Let Go of Negative Thoughts & Reprogram Your Mind for More Positive Thinking

(15:35):

This is so important that I want to give you one more example about how your mindset either inspires action or it discourages it. So let's just say that you are in a job and you hate it. You feel stuck. You feel like you're kind of dead inside, you're not excited about anything. It's day in, day out, the same thing. Or if you're not working right now, let's say you've taken time off to raise your kids and you're sitting there going, I want to get back in the workforce, but I don't have any skills and I've got a 20 year hold in my resume. Nobody's going to hire me. I don't have any experience. I don't even know how to write a resume. How the hell am I going to get into interior design? When I went to college for accounting and I work in a big accounting firm and I don't even know how to begin doing this, I can't make this happen.

 

(16:31):

If that is the way that you look at the future, if that's your mindset, if you color what's possible through that dark lens, if you keep telling yourself those things, you will see a world where you can't change. So are you going to feel inspired to work on your resume? Of course not because your mindset has stopped you before you even started, and that's why it's critical for you to realize this is not just a conversation about your thoughts. At the end of the day, if you don't have a positive mindset, you and I can talk about actions and habits all day long till we're blue in the face, but you won't do shit about it. I got to get you to have the kind of mindset that also says, Hey, it's worth it. Hey, I can do something about this because if I can get you to be more optimistic, if I can get you to take the dark lens off and put on a lighter one, if I can get you to start believing it is worth it for you to apply, it is worth it for you to put your dating app back up.

 

(17:30):

Yeah, it's worth it for you to pick up the pen and start working on that book. You've always wanted to write, hell yes, it's worth it for you to take 10 minutes today and lay down on the floor and do those stretching exercises that the doctor told you you should do because you threw your back out instead of sitting on the couch and bitching about it. Of course, it's worth it. If I can get you to start flip from easy for you to say, Mel works out for you, doesn't work out for me, it's not going to help. I've had anxiety for years. If I can get you into, hey, maybe it will work. Hey, maybe I'm ready. Maybe I should try this. Maybe I do deserve this. That singular switch in your mindset motivates you, encourages you to take action. And that's critical because without action, your problems are not going away without action.

 

(18:22):

Those dreams are not coming true without action. You are not healing the crap that's giving you pain. When you change your mindset, it doesn't make those challenges disappear. It changes your ability to face them. So now that you know what a mindset is and the fact that it impacts the actions that you do or don't take, I now want to prove to you that your mind is super flexible. It is so easily programmed. I mean, I can't even work my television remote and I can teach you how to change the filter in your brain. And when you start to realize, holy cow, Mel's right, my mind is easier to program than a television remote, just you buckle up and wait because your mind has been dying for you to learn what you're about to learn. So let's prove to you that your mind is at the ready to change to help you, okay?

 

(19:18):

Have you ever had an experience where you either were looking or shopping for a new car? I am personally in this boat right now. I drive a 9-year-old car. I love this car, but it's time. 

(20:10):

And then as I started to hone in on the new Bronco, does everybody and their mother drive the new Bronco? It's like it's the only car on the road, the two door, the four door, the soft top, the hard top, the gray one, the red one, the green one, they're everywhere. Now here's the thing, a couple months ago, I had never seen a Bronco up here in southern Vermont, but now that I'm interested in Broncos, I see them everywhere and I want you to think about a time that this has happened to you where you started to get in something and then it's like whammo overnight. You see it everywhere. Maybe it was a handbag that you were really interested in or a certain style of shoe. The Birkenstocks that have the covered toe, it's like those were popular 30 years ago and now every single college student and 20 something is wearing them bangs.

