were playing Frisbee, there were dogs running around. And I said, this is college. And I remember going back home after that spring break trip with my parents and going into math class. And I'll never forget this happening. And Mr. Beaver, my math teacher, and I was a fantastic math student. I was a real math wizard, English, forget it. I can barely speak it with this dyslexia that I have and the mispronunciation that I'm sure that you pick up on all the time, Mr.
(00:06:19):
Beaver asked me, so how you doing? What do you think? And of course, I was wearing a Dartmouth sweatshirt. Now that I've decided it's Dartmouth, you got to buy the swag people. I mean, that's what I also realized about college tours these days is that these kids rack up sweatshirts. It's not only the tour. It's like, okay, let's go to the co-op and let's buy shit from a school that I don't even intend to go to because I got to get the swag to show that I went here. So I'm wearing the Dartmouth sweatshirt. I've just gotten back, and I look at him and I say, oh, I'm going to apply early decision to Dartmouth. And he looks me square in the eye and he says, that's a very hard school to get into. Are you sure? And I said, yeah, I'm sure. And he said, you better not get your hopes up.
(00:07:04):
And he walked away from me. And you know what? That's all that Mel Robbins needs. There are some of us that when somebody says it's not going to happen, you're like, oh, yeah, fuck off. Watch me, motherfucker. And so I of course did not ask him for a recommendation. And I ended up applying Ed and I got in and look, I don't know that I would think I would get into Dartmouth today. I mean, this was the 18 hundreds that we're talking about here. And I was coming from a tiny school where no one had ever even applied to Dartmouth College, Western Michigan. I had everything working for me. I end up going, and that was that. But it was that one person's voice, oh, it's really hard. That really influenced me. And if I hadn't been such a son of a bitch, it might've made me go, oh, he's right.
(00:08:00):
Who do I think I am? And so that brings me to present day. So present day, we go on these college tours with Oak, and we have two older kids. And when our daughters looked at universities, I was really good. I actually didn't care. I just wanted them to go somewhere that they were going to be happy. And so I was a super cool mom on these college tours because I honestly could care less. I didn't want to go to any of the schools that they looked at. I thought that their choices were fantastic. I wanted them to fully own the process. And here's the thing, none of them looked at my alma mater because they couldn't get in and they weren't interested in it anyway. And so I went through two college tour processes, just having a ball like, oh my God, this is so cool.
(00:08:49):
Okay. Oh, you like this? Oh, you don't like that? Learning about my kids. So fast forward to last week. We get in the car and we start driving to all these schools in New England because one thing that our son is really clear about is he does not want to leave New England. And I've even tried to influence this. I'm realizing as I analyze my own participation in his college process, I'm kind of a freak. I've been a little micromanaging. He's very clear. I do not want to be in a city. And yet I'm still like, you want to look at bu he's like, mom, that's in a city. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. You want to look at Syracuse, mom. It's in a city. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. What about Michigan Mom? It's not New England. Maybe you should look at Colorado schools. Mom, I'd like to stay in New England. I like the fall seasons. Well, what about Elon mom that's in the South?
Mel Robbins (00:09:38):
I can't help myself, you guys. I don't know what is wrong with me. So we go on the first tour, and there's a couple of things that I noticed about myself and about our son as we went through the week. I was not on my best behavior when we got to my alma mater. And I think it's important to share this with you, to confess to you what I did, because I played a role in trying to pollute my son's clarity. I'm kind of embarrassed about it, honestly. I never thought I was that parent. I always said very vocally to our kids, look, I got to go to the school that I wanted to go to. Your dad got to go to the school he wanted to go to, which was UVM. He fricking loved it. I fricking loved Dartmouth. We already had our college experience. You have to choose where you want to be. And by the way, I'm not putting the bumper sticker on the car, some sort of flex to other parents. I'm not going to buy the sweatshirt. This is your experience. I'm not that person. And I think it worked because I think it took the pressure off holy shit. When Oakley said, mom, I think I'd like to look at Dartmouth. I became a sociopath.
(00:10:57):
Honest to God, I don't know what got into me. And here's the thing that's kind of weird about it. The truth is, I fricking loved Dartmouth. It is an incredible school, but I hated myself when I was there. We're talking, I mean, the 1980s circa version of Mel. I was unmedicated. I had undiagnosed trauma, undiagnosed anxiety. I basically fooled around with just about everybody I met there. And I did not take advantage fully of all the opportunities that were presented to me. And if I could go back and do it all over, I would be a different human being. And so as much as I loved that school, and I have a couple incredible friends from there, I look back on my college years and I'm like, oh, I haven't ever even been to a reunion. I didn't own a Dartmouth sweatshirt after I graduated, mainly because I was afraid that if I wore one Dartmouth alums come up to each other, that I'd be bumping into people I'd fooled around with.
(00:11:59):
Chris was like, Jesus, have you fooled around with everybody that you went to college with? I'm like, you should thank them, because I have a lot of skills because of that. But anyway, I digress. So Oakley goes, and it was like, I think I want to look at Dartmouth. He's got the grades. He would honestly probably love it. And so I'm trying to be not like, oh my God, this is incredible. I'm like, oh, okay. That sounds like a good idea. Fuck yes. So we pull up on the campus, and it was sort of synchronicity because it looked like the exact same kind of day as when my parents and I pulled up in 1985, Bluebird Sky kids all over the green Frisbees dogs at Oakley steps out. And he starts looking around, and I'm thinking, I could see him here. Now I'm fast forwarding, right?
(00:12:56):
I'm going, oh, yeah, I could see dropping him off. I could see him walking across that green. I'm starting to get invested, you guys. I'm starting to think, oh yeah, this is a good pick for us. This would be really cool for us. And in fact, and now I'm starting to tell myself this story, and I got to be honest with you, I've never been this person. Something came over me. It's like I became a psycho alum possessed with this alma mater kind of just hysteria. And I'm thinking, oh my God, if he goes here and he has an incredible experience, then I'm going to get to relive it in a whole new way. And I will redeem myself and I will get to love this school even more. And I'll get to go to his reunions. I never went to my reunion. And I'll start to do, and I start to get completely enraptured in the story, and I can come up for the games and oh, yeah.
