How to Figure Out What You Really Want: Use This Life-Changing Hack

Sawyer Robbins (00:13):

I want to move to New York this year.

 

Christine (00:16):

I'd love to have a place on the lake to get away with my family. And she's like, okay, why?

 

Sawyer Robbins (00:23):

I made a lot of, I wasn't going to cry. A lot of promises to myself as a little girl, and New York has always been one of them.

 

Christine (00:36):

Then she's like, do you need a lake house for that to happen? And just was this very personal thing of feeling like I miss the amount of time we spent together when they were little.

 

Mel Robbins (00:52):

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and I'm so glad that you're here with me today so that we can spend some time together. It is always such an honor to spend time with you, and I just want to acknowledge you for choosing to listen to something that could help you create a better life. And if you're a new listener, welcome. Welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast family. I'm so glad that you're here, and I'm particularly glad that you're listening right now today to this episode. And if somebody shared this with you and that's why you tuned in, the next time you see them, could you tell them Thank you for me, because they must really care about you. If they sent you this episode, wow. It means that they want to help you get what you want in life. Isn't that cool? This episode, by the way, it's a little bit different from the normal, amazing episodes that are here on the Mel Robbins podcast because what you're listening to today, I have designed specifically as a workshop to help you gain the clarity and the courage and the conviction to answer one of the most important questions in life.

 

(01:57):

What do you really want? And before we jump into it, let me just explain a little bit about the episode today because it's one of these really special episodes that I do every once in a while that I design and create, and I think about it more like a free workshop. It's just a way for me to do a little more, just go the extra distance. I mean, I want to do that for you because you have made the Mel Robbins Podcast, one of the most popular, listen to and watch podcasts in the entire world. I mean, I just learned this morning that we're about to surpass 150 million downloads of this show from those of you that are listening and from our subscribers on YouTube, where by the way, you can watch every single episode of this podcast for free. And so that's why I want to go to the extra distance because I know that you listen to the Mel Robbins podcast because you want to create a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

 

(02:55):

So as a thank you, I do these workshops several times a year. In fact, I did one in January on the science of setting goals that almost a million of you have already taken. I'm going to do another one on the science of goals this coming January, so you can look forward to that one. Two in April, you and I did one about moving from thought to action, how you make things happen. And almost a million of you have completed that workshop. And so I am so excited to be back and share this workshop with you as well. And this one is extremely important because it's going to cover a topic that a lot of people miss, which is, how do you answer the question, what do I want? And this is so important because I personally think that the reason why so many people feel stuck or unsatisfied or even a little lost in their life is because if you don't know what you want, you're never going to get it because you don't even know what direction you should head in.

 

(03:58):

And the other reason why this matters is because if you can't answer the question, what do you want? You don't know what you value or what you prioritize, which means people who do know what they want, they're always going to come before you. So getting clear about what you want is the very first step to everything really. And this is a hard question to answer because people can give you advice on how to make something happen on the steps to take, but no one can answer this question for you. You have to answer this question for yourself. 

(05:14):

And when you go to mel robbins.com/w at, you're going to find a link and you can download the workbook. You can also find that link in the description as well. And you can also find it in the show notes. And if you're driving right now or you're taking me on a walk with you, you do not need to hit stop and then download and come back. No, no, no, no, no. Just listen to me as you continue to drive or as you finish your workout or as you're going on your walk, and think about the answers because I'm going to guide you through a series of questions that will help you get to the truth about what you want in your life right now. And so I will also remind you of that url, mel robbins.com/what toward the end of the episode for those of you who are going to listen while you drive and walk so you can come back and get the workbook later.

 

(06:04):

My mission today is to guide you through a proven series of questions and exercises that will help you gain the clarity that you need to answer this really important question, what do I want? Because once you know what you want, it's super easy to organize your spare time and your energy and your focus and take the steps to help you start moving toward it. And before we jump in, and I guide you through the process, I want to remind you share this with absolutely everyone that you care about. Whether it's someone in your life who's in college and needs to pick a major or maybe someone in your life as a really big decision to make, or maybe there's somebody who you just simply see a bigger future for themselves than they see for themselves right now. I personally believe that we are all capable of achieving remarkable things, but you don't achieve them unless you know what you want.

