Episode: 54
How to Handle Negative People: 6 Strategies to Protect Your Peace
a Solo Episode
You spend so much energy trying to stay positive—but what about protecting that energy from the people and situations that drain it?
You can’t afford to let anything chip away at your vibrant and optimistic life force.
Learn to protect your peace and stand strong in your power.
In this episode, Mel dives deep into practical strategies for protecting your peace, staying calm under pressure, and taking control of your emotions with 6 simple strategies.
Listen on:
When you become radically generous with your positive energy, with your compliments, with your enthusiasm, with your love, it spreads unbelievable waves of joy and positivity.
Mel Robbins
Featured Clips
Transcript
Mel Robbins (00:03):
Today we are talking about how you can protect yourself from other people's bad moods, how you deal with annoying coworkers. And boy oh boy, do we have a juicy question at the end of this conversation today about Gossip one, you're going to learn how to put up an energetic force. Field. Two, we're going to talk about strategies for how you protect yourself from other people's bologna. And three, I'm going to teach you how to keep yourself in a positive mood because that means no matter what's going on around you, you can be a force for good. So let's jump right in.
(00:36):
Hey, it's your friend Mel, and today you and I are talking about how to be a force for good. So get ready for a fun and energizing episode of the Mel Robbins podcast. Oh, I'm so excited for today. I'm Mel Robbins. I'm a New York Times bestselling author and one of the world's leading experts on change and motivation and habits. And today I am bringing it, man, because we have got an important topic. I even put on a blazer and now I'm starting to overheat. And so I know what we are going to be talking about. So I'm going to get comfortable. You can hear me taking my blazer off. We're not going to be serious today, but we are talking about a serious issue today. We are talking about how you can protect yourself from other people's bad moods, how you deal with annoying coworkers.
(01:30):
And boy oh boy, do we have a juicy question at the end of this conversation today from Celeste about gossip, you are going to just love her question. And I'm so excited because we all have stories about dealing with people who are like energy suckers. And I am bringing some stories today, but I want to make sure that you leave with some tools. And so I not only got some of the fun stories you're going to relate to from my own life, but I've got really visual metaphors and tools that are simple to remember. They're sticky. You can teach 'em to anybody. And so one, you're going to learn how to put up an energetic force field. Two, we're going to talk about strategies for how you protect yourself from other people's baloney. And three, I'm going to teach you how to keep yourself in a positive mood because that means no matter what's going on around you, you can be a force for good and you can protect your own energy even when people are testing your patients or trying to suck your energy dry. So let's jump right in with a question from a listener named Veronica.
Veronica (02:36):
Hi Mel, It's Veronica. in the workplace, and I'm sure in other spaces too, I find that there are some people who, whether they are conscious of it or not, project their panic and anger in emails and communications, which more often than not turns my fine day into panic and anger as well. They are people who kind of bring the house down with 'em. How can you hear what they are saying and not be emotionally affected by it?
Mel Robbins (03:04):
Thank you, Veronica. That example of the emails when you get a text in all caps or you get one of those emails where you can hear the edge in somebody's voice and you're just like, why are you doing verbal diarrhea at me right now through this email? You would not speak to me this way. And I have this story. So I was in Los Angeles last week and we were checking in at the front desk and this woman comes huffing and puffing from the elevators and she's doing that kind of walk where people are, they're really hustling and shuffling on the floor and their elbows are really pointy like they're trying to pump their arms to make them walk even faster and with more authority. And she had this high pony and it was swinging in the air and she had a really fancy piece of luggage she was dragging and duffle bag.
(03:55):
And then there was this woman behind her kind of huffing and puffing behind her too. And they walk right up next to us at the front desk and she kind of slams her hands on the table as Chris and I are in the middle of talking to the woman who's checking us in. Now, keep in mind the woman who's checking us in, it's probably nine 15 at night in Los Angeles. She looks like she's probably 24. And I assume, given that I have a 24-year-old daughter and I have a 22-year-old daughter that she has probably a recent college grad who is majored in hospitality. And now she is in a two year intern program where she is working in a hotel in a city she doesn't live in. And she's got that kind of big blazer on that doesn't fit quite right and you can tell that she's exhausted.