(00:13:48):
And then there's Winter Carnival and oh my God, summer, summer session. I forgot about summer. And I start to just get this tornado of enthusiasm. So then we go upstairs and we're sitting down and I'm like, oh, yeah, this is a way better info session than the other Dartmouth's really cool. They're doing it right. I love this. It's the right people. And then they take us out. And I loved, as we're walking down the stairs and the stairs are made of marble, and you can feel like the dip in the stairs. The buildings are so old and oakley's like, Ooh, these stairs are cool. I'm like, that's because these stairs are 200 years old, Oakley. They're the same stairs as when I was there. So we get out on the green and they now separate us out, and there's four tour guides. And the one tour guide on the right is this kid named Nico, and he's super cool, and he's wearing flip flops and shorts, because of course, all the Dartmouth kids wear flip flops and shorts in April because it's New Hampshire in the midwinter mud season.
(00:14:49):
And he's wearing a hoodie and sort of toe walks his way on his slides, and I'm like, Oakley, we got to go with Nico. So now I'm even pushing him to pick the person thinking if he gets that tour guide, because the kid plays Ultimate Oakley plays ultimate. He's like a really kind of cool kid who's into kind of musical oakley's into theater, okay, we're going to get this kid. So I'm like, inching Oakley. I am literally that parent. The tour starts and I am that parent. I'm pushing us toward the front. You got to hear him, you got to get up close, get up close. He's like, mom, Jesus, and I can't help myself. You guys. He's talking about the credits and they have a wellness credit. That's pretty cool. And I'm like, do they still require you to pass a swim test to graduate?
(00:15:34):
And he's like, actually, no. And I'm like, oh. And he's like, there was a swim credit. And so now I'm basically leading the tour, and at one point Chris puts his hands on my shoulder and just ever so gently pulls me back towards him and he's like, Mel, let's let Oakley go on the tour. And I'm like, oh, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just so excited. I'm so excited. And then the college tour went right past my freshman dorm window, Russell Sage people, that window. I had a flashback to the last day of freshman year when completely unorganized, undiagnosed anxiety ridden. A DHD. Mel had not planned on the fact that in order to get home to Michigan, she was going to have to board a flight later that day. And I had not packed anything. And so I finish exams, I walk into my dorm room and I have a complete fucking panic attack because I don't know what to do with my shit.
(00:16:45):
So you know what I did? I popped the screen off the window and I started putting stuff out the window, and then I put a bunch of pieces of paper on it that said, free. And I left. That's what I did. Disaster, Mel. And so I imagined literally the yard sale of shit from the dorm fridge that we had bought to God knows what we had collected to lamps, to the rug, to odds and end right at there on the lawn on Russell Sage. And I'm telling you this for a particular reason because at one point on the tour, as I was hanging back, we had just left the engineering school and Oakley's kind of just walking with the students up front. And I'm hanging back with Chris and we're chit chatting about some stuff, and I'm realizing, Mel, you got to just fucking chill here. You got to let him just make the decision. You can't put pressure on him. Oakley turns around and he says, what do you think?
Mel Robbins (00:17:55):
And I said to him, it doesn't matter what I think, it matters what you think, but I'm telling you this story because I think that moment where he turns around and says, what do you think? That's what we all do when we make decisions, isn't it? Whether you've got somebody annoying like me going, oh, you'll be here and Oh, you should do this and you should do that. You should do the other thing, and you should break up with this person, but you should go with that person, but maybe you should be busy or you don't. We have this reflexive nature, don't we? Or instead of tuning in and going, I could see myself here, or this relationship is over, or I don't want to do this job anymore, or could I see myself here? Or what do I want to do next? We turn around and we go, what do you think? And that's where we lose our power because it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks because you're the one that's going to have to live with the decision. So we were just doing college tours for the past week on spring break.
Oakley Robbins (00:18:55):
Yeah,
Mel Robbins (00:18:57):
Well, it was actually great. I loved spending the time with you, and I loved just watching you go through the decision making process.
Oakley Robbins (00:19:07):
And
Mel Robbins (00:19:08):
We went to the first school. Remember that one?
Oakley Robbins (00:19:10):
I do.
Mel Robbins (00:19:11):
And it was a hard no,
Oakley Robbins (00:19:13):
Hard no.
Mel Robbins (00:19:15):
How did you know where in your body?
Oakley Robbins (00:19:18):
Just my whole body.
Mel Robbins (00:19:20):
What did it feel like to have your body experience a no. And how quickly did it happen for you
Oakley Robbins (00:19:26):
For the first college? I'd say 30 and 30 minutes happened in 30 minutes.
Mel Robbins (00:19:32):
What's a no feel like?
Oakley Robbins (00:19:36):
Just very uninterested. Unenthused feels very closed off. Just I don't want to be there anymore. I feel out of place i's what a no feels like for me.
Mel Robbins (00:19:48):
Does it happen in your body first or in your mind?
Oakley Robbins (00:19:52):
I think it starts in my mind, and then I know over time I'm like, yeah, my whole body starts to agree.
Mel Robbins (00:19:59):
Okay, second school.
Oakley Robbins (00:20:03):
Yes.
Mel Robbins (00:20:04):
That was a yes.
Oakley Robbins (00:20:05):
It was a yes.
Mel Robbins (00:20:06):
Big yes,
Oakley Robbins (00:20:06):
Big yes.
Mel Robbins (00:20:07):
And that school happens to be my alma mater.
Oakley Robbins (00:20:13):
Dartmouth?
Mel Robbins (00:20:15):
Yes. Dartmouth College. And I was having my own sort of existential experience going on that tour because my parents had dropped me off 37 years before we toured that campus. And the tour walked right in front of my freshman dorm window. And so for me, I was just back in my head back at that school that I had graduated from 33 years ago. And neither of your sisters could have gotten in, and they weren't interested in it, and we didn't even look at it. And so when all of a sudden you're like, I'd like to look at Dartmouth, I was like, oh my God, I didn't even consider one of my kids that. This is incredible. Was it weird to have a parent on the tour with you that went to that school?