 

(06:59):

And the first step is getting clear. In fact, I'm in the middle of a lot of big decisions in my business right now, and I've been using the exact same process and framework that I'm about to walk you through to get very clear about what I want in my business. Next, what you're going to learn applies to every kind of decision that you could make, whether it's a decision about your kids, a relationship, your business, your health, your goals. And so I want you to think about this episode as a resource that you can come back to over and over and over again, wherever you are in your life, whatever decision you need to make. I mean, maybe you started college and you're in a different place now than you were a year ago, and you're thinking about changing your major. Maybe there's something going on in your relationship when you fell in love, you were a different person, you had different priorities, and now you're kind of confused and you're trying to decide what do I really want?

 

(07:59):

It's not only normal to change your mind and your desires and your goals, it's unavoidable and clarity. This clarity that I am going to teach you today, this is a skill and so is the courage of having conviction about getting honest with yourself about what you truly want and what you value at this exact moment in your life. And you can learn how to do this, and you're going to learn today. And the reason why this is important, I'm going to say this one more time only you can answer this question for yourself, not your significant other, not your kids, not your parents, not your friends, you. And if there's someone in your life that you really want to empower, then send them this and give them the framework to help them answer the question and find the direction that they need. Because if you can hear my voice or you can watch me right now on YouTube, you will benefit from this workshop. So here's how this is going to work. You're going to download your workbook when you get a chance at melrobbins.com slash what, and the workbook is important because it's a way for you to take the framework I'm about to walk you through and dive even deeper and get more clarity about what you want right now and to help you figure out the direction you need to go or the decision that you need to make or even solidify something that you want to do. But boom, you just needed that.

 

(09:35):

Like, yeah, i'm on the right track because when I started this podcast just over 18 months ago, I just wanted to get the thing started. I'm very clear like Mel Robbins, you need to get this thing launched. In fact, if you've ever read my New York Times bestselling book, the High Five Habit, there is an entire chapter in that book about the fact that I was dreaming about launching a podcast. Now, that book was published in 2021, and I used the same framework that I'm about to walk you through to get very clear that what I wanted was to launch a podcast. I was so sick and tired of thinking about it that I finally was at the point that I want this, I need to do it. And walking through the framework I'm going to walk you through in just a second gave me the direction that I needed in 2021.

 

(10:26):

And then I spent the next two years just studying what other people were doing and creating a game plan to execute against. And finally, 18 months ago, I started the dang thing. And so answering the question, what do I want? It was easy a couple years ago. I want to start a podcast, boom, direction go without answering that question. I wouldn't have a podcast right now. I would've been consumed by a bazillion other things. I would've been busy moving in the wrong direction. And that's true about it life, isn't it? There's a lot of people moving fast, but they're not going anywhere. They don't know where they want to go. And when I ask myself what do I want? And I think about the podcast, my goal and my sense of direction and where I want to head next, it's not just a do it.

 

(11:17):

I see something so much bigger now that I have clarity about what I want. And now that the podcast is out into the world and I hear from you on a daily basis and the impact it's making, holy cow, what I want is on just a totally different level, and this is one of the reasons why you see me do these workshops for free. It's one of the reasons why we create YouTube versions of the podcast episodes that are oftentimes longer and include more content that aren't in the listening part because I want to go bigger. And here's another example of how this question and figuring out what you want changes over time and why you need to keep doing this process all the time in your life. And what I wanted when our three kids were in high school and middle school, very different from what I want now that my husband, Chris and I are about to be empty nesters.