(04:47):
And so I got this huffy, puffy, annoying woman next to me who is clearly entitled and she's angry. What is she angry about? Oh, well, the doors to her balcony, they don't close all the way. I didn't even know there were balconies on the rooms in this hotel. I mean, I'm not in that kind of room. So she starts venting at this woman, venting at this 24-year-old woman in a hospitality internship program who does not have the authority to do anything who is clearly exhausted and who by the way is not responsible for the door to your balcony not working. And so why are you just vomiting on this poor gal? And you could see the life force just drain out of this woman who was standing at the front desk and she apologized. She said she would get the manager who wasn't in and would be in the morning, and then the woman huffed and she puffed, well, what are you going to do about it?
(06:00):
Now, I can't stand people like this. There is no reason not to be kind to other people. There is no reason not to ask for help in a polite manner because the people that you're asking for help from almost never responsible for the thing that's not working and the person that's emailing you at work who's all frustrated because of the Q4 numbers and the client this and the, you're not responsible for the stuff that's stressing them out. And so here's what I did in that moment because a couple things happened in that story. Number one, that woman's bitchy behavior and entitlement, it's like contagious. And when somebody's yelling at you, whether it's an email or you're separated by the front desk at the hotel that you're working at, it still gets all over you. I think about the visual almost like
Mel Robbins (07:05):
If you've ever walked your dog and they jump into muddy water or they roll in the mud, or heaven forbid you're walking on the beach and there's a big nasty rotting fish on the beach and your dog runs right up to it before you can get to the dog. And now your dog is rolling all in it and it's like, and then they run over to you. And what does a wet dirty dog always do? When that dog gets up to you, they shake. And when they shake all of that negative, nasty, muddy fish, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, it just hits you. And when somebody is in a positive or a nasty mood, it's like a muddy dog shaking and that energy gets all over you. And so it's critical in these moments that you protect your energy. And for me, I normally speak up when I see this kind of thing because normally I have really great energy and I'm not going to let somebody get away with that. But the truth is I was really tired. I had just flown across country and we were in town to do something that was weighing on my mind and I just didn't want to get into a fight with somebody who clearly had an ax to grind with absolutely anybody. And I'm not going to change this person anyway. And so what I do in those moments when I start seeing that muddy dog shake or that my ponytail start flapping her mouth and being rude is number one, I take a deep breath. That's it. I just take a deep breath and there's a breath technique that you can use called 4 7 8. I don't remember who came up with this. I'm sure some we'll put it in the show notes, but you breathe in for four seconds, hold it for seven, then out for eight.
(09:04):
And I read somewhere that the eight part is the most important because when you breathe out for longer than you breathed in, it sends a signal to your nervous system that it's okay to relax. And the 4, 7, 8 breathing technique will start the relaxation response in your body. And so if you get that all cap text from a friend or you get that really rude email from a colleague or you're standing somewhere in public and some jerk is annihilating the person and you just don't have the energy to go, Hey, you don't have to be rude about it, do the 4, 7, 8 breathing technique to signal the relaxation response in your body to protect your energy. I have a second tactic that I love. Oh my gosh, I love this. Here's the visual.
Mel Robbins (10:09):
I use this all the time. In fact, I just use this in a different situation last night. I call it the snow globe. So have you ever had a snow globe as a kid? It's that glass ball and in it they have these typically around the holidays or if you go to a museum or a gift store at a theme park, they tend to sell them there. I don't know why, but it's this glass ball and in it is usually some sort of scene. So imagine a holiday tree, some reindeer, something like that comes to mind. Or you could think about the palace. What's that? Cinderella's palace at Disney. They probably have snow globes with Cinderella's palace at Disney. What happens when you pick up a snow globe and you shake it all of that crap in, it starts flying around. You know what that crap is? It's like that wet dog mud. Think about a snow globe the next time you are around anybody who gives you attitude. Because when you picture the person like the chick with the high ponytail trapped in her own little snow globe, and there she is bitching and barking about something and spewing her negative energy everywhere. But if you think and picture her having her tantrum in a snow globe, lemme out of here.