Oakley Robbins (00:21:17):
Yes. Yeah,
Mel Robbins (00:21:19):
You can call me out.
Oakley Robbins (00:21:20):
Yeah, it was weird. How come? It was weird because on the tour we'd be walking and the tour guide would say something and then you'd be able to go into depth about it or you'd talk about all these mini traditions that happen.
Mel Robbins (00:21:34):
Was that annoying?
Oakley Robbins (00:21:36):
I knew that I wasn't going to let your opinion or dad's opinion affect me because this is my next four years, the next four years of my life. And so no matter how you felt or what you said, I was not going to let it affect me. There was one point where we were walking and you were saying something about how my application for Dartmouth needs to look like this and it needs to have this in it. And when I ed here, it's going to need to show this and this and this. And I turn to you and I just say, how do you even know I'm going to apply here? Because you had already had this vision of me applying and going here because we had different perspectives, but I wasn't going to let that get in my way.
Mel Robbins (00:22:20):
So how did you get to a yes? What does a yes feel like? Because you're really sure about this school.
Oakley Robbins (00:22:26):
Yeah, a yes is super open. You feel lots of possibilities. You feel like you're in the right place, you feel comfortable. You can see a bunch of different opportunities and possibilities in this space, stuff like that.
Mel Robbins (00:22:44):
Yes. So it's easy to picture yourself and something feels
Oakley Robbins (00:22:47):
Expansive. Yeah.
Mel Robbins (00:22:48):
That's super cool. There was one other thing I wanted to just have you really share with everybody. So there was another school we looked at later in the week. That was a hard no for both of us. Took about five minutes.
Oakley Robbins (00:23:02):
Yes.
Mel Robbins (00:23:04):
And I think that you get better and better at reading your gut when you're actually tuning into it. Would you say that's true?
Oakley Robbins (00:23:11):
Yeah, for sure.
Mel Robbins (00:23:12):
By the end of the week, you were making calls like this.
Oakley Robbins (00:23:15):
Yeah.
Mel Robbins (00:23:16):
And I think it's because you had spent the week being in your body as you've been making these decisions. So you're getting better and better and better and faster and faster at reading. This is opening and possibility. And I could see myself here, and this is a hell no. And I feel like constricted in the energy draining. And at this school where you were like hard, no. Five minutes in Chris Oakley and I are one another.
Oakley Robbins (00:23:45):
No, you were texting me and I was not looking at my phone because that is disrespectful to the info session people, so No,
Mel Robbins (00:23:54):
That's true.
Oakley Robbins (00:23:54):
You were texting me. I was not texting you.
Mel Robbins (00:23:57):
That's true.
Oakley Robbins (00:23:58):
Don't drag me under the bus with
Mel Robbins (00:23:59):
You. I was hiding behind somebody so they couldn't see me, but I was
Oakley Robbins (00:24:02):
Staring. They was
Mel Robbins (00:24:02):
Staring at the people.
Oakley Robbins (00:24:03):
They probably
Mel Robbins (00:24:03):
Can. Okay, so I was texting you and after the info section, you're like, Nope, not even going on the tour. And then do you remember what this particular school did on the tour? Because I think this is a great metaphor for learning how to trust your gut.
Oakley Robbins (00:24:18):
Yeah, they split up the kids in the parents on the tour. So there were basically two separate tours going on at the same time. One for adults and one's for kids.
Mel Robbins (00:24:27):
Why did you think that was interesting?
Oakley Robbins (00:24:31):
Because when you're a kid and you're touring colleges, your parent is essentially your guide and you look to them for answers and praise or denial. And so maybe you're liking a college, so you want to see if they also like it. And if they don't, you may feel as though, oh, well then I shouldn't like this one because they don't like this one, or I should like this one, but because they like this one. And so the tour guide split it up because when you're on the tour, you no longer have someone to turn to and ask if they like it or not. You just are on that tour with yourself having to feel about it, about in your body, understand your body.
Mel Robbins (00:25:22):
I think that's an incredible metaphor, Oak. See, I think the metaphor of that college splitting parents and kids into two separate groups is a great visual for how everybody needs to make decisions. That there's a group of people whose opinions you're weighing, and right now they're on a tour with you, whether it's your friends or it's your family, or it's your boyfriend or your girlfriend or significant other. There is somebody that you turn to and go, what do you think? And they're right on the tour with you in life. And when I think about how you make gut decisions, I come back to this visual of imagine all those people that you want to turn and go. So what do you think about this? Imagine them being on a different tour. You're there alone assessing what you need to do.
Oakley Robbins (00:26:20):
And so you're just in your head thinking about what you think of it.
Mel Robbins (00:26:22):
I think you need to be in your body.
(00:26:25):
And for those of you who just went, what are you talking about? You make a decision with your body. That's not how you do it, Mel. You got to get a spreadsheet. You got to weigh the pros and cons. Why do I have a brain if I'm not using it to make decisions? Well, believe it or not, we're going to get into some of the science that is actually not how you make decisions. The science shows that we make decisions in our body first. Our brain is just interpreting the signals that our body is telling us. And so much about making decisions that are right for you is about learning how to read the signals in your body, how to feel your way into it, and finding the courage to move in that direction, even though your brain might go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Everybody in your family went to you. M what are you doing? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't transfer. What are people going to think? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Get a divorce. Are you crazy? We're Irish Catholic people. Don't do that here. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You mean apply to nursing school after you're divorced? People don't do that. You can just do that.
(00:27:39):
Yes, you can. And the more that you realize that there is so much magic for you to discover in your life, but it's going to require courage. And I'm going to prove to you that your instincts are always right. The problem isn't your instincts. And that's why I don't want to talk about trusting them. I want to talk about the fear that you have in following them. Because nine times out of 10, when you truly tune in and you allow yourself to feel the decision, it's going to require courage because it's going to disappoint people and it's going to require a change,
Mel Robbins (00:28:17):
And it's going to require you to learn something new and it's going to require you to step away from the pack. And that's fricking terrifying. And that's why we don't do it. Speaking of this metaphor of the two tours, I have an incredible story to add to this, but I need to hit pause.