 

(12:15):

And it's only with the clarity of knowing what you want, why you want it. It's only with that clarity that you have direction in life. I mean, if you don't know what you want, you're merely a passenger and the winds of chance are just steering you in whatever direction you're like a sailboat without a rudder. I want you to take the wheel and get clear about what direction you're going to head in next. And in order to kick us off, I just want to share a story with you about what a profound process this framework is. So at the end of last year, our team went on a team retreat and we went to this absolutely amazing retreat center. And when we designed this offsite, there were just a couple of rules. First of all, absolutely no work. No talk about work, no phones, no laptops, no doing work.

 

(13:15):

It was just three days for our team to be together to unwind, to do yoga, to go on the sauna, to get a massage, to connect with your colleagues. It was absolutely extraordinary because we had been busting our rear ends on this podcast for over a year. We all lived in our bathrobes the entire time. It was so great. It wasn't even an HR violation to be with your colleagues in bathrobes at dinner. And it was the first time that we had ever done anything like this here at 1 4 3 studios as a team. And after working on this podcast for a year and creating 104 episodes in one year, we needed it. Holy cow. And it was fantastic. And so this retreat center not only had a spa and exercise classes and meditation stuff, but it had all these kinds of courses and sessions that you could do on all these different topics.

 

(14:10):

And so my business partner, who also happens to be my sister-in-law, Christine, she is the chief financial officer and the chief operations officer of the company. And so Christine, who I've known for more than two decades is almost like the opposite brain of me. This woman is a numbers gal. She is spreadsheets, she's very analytical and smart. She's super black and white. She's not into the touchy feely stuff at all. And so she signs up to do this class that truly changed her life. 

Christine (14:55):

So the class was manifesting,

 

Mel Robbins (14:57):

Manifesting,

 

Christine (14:58):

Manifesting. And so I'm thinking this is a nice, this will be something I can sit in the back of the room just listen to. I've already done cardio drumming and some nutritional cooking class, so this is going to be like a listen and learn.

 

Mel Robbins (15:11):

And so you walk in and what happens,

 

Christine (15:13):

It's me and the instructor,

 

Mel Robbins (15:15):

Just you and the instructor,

 

Christine (15:16):

Just me and the instructor. And I'm like, oh, shit.

 

Mel Robbins (15:19):

And once you walk in, you can't walk out.

 

Christine (15:21):

You can't walk out, you're stuck. I've walked in and she's excited to see somebody's shown up. And so I'm sitting there and she hands me kind of worksheet and we're waiting to see if somebody else is going to show up. Luckily, one other person walked in, and so then she's like, well, normally this is a presentation, but since it's such a small group, let's do some just kind of personal work. Let's talk about what you're here to talk about. You were probably like, yeah, I'm basically want to die. I have no clear purpose that I've shown up for that. I'm trying to realize I'm just looking for something to do. Okay, so it's you and one other person and one other guy,

 

Mel Robbins (16:05):

And now we're going to

 

Christine (16:06):

Do deep work. Now we're going to do deep work. And so how does it start? So basically we're both sitting there and the guy's like, okay, I'll go first. And so she's like, okay, what are you thinking about? And he was trying to sell a rental property head, so very, whatever. And the whole time I'm thinking, oh my God, what are we going to talk about? What am I going to talk about? I'm barely like, okay, he's still talking. I'm still thinking. I was just trying to come up with something. And so then she's like, okay, how about you?

 

Mel Robbins (16:36):

What do you want?

 

Christine (16:37):

What do you want? What's something you're trying to attract? And so I just kind of put out there, I'd love to have a place on the lake to get away with my family,

 

(16:47):

And I'm thinking vision board, like 20 something, my vision board of all these things that I wanted to have accomplished. And so not putting a whole lot into it, but just thinking. And she's like, okay, why? And I'm like, well, I think it would be fun if something my family and I can enjoy and why. I'm like, well, my kids are in high school. They're gone a lot. They're busy with sports and friends and I don't see 'em as much as I used to. And she's like, well, why do you think a lake house will change that? And I'm like, well, we're going to get away. We'll be together.