(11:35):
And all of that sparkly stuff is what gets shaken up. And all the negative energy, if you visualize her inside the snow globe, you can laugh at her and it doesn't get on you. So I use this even like a couple days ago I was at a coffee shop and again at another airport and we were standing in line and we ordered coffee and they were super, super busy and it was taking a long time. And I looked at the watch we had 20 minutes before the flight was going to leave and Chris was getting testy with me. He's the kind of person, my husband, that we have the opposite travel languages. So I have my travel language is be the last person on the plane, get to the gate as late as possible without missing the plane, spend as little time in the airport as possible.
(12:24):
Chris on the other hand, he basically likes to stroll through an airport. He likes to sit at the gate for a while and get comfortable and read his book and enjoy his coffee. He loves getting there early. And so we have the exact opposite travel language. He has agreed to stand in this long line with me to get a cup of coffee. He's starting to get agitated, not quite snow globe agitated, but you can tell he is getting nervous and his coffee comes out. And so I say, why don't you take it and go and hold the plane for me? I'll be right there. So he leaves and now it's taking a minute and another minute and another minute and I start to realize, holy cow, I'm going to miss this plane. I start to realize, holy cow, I actually need to leave. And so I go to the counter and I say to the woman, they are really busy.
(13:15):
I mean, you can tell she's stressed and I'm not like the lady with the ponytail. I just lean forward and say, Hey, is the drink for Mel about to be done? Otherwise I'm going to just have to say, give it to somebody. And she had a tantrum. I'm doing the best my hand. She erupted. See, when somebody throws a tantrum,
Mel Robbins (13:37):
Here's what I know. What I know is they're having trouble tolerating all the negative emotion that they're feeling. This woman behind the counter is feeling a ton of pressure. She's behind, she's frustrated. I'm sure other people have been rude to her. And my question to her, it was the straw that broke the camel's back. She just couldn't handle the negativity and the stress anymore in her body. And so she had a tantrum. She exploded at me, whatever. She's allowed to have a tantrum.
(14:05):
It's a stressful job. I get it. And because I can picture her inside her own little snow globe, having her own little tantrum, all the sparkly stuff flying all around her, that's her negative energy. It stays inside the snow globe. I said, no problem, totally understand. And I left and went to my plane. And you know what? I didn't let it bother me. And that's the beauty of these strategies. See, there are always going to be people and situations in life that are triggering. The world is full of jerks and people who cannot tolerate their own emotional experience. And when you do the 4, 7, 8 breath to trigger a relaxation response inside yourself, you take control. When you visualize it is whether it's the colleagues sitting behind their desk and they're stomping on their keyboard, having their own little tantrum in their little cubicle inside their little snow globe.
(15:02):
You protect yourself. And that way, these emotional vampires that are out there in the world and these emotional vampirey type situations that drain you and your energy, they don't impact you. And this is so important because when you look at the research around human connection, our brains are programmed to connect with other human beings. That's how we're wired. It's part of our biology, our physiology. In fact, we seek out connection. We want meaningful bonds because when we do that, it not only feels good, but your brain releases oxytocin, which is a wonderful feel good chemical in your brain. It rewards that kind of thing. And if we feel disconnected, we feel unsafe. And in fact, if we're around somebody else who's stressful or weird or hostile like the chick with the ponytail, do you know what happens? Your brain releases yet another chemical. This one's called cortisol, and cortisol is the stress hormone.
Mel Robbins (16:10):
And so you immediately not only sense that something's off with this person, but you also have this chemical physiological response. I think that's why we often label people's behavior as toxic or icky or gross because it feels that way to you, just like a dog that is shaking and gets their mud all over you. And I think we know common sense wise that people's moods and energy are contagious. But there's a new study by scientists at Oxford and Birmingham universities that show that bad moods, they're not only contagious, they're more infectious than good moods. And on top of all of this, your brain has something called mirror neurons. Mirror neurons are amazing because what they do is in nanoseconds, they can process and register any human being's, facial expression, body language, tone of voice. It's absolutely unbelievable. And what ends up happening is your mirror neurons make you start to mirror the same emotions as the people around you.