(00:28:34):
Let's hear a word from our sponsors when we come back. I want to dig into this idea of other voices with two stories that will really bring it home for you. So stay with us. Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins, and we are talking today about finding the courage to make decisions that feel right for you. And we all know we need to, but it's really hard to do it because it requires courage. And I was just explaining this metaphor about a college tour and this university that separated parents from students and how that frees a student up to consider a school and consider their decision without the energy of their parents or the influence of it. And as we were talking about this before, the taping as a team, everybody at the table had a story about other people's voices or their own concerns being the cacophony that was causing doubt. And Amy, you had an amazing story about when you used to run a marketing and copywriting agency, and you have to tell this story.
Amy (00:29:48):
Yeah, sure. So my story is that I was in a mastermind, which is kind of like a tour, a bunch of people together doing things with their businesses that they want to do, achieving goals together and patting each other on the back and supporting each other. So one day I showed up at the mastermind and I said, you know what, guys? This is what I'm going to do. This is my next big thing.
Amy (00:30:12):
I am going to make what I made last year in this next month. Wow. Yeah. Well, I had heard that this was like, it's a thing that people do. I mean, it's not like it wasn't my idea. I had heard it from somebody else, and it was just, if you want to take your business, and at the time I did, I wanted to take my business to the next level. And if you really believe in yourself and or want to find out what's holding you back, try to make what you made last year in one month.
Mel Robbins (00:30:45):
Can I ask you a question?
Amy (00:30:46):
Yeah.
Mel Robbins (00:30:46):
So since we're talking about gut instinct, when you heard somebody say that you can make a quantum leap, if you're willing to find the courage to go, that's it. Next month I'm making what I made last year, next month in my business. Did you feel it in your gut? What was the process of even going? I'm doing that because that's pretty courageous and bold.
Amy (00:31:11):
I see how you say it's courageous, but at the same time, nobody made me do it. It was my decision. And if I didn't do it, everybody would say, oh, well of course you didn't. Good try.
Mel Robbins (00:31:22):
But I meant when you heard about it, was there something that happened that you remember that was like, ding, ding, ding, I'm doing
Amy (00:31:30):
That. What happened? I
Mel Robbins (00:31:31):
Just felt
Amy (00:31:31):
Like I want that quantum leap. That sounds amazing. That sounds like living life. That sounds like I'm going to be in a different spot and that is going to change me, and I think I'm going to really love that. It's almost like if you think about the tour analogy, it is the future where he was
Mel Robbins (00:31:49):
Like, no, no, no. Come over here.
Amy (00:31:51):
Exactly. It really was. It was like, this is your next step, and it's a big one. Wow.
Mel Robbins (00:31:56):
Okay, so you're running your copywriting and marketing business.
Amy (00:32:00):
Yes.
Mel Robbins (00:32:01):
You go into this mastermind,
Amy (00:32:03):
All these people that are supposed to be supporting me,
Mel Robbins (00:32:05):
And what
Amy (00:32:06):
Happens and dead silence after I announce that everybody was just mentally regrouping from what I had to say, and it was just total silence. And I said, well, I mean I've heard other people do it. And I was just like, what do you guys think? Not because I wanted to know what they thought, but I just was like, why is everybody so silent? And then the voices started talking and the voices of everybody in my mastermind group. Well, how are you going to do that? I never heard of that before. Why would you want to do that? You can't do that. You need a longer runway. You can't do it next month. How much did you actually make last year? What are you thinking? What is this going to do for you? Why would you want to put that on yourself?
Mel Robbins (00:33:03):
And when that started happening, what did you feel? I
Amy (00:33:05):
Felt assaulted almost in the sense that I knew that this is what I needed to do. I knew that this was right for my future self, and I couldn't believe that people weren't supporting me and couldn't see that I could actually do this. I really couldn't believe that people were holding me back from it. But there was this one woman, I will never forget her.
Mel Robbins (00:33:33):
What does she look like?
Amy (00:33:35):
Well, her name is Rich Wright.
Mel Robbins (00:33:37):
Okay.
Amy (00:33:37):
She is an American Sicilian. She lives in Michigan and
Mel Robbins (00:33:42):
We love her.
Amy (00:33:42):
She is a ball of fucking fire. And she said, I think everybody should back off. Amy's actually going to do this. And she basically told everybody to shut up.
Mel Robbins (00:33:55):
She's like, I'm taking a different tour, Amy with me.
Amy (00:34:00):
And that's what happened, Mel, actually, because she, and she said, really,
Amy (00:34:06):
One of the things that she said that I remember is if she wants to do it, why wouldn't you let her try it? Why are you guys trying to convince her she can't? And I love that because if I could do it, it meant they could do it. And if I could do it, it meant we all would be a better group because I did it. But look at what they did instead. They just said, no, no, you can't. You can't. Maybe because they didn't want to have to do it. I did.
Mel Robbins (00:34:30):
You do it.
Amy (00:34:32):
I did do it. What I did do it. I'll explain to you what happened. I committed to it, and I'll never forget this two weeks into my commitment to myself and my group, even though they could care less except for Rich Wright, I got a phone call from a current client that said he's a creative director and I work for him, and we kind of work on jobs together. And he said, our mutual client has asked me if you would like to write 10 eBooks in the next month and name your price. She needs this and she knows you're the person to do it. I will never forget, I was on Route 6 84 around the Mount Kisco exit and the phone rang and as soon as it rang, I saw who it was and I was like, this is happening right now.
Mel Robbins (00:35:30):
Oh my God, I love that. That was super cool. Cool. I love that.
