Focus on Yourself: 3 Signs You’re Giving Too Much & What to Do About It Right Now

When was the last time you said "no" without feeling guilty? Or set a boundary and actually stuck to it? 

If you can’t remember, today’s episode is the wake-up call you need. 

Boundaries can protect your time, energy, and mental space, and yet for so many of us, boundaries are hard to make and almost impossible to keep.

Renowned psychiatrist Dr. Pooja Lakshmin is sharing the 3 surprising signs that you lack boundaries and how to take control to reclaim your life. 

By the end of this conversation, you're not only going to know how to set them, you're going to realize that any single time you feel overwhelmed or overextended, you need to take her 3 simple yet powerful steps to taking your power back.

If you liked this episode and want to learn exactly what to do to live a more peaceful and fulfilled life, listen to this episode next: 5 Things Only Fake Friends Do & How to Let Go of What No Longer Serves You

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• Disclaimer

‍In this episode:

• 5:18: The truth about self-care: it’s not just a routine, it’s a total mindset shift.
• 7:20: According to a psychiatrist, this is what self-care is and the piece you are missing. 
• 15:43: Boundaries vs. reactions: how to learn to respond instead of react.
• 18:54: Are your boundaries strong enough? Ask yourself these 5 questions to find out. 
• 24:43: 3 warning signs you’re in need of a self-care overhaul. 
• 29:36: Your step-by-step guide for setting strong boundaries, starting today. 
• 37:13: Why setting boundaries is the ultimate form of self-care (and how to do it right).
• 42:45: Do you feel guilt or shame when you say “no” to people? 
• 51:32: Guilt vs. selflessness: how boundaries help you win the emotional tug-of-war.

‍Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, MD

• Follow her on Instagram
• Order her book, Real Self-Care
• Subscribe to her newsletter
• Dr Pooja’s work in The New York Times ‍
  • How Society Has Turned Its Back on Mothers‍
  • Mothers Don’t Have to Be Martyrs‍
  • Saying ‘No’ Is Self-Care for Parents‍
  • Balancing Parenthood and Me Time

Resources:

• Harvard Business Review - A Guide to Setting Better Boundaries
• UC Berkeley - What Are Personal Boundaries?
• The New York Times - How to Escape ‘Faux Self-Care’
• NPR - Real self-care takes real systemic change
• The Guardian - ‘Just take a bubble bath!’ Why faux self-care won’t solve our problems 
• International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health - Burnout: A Review of Theory and Measurement
• American Psychological Association: Why we’re burned out and what to do about it
• The New York Times - How to Avoid Burnout When You Have Little Ones
• World Psychiatry: Understanding the burnout experience: recent research and its implications for psychiatry‍
• Frontiers in Psychology: What is the Sense of Agency and Why Does it Matter?‍
• Mindful - How to Develop Your Sense of Agency‍
• The New York Times - How to Let People Down and Be OK With It‍
• Annual Review of Psychology: The Origins and Psychology of Human Cooperation‍
• One Love Foundation - How to Set and Maintain Boundaries ‍
• Vanderbilt University Medical Center - Establishing Effective Personal Boundaries‍
• UC Berkeley - Five Research-Based Ways to Say No‍
• Ted Talk - My year of saying yes to everything | Shonda Rhimes