(17:19):
This is why when you're watching a movie and that sappy music comes on or somebody in the movie starts to cry, your mirror neurons are what are triggering you to start welling up too. And they also work for the positive. If you look at somebody eye to eye and you hold eye contact and you flash a huge toothy smile, it takes less than five seconds for the mirror neurons, the person who you are looking at and smiling at to kick in. And that person will not be able to help themselves but smile back. And this is important for you to know because it works both for the good. You can catch really good energy, and when it comes to bad energy, that's easier to catch. So that gives you a bunch of things that you can use. It gives you the science for why this is important. Now I want to go a layer deeper and dig into how to deal with this specifically at work with a question from a listener named Kay.
Kay (18:22):
Hi, Mel. It's Kay. I want to become empowered to improve my work situation. So I want to ask you about unhealthy work environments and the side effects they manifest. Where should I start making changes?
Mel Robbins (18:36):
Well, one thing I want to acknowledge really quickly is that you do have the power to change this because positive energy is also very contagious. And if you protect your energy, you can take proactive steps to call people out on their behavior. And so that's what we're going to talk about now. And I want to bring a study into this because there was a new study by the Workforce Institute at UKG that found that 69% of people say that their managers have the greatest impact on their mental health, that their managers had the same level of impact on their mental health as their partner or spouse at home. Now, this was more than the impact that their doctor or therapist had on their mental health. And this was a huge study. They looked at 3,400 people across 10 countries. And so you are right, negative people at work, particularly a manager, really bad for your mental health because you can't fix them.
(19:44):
And for me, there are two types of jerks out there, and we've already started to kind of unpack this, but I really want to highlight this for you. There are the jerks that are just entitled, I believe the woman at the hotel front desk was that she just thinks she's better than everybody else. And they treat people like crap because they've always treated people like crap. People like this. They're rude to waiters, they're short with other people, they're full of themselves. They have a tone to their voice, they're super pompous. We hate these kinds of people, the kind of people that are rude for no reason other than because this is how they are and this is how they treat people. And I hate people like this. And you know what else? I can't stand? I can't stand the fact that they tend to bully us.
(20:27):
And we just give in and it just perpetuates this. People get a better room because they're mean to the person at the front desk. The world should not work like this, but it drains our energy. That's why we give in. And so there's that type of jerk. And then there's the second type, which is more like the person in that coffee shop that I was explaining where they're just under pressure and they can't tolerate the discomfort that they feel. I call these kind of people emotionally immature. I use the word immature because they throw tantrums. They're like a child who is so frustrated, so they throw themselves on the floor and they're immature because they do not have a mature or responsible way of tolerating emotional stress. And so in these situations at work, you have a couple choices. Number one, we've already talked about the snow globe.
(21:29):
This one works like a charm because it gives you objectivity, allows you to visualize the tantrum, and it makes you feel a little bit better than the person, honestly. And so that's one thing. A second thing that you can do is you are allowed to call people out on this behavior In the first question that we got, you heard the example of somebody getting a really rude email. There's nothing wrong with picking up the phone or walking down the hall and saying, Hey, is something going on with you? Because I don't know if you know how the tone of this email comes across, but it doesn't feel good. And most people, when you call them out on that and you kind of start off with, Hey, is something going on with you because this isn't like you and the tone is really demeaning, and is there something you want to tell me?
(22:24):
Or are you unaware that this is how you're speaking to people? That is the way that you can call somebody out. And obviously if you have somebody that is engaging in this consistently, document it. Go to HR because you shouldn't be under a barrage of that kind of abusive language or demeaning language or that sort of really unnecessary pressure. That's not why you're in your job. And so you can go to hr, but you can walk down the hall, you can pick up the phone, and you can say, I'm more than happy to help you with these things, but only if you speak to me in a respectful manner. And this is not respectful, and I'm sorry you're having a bad day, but don't take it out on me. My son actually used to say that to me, and so did my kids. They would literally go, I don't know what's going on at work, but don't take it out on me.
(23:16):
I don't work with you. And so call the person out, and if you're not comfortable, start documenting it and then go to HR and try to get some help with it. Final thing I want you to know, if you've just got somebody who's grumpy or kind of standoffish or you work in a place like an investment bank or a law firm or someplace that's crazy competitive, you know how you flip this? I love this strategy. I'm going to tell you a story. You shower curmudgeons with compliments. That's what you do. And I have firsthand experience with this. And boy does it work like a charm. It is just awesome. And the reason why this works is there's something in the world that is called the law of reciprocity. The law of reciprocity is very simple. If you do something nice for me, I feel like I should do something nice for you.