Amy (00:35:33):
It was an amazing feeling. Wow. It was the feeling that I wanted. It was that feeling that I was hoping I would have when I took on that
Mel Robbins (00:35:45):
Challenge. It's interesting, as you were describing this, I was immediately back in class with Mr. Brown going, you're not going to get in there. You better not get your home snap. And I didn't have the relli, right? I had to be that for myself.
Mel Robbins (00:36:04):
I had to be like, fuck you, fuck off. Watch me fucking do this. And you have to do that for yourself because it's a gift. I remember we just started a walking group here in southern Vermont this morning, and there were like 25 women that showed up, and there was this one woman that was super cool. Well, everybody was cool, but she was telling the story about how she recently went back to nursing school after getting a divorce. And it was because she had a Relli Wright next to her was like, well, you want to be a nurse? Just go back to school. She's like, that's all you need to do. It is because when somebody says, just go back to school or just get the divorce or just change your job or just move, they are saying, come on this tour.
Amy (00:36:46):
And
Mel Robbins (00:36:46):
For that moment you allow yourself imagine what life would feel like. And that's what the yes feels like.
Amy (00:36:58):
And all those people in my mastermind group, they didn't want to be open to that for me, and maybe even for themselves too. I think we don't do that a lot. We don't say what's possible now. We say like,
Mel Robbins (00:37:14):
Well, what's the next fucking thing I got to do? It's so true. And that's why I love this metaphor of that moment of going on a college tour because it is a moment where you contemplate very intentionally your next move. And we all have that opportunity in our lives at any moment
(00:37:37):
To basically go, okay, the tour I'm on is headed over here, and it's these voices. And your story is about very loud voices chiming in kind of the way I was with the annoying way on the Dartmouth tour. But I also can think about periods in my life where I was the annoying voice because my emotions were the emotions of all those people. But you can't, but we're going this way, but this is how we do things. But what are you going to do? But you don't know how to do that. But that was me during the entire experience of being in law school and being a young lawyer, knowing I don't want this, and yet being that negative voice for myself, but you can't do this, but everybody's going this direction, but what are you going to do? You don't know what you're going to do then you better do this.
(00:38:32):
And yet, and here's the thing about life. I do believe that there is something specific that's meant for you. And I do believe that what's meant for you will not pass you by, but you'll waste years, decades, even of your fucking life moving in the wrong direction because you will not slow down and tune into what you know is true, and you're afraid of it. You're afraid of it. That's why I keep saying it requires courage. And yes, you will ultimately end up where you need to go, but you can save yourself the headache, the heartache, and the breakdowns that, and the years that you will waste in the wrong direction. Do I regret going to law school? No, because it's a decision that I made. But could I have gotten where I am without it? Of course, I could have. Of course I could have. And I didn't have to torture myself the way that I did. And if anything, I love this visual of the tour. I love the visual of parents going off in one direction with their opinions and their agendas, like your mastermind group waddling off in that direction. And then there's another choice. There's the future. You going, no, no, no, no, no. Come on over here.
(00:39:52):
Come on over here. And let's just take a tour of what life could look like. It doesn't mean it's going to happen, but I think in even finding the courage to allow yourself to imagine it,
Amy (00:40:04):
And that's the part that I was saying when you were like, oh, that was really brave. It was like, yeah, and if it didn't happen, you're saying it doesn't even mean it has to happen. If it didn't happen, I would've still learned a lot. I would've grown a lot, and I would've known what it's like to feel the support of somebody like Relli was for me in that moment. And that would've been great for me to know, and it would've been okay even if I didn't make it. And I think that that's why I wasn't really that scared, because I knew that I would learn so much, and it did happen to happen for me. And that was great. And I absolutely feel like it was a fast forward button that I pushed my
Mel Robbins (00:40:47):
Life.
Amy (00:40:48):
I love that.
Mel Robbins (00:40:49):
Oh my God, you have the courage to push fast forward,
Amy (00:40:52):
Fast forward. And of course, when I was in that fast forward moment, I had got a lot of work. I had a lot work I to write those 10 eBooks. And then after that I got a ton of work. And guess who I turned to when I had too much work and I needed to subcontract
Mel Robbins (00:41:09):
Rich, right? Rich, rich,
Amy (00:41:11):
She was right there. Part of the success.
Mel Robbins (00:41:14):
Wow. I love that. I love that.
Amy (00:41:16):
And still, she comes up in my feed sometimes and it's like my heart just glows when I see her name behind me.
Mel Robbins (00:41:26):
And what's cool, everybody is I want you to also realize that you may be on a tour with your own negative voices or a tour with critical voices or a tour with parents or friends or family that's influencing you to stay somewhere that you're not meant to stay. The second that you break from that tour and you join your future self, you catch up to a tour of people that are on the same path.
Amy (00:41:53):
And I just got the chills when you said that because that's what I always wanted from life, is my people that I know that have the same vision that I can support that are supporting me. To me, that's really living. I always look around and say, I remember being in grammar school and looking at my class and being like, we're just random people in here. We don't really belong together. You're family. Sometimes you're just random people. And I always love to be in the company of other people that are just in the same jet stream that I am in the same, on the same inner tube
Mel Robbins (00:42:28):
Kind of. Yes, yes. It's interesting though. I think it's more often than not that the voices that you're hearing are the ones that you're making up. So as we were talking this morning as a team, Cameron on our team was also sharing a story about how she applied to Indiana University and knew immediately as she was dropping it, not for me, not for me, way too big. It's too far away. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. And the voices that kept her there were her own concern and fear. Same as me in law school. What are people who transfer are losers? What are people going to think? They're all going to judge me? And the truth is nobody is going to.
Amy (00:43:17):
And she, even when she was telling that story, her dad said to her, well, you can transfer. And she just swatted that away. It's like, I'm not
Mel Robbins (00:43:26):
Transferring,
Amy (00:43:27):
I'm not doing that.