 

(17:28):

So then she's like, well, why do you need a lake house for that to happen? And just was this very personal thing of feeling like time slipping away and feeling like I miss the amount of time we spent together when they were little. And so it was just this thing that seemed flashy and very removed, became very personal and not at all what I had walked in there for. And it was a conversation around, she's like, well, they're still going to leave. And so I'm in tears now and this thing that I was like, oh, this will be a fun place. And she's like, are you ready to do this now? And I'm like, well, no. I'd have to save up. And it'd be a little while. She's like, so they're definitely gone by the time you're working for this house that they're not even going to enjoy because by the time it comes to pass, they're going to already be gone.

 

(18:26):

And it was just really this realization of thinking about the time that we had together when they were younger and when we were just, their whole life revolved around our family. And that time had been a long time passed and really came away from the whole thing, just very kind of grateful for that realization and had shared it with the team of just because everyone was sharing what classes have you taken? What are you doing? And just this realization of this thing that seemed like it was like this wish dream thing really wasn't what I wanted. It was that I wanted the time with the boys and that I could have that now. I just needed to ask him for it and make that a priority.

 

Mel Robbins (19:19):

That's amazing.

 

Christine (19:21):

Well, it was because it just is like you get so caught up, I think in a lot of the things that are flashy or fun, and it's really not what it was about. I think it was just, for me, it was kind of a breakthrough and very emotional because like you said, I'm not a hugely reflective person that puts, I'm very logical. And so to have this breakdown in this class that I was not expecting or anticipating was just was a gut check for sure.

 

Mel Robbins (19:53):

And life changing,

 

Christine (19:54):

Life changing because came back, I shared it with the team because we were sharing about all the classes that we had. And the fact that I'd started crying in this class was surprising to everyone who knew me from work. But I went home and I shared it with the boys and it made it a priority that we are making that time on a weekly basis to spend a little bit of time together. And that it's not the buildup for these big things, whether it's a trip or other things. It's really just the time at home and enjoying it while I have them.

 

Mel Robbins (20:27):

Yeah. The thing that struck me about that experience and you sharing it is that first of all, a lot of times when you think you know what you want, which a lake house makes a lot of sense because you have friends that have a lake house and the boys love going up there with their friends. And so it makes sense to be like, oh, we need one of those too, and I want one of those. And you kind of paint the picture. And when you go deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper and you get to the root cause of why oftentimes the thing that you want is right in front of your face. And the irony is that if you just stay at the surface and you chase that thing, you would've spent so much time working trying to save the money for it and been so busy. Let's just say you could even put a down payment. Then it would be about the renovation or the painting or the this or the that you would miss all the time while they're still home. And so I got a lot out of that too because I do find myself kind of waiting for those big moments. And I, like you am very aware of the time that's passing and want to maximize the amount of time that I have when the kids are right in front of me. Beautiful. How has that realization of truly getting to the core of what you want changed how you live your day-to-day life?

 

Christine (21:52):

Well, I think part of it was I came home and I said, this is important to me. I've been honest with them. I'm just saying I miss the time that we used to spend together. And I know your lives are busy and bigger and your world is much larger and will continue to get larger, but I need some time while you're here. Whether it's driver's ed or doing those, I don't complain about those things at all. I'm just enjoying it while I haven't. And I've got great kids, I'm so proud of them. And I think part of it too, or I'd like to think it that when I shared the like, Hey, I miss the time that we spend together. I think they've missed it too because I think it's been able to put it out there and then for us to just be much more intentional. And then it's also easy for them to be like, oh, my mom's making me do this Sunday, not so fun day kind of deal. But I think it's just been something that I think has been good for all of us.

 

Mel Robbins (22:51):

Do you still want a lake house?

 

Christine (22:52):

It'd be nice, but it's nice, but it's not the point anymore.

 

Mel Robbins (22:57):

I know you sharing this is going to resonate with millions of people that listen.

 

Christine (23:02):

Yeah.

 

Mel Robbins (23:04):

Other than saying it out loud to your family, is there anything else you put in place to make sure that you stay moving in this direction?