(24:18):
And this works with curmudgeons. I swear to goodness it does. If you ever walked into a mall and somebody opens that first set of doors for you, what do you do with the second set? You don't even think about it. You basically trip over your own feet to try to get to that door so you can hold it open for them. You do nice for me, I'll do nice for you. And this works with Curmudgeons at work. And I'm going to tell you a story. So a number of years ago, I had the honor of being recruited by CNN to become an on air legal analyst. What does that mean? That means that when Anderson Cooper is hosting his show and he goes, alright, well, let's go to some commentary. And then there's a person sitting basically in a closet in the box on the screen. That was me. I was not a reporter. I was a paid legal commentator that was giving analysis on all the big cases. And it was a fascinating job, but I noticed something.
Mel Robbins (25:22):
I noticed that people were not that friendly. So you would be down at CNN in New York City in the Time Warner Center, which is where they were when I worked for them. And you're standing off the side of the set and you're going to go on to one of the shows and you're standing there with other legal commentators. These are your colleagues, and everybody's on their phones and nobody's talking to each other. And if they're talking to each other, it's sort of like, oh, so you're on new day this morning? Okay, and then are you going to be on Ashley show? Are you going to be, oh, you're on. Oh, I'm on Don.
(25:54):
Oh, well, sort of like this one-upping thing as you're talking about how busy you're going to be today and what shows have called you. And it was this weird thing, so I didn't like that. So this is what I decided to do. I decided that I was just going to proactively reach out and compliment my fellow legal analysts. So Paul Callan is one of 'em. I call him the professor. He's one of my favorite human beings in the world. So here's how I would do it. We'd be walking off set and I'd be like, Paul, that was genius what you just said, even, and Paul's not a curmudgeon, but even he like, oh, thank you. And when I would research a particular case that was breaking, you know what I did? I would forward the cases and the interesting articles I was finding to the other four paid commenters because there were only five of us on all of CNN that were on the payroll to do this, and we all had other jobs.
(26:54):
This is like something we were all doing on the side. And so I started emailing them, and then when I would see them on television, I'd be sitting home with my kids and one of 'em would be on because I wasn't called in to do it. I would tweet at them and tag them. There's my friend Paul killing it. Great analysis. Can I tell you? It took less than five days to melt the ice and the five of us became such incredible friends. Joey Jackson, I miss you so much. Danny, I miss you. Paul Callan, I miss you. We had a blast. We always had each other's backs. We became great friends. So much so that two years later, a woman reached out to me from CNN, and she was responsible for building out the program for analysts, and she wanted to meet with me because she said everybody inside of CNN talked about the comradery and the vibe between the five of us who didn't even live in the same city, and she wanted to know how we did it.
(27:59):
I said, we just started cheering for one another. If you can stomach complimenting somebody on their work or on their nails or don't be creepy about it, but if you can find something, hey, you did a really good job with that client. Even a curmudgeon takes notice. And over time, you know what they do. The law of reciprocity kicks back in and they start complimenting you back. You see, at the end of the day, whether people grew up with parents who were jerks, and so they model behavior of being jerks and being pompous and better than other people, or they're just emotionally immature and they can't tolerate their own emotions, and that's why they throw tantrums. At the end of the day, everybody wants the same thing. We just want to know that we matter. We want to know that we're doing a good job.
(28:59):
We want to know that somebody appreciates that we're there. We want somebody to understand that we're doing our best and we're stressed out and we're trying to get the coffee out as fast as we can. We want somebody to have a little bit of compassion for the fact that I'm 24 and I'm wearing a big blazer and I am not responsible, but I'm going to do my best to try to help you, and I'd want to help you even more if you weren't such an asshole to me right now. That's what we want. We want a little bit of respect, a little bit of kindness. And when you start to dial that up and you give it out with radical generosity, it comes back to you in incredible ways. And so that's what you can do. You can certainly call it out. And when you call it out, not in an antagonizing way, but hey, what's going on with you?