Mel Robbins (00:43:27):
People are not going to do that. That's your own story. Same thing that I did to myself in law school. And that sets up the story I want to tell you
Mel Robbins (00:43:34):
Because I think whether you identify with Amy and you have people around you saying you can't do that, or you identify even with the experience that Oakley's with where everybody's weighing in on the decision and everybody's asking, and there's a ton of pressure and you got to just tune it all out. A lot of us struggle with our own voices, our own insecurities, our own fears. It's not even that other people are telling you what to do, it's that you're so busy looking around and being concerned and making up stories about what other people are thinking and about your own emotions that you can't A settle yourself down and be honest with yourself about what's actually not working and what you really want.
(00:44:18):
And B Lord knows you can't find the fucking courage to do what you know you need to do. And for me, that is Mel Robbins circa 1990 to 1990. Shit, it was a long time. It was 19 99, 9 years of my life. I was on a tour listening to my own insecurities. And let me tell you what happened. In fact, when I was our son's age, I was an emotional wreck. And that's one of the things that I want you to understand about decisions that we make, decisions like it or not with our emotions, that you feel your way into every decision. And I'm just going to prove this to you really quick with some science before I tell you about circa 1990 to 1996, Mel Robbins, there was a famous researcher named DiMio, he's still alive. I dunno why I'm calling him in the past tense.
(00:45:22):
And he had this incredible body of research. It's literally one of the most cited studies in decision-making where he basically figured out that we don't make decisions with our brain, we make decisions with our body. And I'm going to give you a super simple example. I don't need to explain the science. We will link to it in the show notes if you want to read all this stuff. But Demio is the guy that everybody cites. But I'm just going to give you an example. Out of your own life, if you are sitting at a restaurant and you're looking at a menu, how do you make a decision about what you're going to order? Now, for some of you, I know you're like, I got to wait till everybody goes last and I always order last and I got to see what everybody else does. But at the end of the day, if you're looking at a menu, and let's just say you're like, okay, do I get the pizza?
(00:46:09):
Do I get the burger? Do I get the wings or do I get the salad? Ultimately, there's this subconscious moment where you drop out of your head into your body and you ask yourself this question, what do I feel like eating? What do I feel like eating? Now I realize if you're the person that goes last, I'm often the person that goes last because I like to eat a lot of different things. So I like to wait and see what my husband has ordered. That way I know that I might order something different because that way I can feel like eating two different things. So it sounds like I'm using my mind, right? Not really, because by the time it gets to me, what do I do? I go, oh, he had the burger. I feel like the salad, you always consult how you feel.
(00:46:52):
Do I want to go to that party tonight? I feel tired. Nope, I don't. And oftentimes when you have to make a decision, that is a decision that is for your higher self, you got to push through negative feelings. Don't you got to join in with the future that knows that getting out of the house and going to the party. Once you get there, you're going to feel great that you win. It's getting out the door. That doesn't feel good. You got to step onto the tour away from your feelings and with the future, you got to be your own tour guide at times. So I'm going to go back to that thing that happened at that school where they separated the parents and the kids. Why? Because that school's smart enough to know that when a kid is around their parent, their parents' energy completely fucks with the kid's energy, and the kid starts acting in a way that will make their parents happy.
(00:47:48):
And the kid starts turning around and going, what do you think? What do think about this? How do you feel about this? Instead of tuning in, how do I feel about this? That's what you need to ask. So let's get back to Mel Robbins, the disaster when it comes to trusting your gut. So when it came time for college graduation, I didn't have a job, and all of a sudden everybody scatters. Nobody tells you this part about college that you're like with this pack. And then boom, everybody scatters and you're like, oh my God, where's everybody going? I didn't know what to do. I just panicked. And so I became such a reactive decision maker. Remember how I said, if you're not careful, your emotions make the decision for you? My main emotion was, I'm fucked. I don't want to be left behind. Oh my God, I don't know what to do.
(00:48:39):
And so I just lurched at my boyfriend. He had a job at the Fed in dc. I went with them. I get there. I have no idea what I want to do, so I go get a temp job. The first job they put me in is working for a big law firm in Georgetown. I spent the first six months of that job sitting in a windowless conference room in Georgetown working on a class action lawsuit where a bunch of states were suing some garbage bag company that had claimed that their garbage bags were biodegradable. And apparently, according to these states, they weren't biodegradable. So I was part of this huge lawsuit as a just little, I don't even know what you call it. I was in a windowless conference room filled with boxes of paper, and I had in my hand this thing called a bait stamp. And a bait stamp is like, you know when you go and you travel somewhere and they stamp your passport? It's the exact same stamp, but it numbers and dates, paperwork, and I hand stamped boxes of paperwork every day, all day for months.
(00:50:05):
I hated that job. I had so many paper cuts, I was bored out of my mind. The only thing that I looked forward to is that if I worked 10 hours a day, they gave us $30 for dinner. And so I worked every day to get that damn free dinner, and I just stamped and stamped and I swore to myself I would never, ever work in a law firm. But then something happened. Everybody I knew started applying to graduate school, and I thought, I don't want to be left behind emotions. Did I ever stop and intentionally go, what do I want? No, I did not. Why? Because I was looking around. I was on a tour with everybody else. I was so busy going, what is everybody else? Do they like this school? Are they going to school? What am I doing? What are we going?
(00:50:52):
Where are we going everybody? I dunno. And so I applied, where do you think I applied everybody? Law school, even though I knew deep down, if I fast forwarded and I looked at what my life would look like, every single lawyer in that law firm was freaking miserable. They were miserable people. I was miserable there. I knew that I wasn't going to be happy, but I was so driven by my emotion. I just started doing and reacting and panicking, and I followed everybody else because everybody else in that windowless conference room, Bates stamping, they were applying to law school too. I'm on the tour with these people. So I'm going. So I get to law school, and here's the funny thing. I got waitlisted and I knew I was relieved. But again, the emotion, I'm on the tour with everybody else. I'm not stopping to consider what's actually going to work for me.