 

Christine (23:14):

Well, I think it's just prioritizing it at the end of the day. It's just what is really important to me. And so as much as the lake house would be nice or some fancy things, like at the end of the day, it's really just the time with the people that you love. I'm appreciating that while it's there and it doesn't have to be big and fancy.

 

Mel Robbins (23:36):

Well, Christine, I just want to thank you because it's a really personal story and a really profound, and what I love about the story that you just shared with us is that not only is the emotion palpable, but it illustrates the fact that so often what we think we want isn't what we want at all. That there is something at a deeper level that strikes to the core. 

(24:51):

And it's one of my favorite problem solving tools. And it helps you get down to the root cause or the root emotion so quickly around why you want something. And it's a way that you can test whether or not you want something or if there's a deeper reason why you want something. And so here's how you use it, and I'm going to walk you through this. You just ask yourself, what do I really want? And then you ask why four times? Why do you really want that? Why now? Why? And every time you ask why, it forces you to dig a little deeper and you get closer to the truth and to the answer that you're actually looking for. And you heard Christine share that wisdom as she was reflecting back and in the workbook. I guide you through this exercise, and what I want to do to make sure you really understand how this works is I'm now going to invite my daughter Sawyer to join us, and I'm going to walk her through in real time this framework of the five why's. And you're going to hear her explain what she wants and then go deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper to the core. 

Sawyer Robbins (26:21):

Of course.

 

Mel Robbins (26:22):

Tell everybody how old you are.

 

Sawyer Robbins (26:24):

I'm 25.

 

Mel Robbins (26:26):

And what do you want?

 

Sawyer Robbins (26:28):

I want to move to New York this year. And why do you want to move to New York? I have always wanted to move to New York since I was a little girl.

 

Mel Robbins (26:41):

Why have you always wanted to move to New York? You were little.

 

Sawyer Robbins (26:44):

I think that it has always just felt very energetic as if there's an energetic pole that I have to live there, and it's always been on my bucket list, and so I'm making it happen. And

 

Mel Robbins (26:58):

Why has it always been on your bucket list to live in New York City?

 

Sawyer Robbins (27:04):

I think that I've lived and went to college in Boston for the last 25 years, and I am really ready for my next step in life and to prove to myself that even though I've always wanted to live in a new city, that I actually can. And why is it important to do it now? I think that I always envision myself in my twenties living in New York, and so I'm in a stage in my life where it feels right for me. And why do you want to move to New York? I feel like there's just a lot of possibility there, and it feels like growing up in Boston and going to school in Boston, I love the city so much, but I'm just ready for something bigger and more uncomfortable and more extreme, and I am really looking for a fresh start in my life. And I know that if I am able to make this happen, that I would be extremely proud of myself and would have kept my word as a little girl.

 

Mel Robbins (28:24):

Oh, oh my God, now I'm going to cry. It's literally about keeping a promise to the little you.

 

Sawyer Robbins (28:31):

Yeah, don't cry, I'll cry.

 

Mel Robbins (28:33):

Oh my God,

 

Sawyer Robbins (28:35):

That's pretty deep. Yeah, I feel like I made a lot of, I wasn't going to cry a lot of promises to myself as a little girl, and New York has always been one of them. So I'm ready,

 

Mel Robbins (29:09):

Of course. Is your mother. I want to

 

Sawyer Robbins (29:10):

Know what the other promises are that you paid to yourself. Well, one of them was backpacking around Asia, which I just checked off for four months. Another one is starting my own business whenever that happens in the future. Definitely New York. One of them was being Kendall's tour manager, but I think that is no longer on my to-do. Why? Maybe it will be, but she needs to figure out some stuff first.

 

Mel Robbins (29:49):

What's interesting is that this little framework that you went through, it allows space for all these other things that you want, but I think it makes you laser focus on the thing that's the most important right now and why it's the most important. Because when I asked you what do you want, you could have said, I want to launch my own business, but you didn't. You said I wanted to move to New York. And in answering the series of the five why's, you got deeper and deeper and deeper to the core reason like now I'm going to get really choked up. And it's really about keeping a promise that you made to yourself as a little girl, and now's the time to do it. That is so beautiful.