(29:46):
Because you're not normally like this and I'm happy to help you, but not when you're rude to me or go to hr. When you visualize somebody throwing a tantrum in a snow globe, it doesn't get on you. And then when you start dialing up your own positivity, which you are going to be better equipped to do, if you're using these tools, you can use the law of reciprocity to slowly melt that curmudgeon into a real softie. I swear to God, I've done it my whole life and you can do it too. Now, I want to go to that juicy amazing question that we got from Celeste.
Celeste (30:26):
Hi, Mel. I have a question about gossiping about other people. I feel like it's so ingrained into our lives, why? To be honest, I talk about other people all the time, and sometimes it's not good things. I'm just looking for some tips on how to stop the habit of gossiping and to call myself out when it's truly none of my business. Anyways, love your podcast and you. Thanks, Celeste.
Mel Robbins (30:52):
Oh, Celeste, I love you too. Great question. So I don't know who came up with that saying, but I love this saying that small minds talk about people and big minds talk about ideas. And gossiping is all around us. In fact, looked at the industry and the way that news and that celebrity talk has morphed and reality shows. It's a huge industry that is dominated by gossip, and gossip is also at work. There was a study from Georgia Tech that I found really interesting that if you work in a big company, the average emailer sends about 112 emailers every day in a corporate job. But one out of every seven of those messages is categorized as gossip. You're not sending something that's work related. You're writing an email to somebody else bitching about somebody else at work. So there's science here for why gossiping is bad for you when you gossip and engage in it, which means you're listening to it, you're dishing it out, you're indulging in it, your adrenaline and cortisol, that stress hormone, it spikes and it also increases when you retell painful stories of being hurt or wronged by somebody who was gossiping about you. You literally put yourself in this fight or flight state and you said, I'm proud of you for admitting that you gossip all the time. And when you gossip all the time, research shows that because your body's in this on edge state,
Mel Robbins (32:32):
It makes you feel helpless, angry, anxious. And so this is not just a problem for women. Another study by the University of California Riverside found that women and men engage in the kind of tear down style of gossiping where you're really taken down another person who's not present just as much as men. And so here's the wake up moment for all of us. This is a level up moment. It is so simple to stop doing it. Let me give you the strategy that really has helped me stop gossiping. I used to be a huge gossiper. I used to gripe about other people. I'd spin myself into a top, like being all upset about other people and talking about people that weren't there. And I would get on a power kick by tearing somebody else down or talking about how what if somebody right...
Mel Robbins (33:30):
The energy of gossiping. It's not cool. Here's the strategy. Only talk about people who are present in the room with you. It don't talk about anybody who's not present. That'll make you stop gossiping because you don't gossip with people that are present about them. No, you're gossiping because you're talking behind somebody's back, which means they're not present. If you're talking about somebody who's not present because you're concerned about 'em and you want help with how to help them, or you've got some real issue that is either work related or friendship related, and you're trying to solve it for the better. And so you're seeking somebody's advice, there's a different intent there, isn't it? The intent is different. When you're gossiping, you're just tearing somebody else down. You're empowering yourself at somebody else's expense that's very different than the intent behind getting advice or being concerned about somebody. And so here's what I always tell everybody. I just make it a rule not to talk about people who aren't present.
(34:41):
That is like dropping a bomb in the middle of a conversation. If people are gossiping, you can literally just say, I make it a rule not to talk about people who aren't present. Or you could say, aren't there other things we could talk about other than so-and-so's life or marriage that stops people in their tracks? And somebody might go, oh, you, there's somebody throwing a tantrum. They're in their snow globe. They got called out. That is a way that you can 1000% catch yourself from gossiping. And here's the other thing. You got feet walk away just because other people are talking about it. You can say, I don't like to talk about people who aren't present and turn and walk away. Here's the other thing you need to understand about gossiping. If they're doing it with you, they'll do it about you when you're not there, because people gossip as a way to bond with other people.
Mel Robbins (35:42):
It's called triangulation. Narcissists do this in particular by talking about other people in a derogatory way. The people that are gossiping are trying to build a bond with you. That means the second you're not there, they will trash you in order to build a bond with other people. And when you really get that as a truth, because it is a truth that people who gossip with you gossip about you, that will change how you look at all your relationships. And when you become the kind of person that makes it a rule to not gossip about people, you will surround yourself with other people who don't gossip about you. And that is a powerful change in your life. Okay, so we've talked so far all about how to handle other people. Now I want to talk to you because you're an amazing person and you have the ability to impact so many people's lives.