(00:51:54):
And so I do everything I can to get off the wait list. And I go and I get to law school and I'm like, I hate this. I hate this so much. I get panic attacks before I go to school. Maybe that's a sign that this isn't a place for me, not for Mel Robbins. Why? Because I'm still on a tour with everybody else. I'm still sitting in these classes with everybody else who seems to like this. I don't like this at all. I'm having nightmares at night. I'm having panic attack after panic attack. Do I quit? No. Why? Because I am not able to center myself. I am so overrun by emotion. I am so overrun by turning around and going, what do you think? What do you think? Should I quit? Should I not quit? What do you think? No, you should stick it out.
(00:52:37):
No, you shouldn't quit. I don't know what I'm going to do. But here's what I did know. I knew that I didn't want to be a lawyer. I knew that I didn't see a future doing this, but I kept at it. Why? Because I was so influenced by everybody around me. And it's almost like when you step into a current like that, it's like jumping in the Colorado River. You start a major and all of a sudden it takes you down the river and it feels impossible to swim against the current. But it's not. Not at all. But it takes courage, doesn't it? To say, this isn't for me. It takes courage to go, I don't want to work for a law firm or the attorney general this summer. In fact, that freshman year, there's this kind of infamous story about me that I got a job with the Michigan Attorney General after my first year of school.
(00:53:28):
Because again, I didn't know what to do. Everybody seemed to be doing this, and I didn't want to swim against the current why? Because it takes courage. But I got into this job, and here I am driving 45 minutes each way from North Muskegon, Michigan to Grand Rapids, Michigan. The entire drive, I was so anxiety ridden that I don't remember commuting for an entire summer. I was that out of my body. My whole body was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, you don't want to do this. I would go into the attorney general's office and I would sit and talk with the other interns most of the day. The attorney general pulled me aside and gave me this huge research assignment and said, I want you to do a research project, Mel, where you research all of the recidivism rates, meaning the rates of return to jail among people, felons, because I want to understand what types of crimes have people returned to jail. I want to know the recidivism rates. We can understand what programs are working and aren't working. I didn't crack a book. I didn't do the research project.
(00:54:41):
I ghosted the attorney General of Michigan near the end of the summer. I walked into work. I got called into his office. I made up some lie about how the project was going, and I left. I left. I ghosted. I quit. I literally ghosted before ghosting was a thing. I'm not proud of this by the way. I, again, was undiagnosed with anxiety, undiagnosed with trauma. I was in the wrong place and my body knew it. And that's the other thing. If you continue to go on the group tour and you continue to ask people, what should I do? What should I do? What should I do? You will waste decades of your life doing the wrong thing. And ultimately, your body and your spirit will have such a revolt that you will be forced to confront the truth, which is you were not meant to be doing that thing.
(00:55:35):
And you knew it, but you stuck with it because you didn't have the courage to do something else. And ultimately, I didn't have the courage. I graduated from law school. I ended up getting a job as a public defender. I actually loved that job, oddly enough. But we then moved to Boston and I was back in a fucking law firm. I could have worked anywhere else, but I was back in a fucking law firm. Why? Because it seemed like the easy thing to do. That's why I am saying that trusting yourself, slowing down enough to go, wait a minute. How do I feel about this for real? Do I really see myself here? If I fast forward and I go on a tour with my future self, I take myself on a tour of my life? Is this the life I want?
(00:56:26):
Because if it isn't, you will know. And that's why I keep saying it's going to require courage. And what ultimately happened for me is I didn't get courage that that's not even something that I can tell you that I got. What happened is I got pregnant and I had a baby. Her name is Sawyer. She's now 24 years old. And when I was on maternity leave, I had such a mental health breakdown that I finally got clear that I could not go back to that job. And that's all you need. See, you don't need to know what direction you need to head toward. You don't need to know where it's leading you. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. That kind of clarity I hadn't had yet. I just finally had the courage to say, I can't do this anymore. The gig is up.
(00:57:22):
And remember what I also said? You hear the no louder than the yes. And so if you're sitting here going, I got to take my future, me has to take me on a tour. I got to tune out what my spouse thinks, what my boyfriend or girlfriend thinks, what my family thinks. I got to fast forward and I got to ask myself, do I picture myself in this life a year from now? And if the answer's no, you damn well better get on a tour with the future year and start feeling out what you want to do. And all you need to know is not this, not this anything but this.
(00:57:59):
Anything but this. And so I said, anything but this. And then you get into reality. And it's amazing what happens when you have a problem to solve. So you're a great problem solver if you give yourself a problem to solve. And the problem that I had is, okay, if not this then I got to find something that'll pay me $60,000 a year because I got a mortgage to pay and I don't have a trust fund. And if I can find something that I do for $60,000 a year, that's not the law. I've just won the jackpot. And so I took myself on the tour with the future me, who was not working in a law firm. And I'll tell you what, I have never hustled so fucking hard in my entire life. It took me four weeks flat to network my way into a job that paid $55,000.
(00:58:45):
And that was good enough for me because I figured I'd do odd fucking jobs for 5,000 to cover the difference. And that's how I started to find the courage to follow what was true for me. So whatever wake up call you're having right now, because I think you're probably realizing there's an area of your life where you are literally kind of surrounded by loud voices, whether the loud voices are your own fear or your own story, or the voices of your parents. I remember when we were going to move to Southern Vermont, and one of the things that I was really worried about is my mom and dad because my mother-in-law lives here and we're going to be living close to her. And my folks are in Michigan, and I know my mother does not like this state for various reasons. And I just thought, oh God.
(00:59:44):
Oh God. And to their credit, they have been very supportive of the move. But I was on the tour with them weighing the decision instead of being on the tour with myself, there's my dog barking. I can hear 'em in the background. We're up here above the garage in southern Vermont. And so you got to notice, when are you turning around going? What do you think? When are you realizing that you've taken all these other people on the tour with you when really you need the future year you to go, no, no, no, no. Come on over here. Let's just kind of time travel forward. Let's consider this decision of going back to nursing school. Let's consider this decision of stopping the crying and stopping looking backwards, and we're not doing that anymore. Let's consider what it looks like if you start to put your life back together. Let's do that. And it's not easy. I'm not saying this is an easy thing to do. I'm saying it's the thing you need to do. There's a difference between something being easy and something being right. I noticed Jesse, who runs video production here, is starting to get all teary-eyed.