 

Sawyer Robbins (30:44):

I remember when I was in my freshman year of college, we had this class called Courage to Know at Boston College with Luke Jorgensen. And an assignment we had was to write a eulogy for ourselves, and we worked on it all semester, and our final assignment was to read it out loud in class. And you were there. I don't know if you remember,

 

Mel Robbins (31:14):

Oh, I will never forget this

 

Sawyer Robbins (31:17):

Day. And I had never written a eulogy or honestly been to many funerals and feel lucky for that, but was very inexperienced I would say. And people start going around reading through their eulogies and people are saying They've solved cancer and gone to space. Just the list goes on of accomplishment, accomplishment, accomplishment, accomplishment, accomplishment. I started to sink in my seat, my God, so embarrassed. And when it was finally my turn, I told my teacher out loud that I think I did this assignment wrong because as I was reading my eulogy, the entire thing was about living in New York with my sister, basically was about how she graduated from Boston College and she moved to New York and she had three beautiful children and two Australian shepherds, two Australian shepherds, and then I died peacefully. And that was

 

Mel Robbins (32:26):

It. Surrounded by family,

 

Sawyer Robbins (32:27):

Surrounded by family. And there was nothing about accomplishments or what I did other than moving to New York in the entire thing.

 

Mel Robbins (32:35):

Well, it sounds like you lived a big, beautiful, fulfilling life.

 

Sawyer Robbins (32:40):

I hope so. I'm currently trying to do that.

 

Mel Robbins (32:45):

Well, it was parents' weekend, and so there were all these parents in the class, and it was a small seminar class. And I remember this, it was yesterday because you were one of the last people to go, and everybody that read, you're right, it read a list of accomplishments at an academy award ceremony where one thing after I'm cured cancer, I've done this. And then there was the one artistic type whose obituary began with, he was shot in the face on a sailboat at the age of 25. Oh gosh, remember that? I'm like, that was crazy. Oh my crazy. He needs therapy. And so then it got to you and you wrote this amazing description. I'm going to start crying again. That was, you're right. You moved to New York and you lived with your sister and you were married for 60 years and had three kids and two Australian shepherds that you were surrounded by friends and family when you died. I think that's what we all want.

 

Sawyer Robbins (33:56):

Yeah, for sure.

 

Mel Robbins (33:58):

And so I'm really glad that you're going to keep this promise to yourself. Me too. I think you're going to find a good apartment.

 

Sawyer Robbins (34:09):

I hope so. So mom, what do you

 

Mel Robbins (34:12):

Want? Okay, well, what do I really want right now? I want to write this fantasy novel series.

 

Sawyer Robbins (34:26):

I thought you meant the other one. No, the current one. No.

 

Mel Robbins (34:31):

I want to write a fantasy novel series with you and Kendall.

 

Sawyer Robbins (34:43):

Are we disclosing the name of it right now?

 

Mel Robbins (34:44):

Absolutely not.

 

Sawyer Robbins (34:45):

Okay.

 

Mel Robbins (34:46):

It is a book idea that we came up with probably 12 years ago while we were sitting on a beach

 

(35:01):

And you were 13 years old. And I still have the handwritten notes as we described the theme and the characters and the fantasy world and the plot lines. And I have thought about that since the day on that beach. And it is just right in front of my face. It might be because I've just mainlined the court of Thorn and Rose's audio books. So when I asked myself, why do I want that, I would love to do a creative project like that, and I would love to do it with you. Why? I think it would be amazing to get lost in a completely fictional world that we've created.

 

Sawyer Robbins (35:50):

Why

 

Mel Robbins (35:55):

I am just yearning for a creative process that feels exciting and that doesn't have the deadlines and the demands of work. Like something for the just joy of getting lost in something. Why? I think it's because everything that I do right now has a deadline and it feels like it just is like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. And I want to feel something more expansive than the current way that I am creating things. And I've never done anything like this. And frankly, it scares the hell out of me because it's something that I don't know how to do. I have no idea how you write fiction. I have no idea how you build a fantasy world. I have no never done it.