(36:40):
And I don't know if you realize just how powerful you are that your energy, your love, your enthusiasm, being radically generous with it, it can change absolutely anybody's day. And when you change somebody's day in a positive way, that great day can become a great week. And that great week can roll into an amazing month, and that amazing month can turn into an incredible year. You just have no idea what somebody's dealing with. My friend Ed Millette, who is amazing, you should follow him. He's one of my favorite people on the planet. He told me this story about how there is a person out in the world who was there when his father was struggling with alcoholism, and this stranger got his dad help. And Ed said, if it weren't for that stranger, ed wouldn't be here. And that one act of kindness from one person can change somebody's entire life.
(37:57):
And you have that power. And so I want you to think as you head into your day about the image of blowing bubbles when a kid is blowing bubbles and the bubbles catch the sunlight and they float around and they fly away, it feels so good, doesn't it? It makes you smile. And you can stand there on a beautiful sunny day and blow bubbles, and they drift off into space and who knows how far they go. Your energy is just like that, and you can spread good energy and you should. How do you do? Be generous with the, I love you. Be super generous telling people
Mel Robbins (38:42):
I appreciate you. In fact, I have a habit every single day. I make it a habit to tell somebody that I appreciate them. And I do that by either reaching out to a friend and telling them that I miss them and I'm thinking about them. I have a friend who's going through a really challenging moment right now with her dad. Hospice has been called in, and I'm texting her every morning telling her that I'm sending her a hug and that she doesn't need to text me back, but I just want her to know that I'm here for her. I tell that to people that help me in the grocery store. I tell it to anybody honestly, because we all need to hear it. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for being here. I love complimenting people's nails or their jewelry or their hairstyle or their socks and smiling. Smiling. And don't forget your family. When somebody walks in the door, how do you greet them? Do you put a big smile on your face? Do you run to the door? Do you say, welcome home? Oh my God, I hope you had a great day.
(39:49):
I always, always, always give our son, Oakley the biggest hug, and I hold it extra tight, and I tell him I'm so happy to see him because every time you do this, you smile, you wave, you high five somebody, you give 'em a hug, you tell 'em that you love 'em. You text somebody out of the blue. You are a force for good. If you're staying in a hotel like I'm going to be tonight, leave a note for the person that's cleaning your room, a thank you, a smiley face. Tell 'em you appreciate 'em. We all need to hear it. And when you become radically generous with your positive energy, with your compliments, with your enthusiasm, with your love, it spreads unbelievable waves of joy and positivity, lifting people up in ways that you'll never know. So can we agree? We got our force fields up when it comes to the negativity, but we got our positivity generously flowing around the world.
(40:52):
And speaking of which, I appreciate you spending your time with me. I know your time is the most valuable thing that you have, and I don't even know how to explain how much it means to me to know that every single Monday and every Thursday that you and I are doing life together, that we're talking about it, that we're unpacking it, that we're laughing at it, that we're crying together, that we're figuring it out. And I just wanted to say in case nobody else tells you that, I love you and I appreciate you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. Now, go some bubbles. Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician for professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, bye. God, please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe.
Resources
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- Scientific American: Choose the company you keep wisely.
- University of Oxford: Teens catch bad moods more easily than good ones.
- I love these tips for fixing a sense of entitlement.
- University of CA, Berkeley: How a bad mood affects empathy in your brain.
- Psychology Today: Spotting emotional immaturity.
- Plos One: Stress effects on mood, your brain, and autonomic response.
- Workforce Institute: 69% of people say managers impact their mental health.
- Entrepreneur: Use the law of reciprocity to build better business relationships.
- HubSpot: 10 hard truths about management.
- National Public Radio: How the law of reciprocity binds us.
- Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B Journal: The neuroscience research of mirror neurons.
- NBC News: Smiling can trick your brain into happiness and boost your health.
- Harvard Business Review: How and why to build camaraderie at work.
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