Jesse (01:00:47):
Shocking. Yeah. Hearing you guys say that. These life-changing moments, these pivots that you ultimately have to make yourself, and you have to have the courage to make it yourself. I did that when it was after my
Jesse (01:01:04):
Sophomore year in college. I was a pharmacy major. That was not my gut. I knew it going in, signing up for college. I don't want to do, I don't want to be a pharmacist, but I'm going to do it. This is all I know.
Mel Robbins (01:01:17):
Why was it all you knew?
Jesse (01:01:18):
I worked in a pharmacy in high school, counting pills after high school. I had my job at Harris Teeter grocery store. Loved it. Thought this is the only thing I know. Guess I'll be a pharmacist. So I just look back hearing you guys say that because it's like, I'm just so proud of that 20, 21-year-old Jesse who made a fucking huge pivot and was scared shitless. And I
Mel Robbins (01:01:45):
Did it bring to that moment.
Jesse (01:01:47):
It was the summer I had to do summer school for organic chemistry. Two. I passed organic chemistry one, not so much organic chemistry two, which is why I had to do summer school and I had to take a test. I was back home for the summer, took a test and my professor pulled me after the test and was like, I don't remember his name, but he's like, do you really want to do this? You are not doing so great in class, so of course, no, no, I don't. You called me out. Thank you. I don't want to do this. I'm not going to, I can't wrap my head. Organic chemistry is so hard, period. This is just not my thing,
Mel Robbins (01:02:29):
Right?
Jesse (01:02:30):
So after that, of course I sobbed. I'm going home. I've got all my books for the, I think it's the psat, the pharmacy school books that you take. I've been studying my ass off trying to make this just fit this into my life. So I was like, I have to change my major. I don't know what I'm going to do. So changed it to broadcast journalism. And here I am with a now 14 year career in broadcast, and I'm just so proud of that girl. She did it. And I have had such an incredible career so far that I'm really proud of. That is not pharmacy. It's what my heart wanted that I always knew I wanted. I didn't know anyone going after this path. I didn't know anyone who wanted to do broadcast journalism. I didn't know anyone who was going to stay an extra semester because I changed my major. How did you
Mel Robbins (01:03:28):
Know find the courage, given that you were going to have to stay an extra semester, that you didn't know anybody, that you didn't know the career path, you just felt pulled towards it. How did you find the courage to do it?
Jesse (01:03:46):
I wish I had a clear answer, but it was something that I wanted to just try.
Mel Robbins (01:03:51):
Where did you feel it in your body?
Jesse (01:03:53):
Oh, in my heart. In my heart, for sure. And sure enough, when I changed my major and changed all my classes and added an extra semester, when I went back to school that fall, I was like, I have to find an internship. So I found an internship with the football program and that was just again like, good job kid. You did that with no one helping you because I wanted to. I was my own little tour guide.
Mel Robbins (01:04:17):
There you go. You were your own little tour guide. And I think that is a huge takeaway from this. You have to be your own tour guide in life. You have to let the future you and the heart, and you're what you're drawn toward. Go, Hey, over here, leave the pack and come in this direction. And when you do that, things magically align. And I think that's the other thing that Amy and I were just talking about, which is we think we're going off alone, but there's actually a whole nother group of people you're catching up to.
Jesse (01:04:48):
Yes. And now some of my best friends,
Mel Robbins (01:04:51):
Yeah, you got, you got to trust that. Oh my God, so
Jesse (01:04:54):
Cool. Thank you. Thank you guys for sharing that. It just made my heart tick a little bit.
Mel Robbins (01:05:01):
Well, I think that's the whole point of this conversation, that whether you're catching yourself from influencing somebody else, which is a big one, or you are realizing that you have been on a tour heading in the wrong direction, and it's time for you to find your future self and walk in a new direction. That's exactly what I wanted. I wanted this conversation to make your heart flutter and this conversation to remind you that you've done this in the past and to remind you that you can do it again and again and again and again. And it will never not require courage because it requires you to step out on your own.
(01:05:44):
Beautiful. I really hope that you've gotten a lot out of this conversation. This is exactly what my vision is for our Monday episodes. Like you and I are taking a walk together. And to me, what I've learned over the course of this week and all these conversations is so powerful. We all know we need to trust our gut. That's duh. The thing is how. So take away, number one that I want you to leave with is stop saying, trust your gut and start saying, I need to have the courage to make decisions that are right for me. Second, feeling, feeling, feeling. Give yourself the ability and the time and the quiet to drop into your body and feel whether or not the decision or the direction opens up possibility, makes you feel like you're growing and thriving. It levels you up. It may be scary as hell.
Mel Robbins (01:06:43):
I mean, think about Amy's story. How the hell are you going to do 12 months of revenue in one month? You just declared that.
Mel Robbins (01:06:49):
Who the fuck does that? You do. If it feels like a part of you is opening up? There you go. There's your decision. If it feels like a part of you is shrinking, oh, I'm going here because everybody in my family went here. I'm a doctor because everybody in my family is a doctor. I live here because everybody lives here. That's not the right decision. And finally, when you do drop in and you allow yourself to step onto a tour with the future you, you're going to feel the no first. Listen to it. You're going to feel the yes because it feels like an opening. Find the courage. Alright, I think that's all that I got in case nobody else tells you today. I love you. I don't care where you went to college. I believe in you. I believe in your ability to tune out the noise, to step onto a tour with the future you, and to walk into the direction that you know is right for you. Alrighty, I'll see you in a few days. Go Dartmouth. Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician for professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.
(01:08:34):
Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, bye. God, please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe.
Resources
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- National Library of Medicine: Believe it or not, your heart has a “brain” too.
- Don’t believe it? This video explains how your “heart brain” works.
- Science Daily: Wisdom is a matter of both heart and mind.
- Big Think: Intuition also comes from your gut.
- Scientific American: How your “second gut” influences your mood.
- Discovery: Scientists have mapped where emotions are felt in the body.
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