 

Sawyer Robbins (37:15):

Why?

 

Mel Robbins (37:18):

I'm dying to get lost in something. And I think that's the reason I'm really looking to get time back. And it seems like this project and really having a world to escape into would allow me just the space away from the constant demands of absolutely everything that I do right now.

 

Sawyer Robbins (37:51):

That makes a lot of sense.

 

Mel Robbins (37:55):

And what's interesting, as I say all that is that I don't have time to write this right now. I don't have time for another project. So what I actually want is similar to what your Aunt Christine was saying, that I want this project so badly and I want to start on it and start collaging images around it and imagining it because I have no room for myself right now. Every thought is about work. Every thought is about something related to you guys or dad or the dogs or the cat or something that I need to do. And I just want just some freedom from that obligation

 

(38:48):

Of constantly thinking about something or that's got a deadline attached to it or someone that needs something. This just feels like something that's all my own. And so I think what I actually want is more time to myself doing nothing. And it's kind of ironic that somebody that is overworked right now and doing too much would create yet another project to then be the reason that I need to escape. Just like Christine would see a lake house as a way to get what she really wants, which is more time with her kids and her husband and her family while her boys are still home. It's really illuminating. I still think we should write it.

 

Sawyer Robbins (39:42):

Yeah, we have to.

 

Mel Robbins (39:44):

We're going to maybe not today. Maybe when you retire.

 

Sawyer Robbins (39:50):

So what are you going to now do with this insight?

 

Mel Robbins (39:55):

First of all, I'm going to take the wisdom from the five why framework and focus on that. And that is I desperately need time to myself,

 

(40:07):

Time away from work, time away from deadlines, time away from taking care of everybody else. And that might just be making sure that it's not a 10 minute walk I take in the morning, but I actually get up and go for a half an hour walk. It might be that I spend more time on the weekend just out in the garden doing nothing, which is time that I really enjoy by myself. It might be that instead of turning on the tv, I drop into a book something that allows me to escape the constant thinking. Does that make sense?

 

Sawyer Robbins (40:45):

Yeah.

 

Mel Robbins (40:45):

I just need more space. I could even see going away for all of a sudden what popped into my mind was doing a meditation weekend where I just go alone and I do something for me.

 

Sawyer Robbins (41:01):

That's amazing.

 

Mel Robbins (41:03):

Which is something I can do now and I don't have to write a three-part fantasy trilogy to do it. Yeah.

(42:42):

But when you know why you want it, that time is slipping through your hands and you want to make the most of it while you can with the people that you love, that you made yourself a promise when you were really little. And now is the time to see yourself have the courage to keep that promise. Or maybe it's just that you want time to yourself, that there's something that you've been neglecting for you and it's not the thing on the surface that you need. You need the deeper thing, and you need to figure out how to bring it into your life. Now that is a sense of direction, that is meaningful, that has purpose, that is profound. What do you really want?

 

(43:39):

Because when you can answer that question and you can answer why you want it, you know exactly what to do with your life, and there's something that I really want right now. And that's to tell you in case no one else tells you that I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to not only figure out what you want, but to turn your life in that direction and to move toward it. Now, go do it. And I know what I want. I want to thank you for being here with me on YouTube. I want to thank you for sharing this episode with the people that you love. I want to thank you for downloading the workbook. And I also want to tell you in case no one else tells you that I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to figure out what you want and then turn your life in that direction and go for it.

 

(44:37):

And normally I send you to another video, but I want to remind you of the workbook because this really matters. Okay? So make sure you download this. Hit subscribe because when you do that, it tells me you love these workshops. And if you want to watch another one of our workshops, they're all listed in the description below. But your job right now is to answer that question, what do you want? And just know that your friend, Mel Robbins, will be here with a new video every single day to inspire and empower you to go get what you want.