Why Making Friends as an Adult Feels Impossible & What to Do About It

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering “where did all my friends go?” or felt like making friends as an adult is impossible, you are not alone. 

In today’s episode, Mel is breaking down the surprising reasons why friendship feels so much harder in adulthood—and, more importantly, how to change that. 

In this episode, you’ll learn: 

• The three essential pillars for creating deep, lasting friendships. 
• Why you may be experiencing a “friendship recession” 
• How to stop taking friendship shifts personally. 
• How to use The Let Them Theory to take a more flexible approach to friendship. 
• A simple, step-by-step plan to find and keep incredible friends at any stage of life. 

Mel also shares shocking research that will change the way you think about friendships—including how long it really takes to form a close bond and the single most important factor in building lasting connections.

If you feel lonely, disconnected, or simply want to strengthen the friendships you already have, this episode will give you the exact roadmap you need.

If you liked this episode, your next listen should be this one: What Makes a Good Life? Lessons From the Longest Study on Happiness

‍Get a copy of Mel’s new book, The Let Them Theory here. 

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• Disclaimer

‍In this episode:

• 3:52: What The Rules of Adult Friendship Are. 
• 7:22: The Great Scattering.
• 17:25: The Three Pillars of Friendship.
• 37:33: The Rubber Band Rule of Friendship.
• 42:41: Using The Let Them Theory With Friends. 
• 47:26: The Truth About Adult Friendships.
• 1:00:24: Your Step-by-Step Guide to Making Adult Friends.
• 1:09:28: How to Ask for Help (and Get It).
• 1:12:56: Your Best Friendships Are Still Ahead of You.

‍Resources:

• Psychology Today: Getting Serious About Adult Friendships
• Psychology Today: Adulting and Friendships: The Struggle Is Real
• The Atlantic: How to Make Friends, According to Science
• Forbes: A Psychologist Gives 3 Tips On Picking The Right ‘Adult Friendships’
• American Psychological Association: The science of why friendships keep us healthy
• Frontiers in Psychology: Adult friendship and wellbeing: A systematic review with practical implications
• Psychology Today: Coping with the Loss of a Friendship
• The Royal Society: Social bonding through shared experiences: the role of emotional intensity
• National Institutes of Health: The Science of Social Connection
• Advances in Life Course Research: Life course transitions and changes in network ties among younger and older adults
• The University of Kansas: How to make friends? Study reveals how many hours it takes
• Forbes: 5 Strategies For Cultivating A Supportive And Successful Friend Group
• New York Times: How to Make, and Keep, Friends in Adulthood
• Pew Research Center: Teens, Technology and Friendships
• New York Times: Text Your Friends: It Matters More Than You Think
• Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences: The neuroethology of friendship