 

(21:12):

The second I wanted curtain bangs, it's like, does everybody have curtain bangs? Suddenly never even noticed them before. Or you hear a song and you tune in, you're like, oh, I love that song. That song is so cool. And suddenly you hear the song playing and every restaurant, maybe you haven't shopped for a car, but I bet when you were looking at colleges, it's like, wait a minute, does everybody have a Michigan sweatshirt? Is there a sticker that says University of Michigan on every car? Is it just me or is that the only college in town? It's the same thing. If you want to have a baby as soon as you are trying to get pregnant, you know what happens? You see kids and pregnant women everywhere. It's like there were only adults on the planet and people that weren't pregnant, and then you want a baby and boom, it's in your face.

 

(21:59):

Or how about this one? You want to fall in love? What do you see? You see couples in love. It's so annoying. It happens instantaneously. You know what that is? That phenomenon where all of a sudden overnight you see something everywhere that is your mind changing in real time. That is a filter in your brain paying attention to what it thinks you are excited about or interested in. And here's the crazy thing about your mind, and this is why this science is so exciting when you understand it, oh my God, here's the crazy part. You ready?

 

(22:45):

The Broncos, the bangs, the Birkenstocks, the babies, they were always there all around you. You just didn't notice them. You want to know why? Because they were not important to you. The fact that you suddenly see those things everywhere, that is an example and it is proof that your brain wiring is changing in real time and your mind is trying to help you. Your mind is showing you the Broncos that have always been there. It's like it's highlighting it with a highlighter. Why? Because it became important to you. Why would your mind let you see things sometimes, but not others? Why are you suddenly seeing the covered toe Birkenstocks now, but you didn't see 'em for the last five years? That's a great question, and this brings us to the topic of the filter in your mind. Oh, I'm so excited for you to learn this.

 

(23:44):

So there is a filter in your mind. It is called the reticular activating system. The reticular activating system. I'm going to call this the RAS, okay? Here's the visual because you know your friend Mel loves visuals and metaphors to make this stuff easy, I want you to imagine that there is a hairnet over your brain. This hairnet is a live network of neurons and it is constantly changing in real time. And this RAS, this network of neuron hairnet that sits over your brain as a filter, it has one job, a very important job, mind you, the RAS has to determine in real time I'm talking nanoseconds, what information it should allow into your conscious mind for you to see and register and what information it will block out from your conscious mind. Another way that you can think about the RAS is think about it like a bouncer in your brain.

 

(24:52):

And the reason why you need a bouncer is because life is sort of like a very popular nightclub. Everybody wants to get in and you need a bouncer who is deciding who gets in and who has to stand in that long line, freezing their ass off in an outfit that is not appropriate for winter? Trying to get in the RAS is the bouncer. It determines what is it that is important enough to Mel Robbins that we are going to let it write in and have her think about it. This is how the bouncer in your mind works. It literally has a guest list and you're the one that writes the guest list out what is on the guest list of your mind, anything that is important to you, okay? All the other yahoos that are not on the list, all the other colleges that are on stickers on every other card, Dartmouth, Harvard Brown, university of Wittenberg, not even noticing those.

 

(25:54):

Why? Because you're thinking about University of Michigan. So all those other college stickers, they're waiting in line, they're not getting in. That bouncer won't let 'em in, but boom, there's a University of Michigan. Come on, you're going in. That's how it works. And so this is super, super important and it's really exciting, okay? It's really exciting because when you understand that there's this electric hairnet on your brain called the RANS that works like a bouncer at a popular nightclub, we can tell that bouncer what you want, who you want to let in. It's that simple. When you get intentional about purposefully telling this bouncer what you want to see, the RAS reprograms itself in real time, it changes the filter. This is a live network in your brain. It changes in real time to help you see those things that are important to you. That's what you're experiencing when you suddenly see the card that you're interested in all over the road. And today, you're going to learn how to use that scientific neurological fact to your advantage because you are going to give yourself a mindset reset. So we've been talking about your mindset and we've also started to scratch a surface at this thing called the reticular activating system. This is that live filter in your brain that is flexible and capable of changing in a nanosecond to help you. So let's start with this question from a listener named Peter.

Mel Robbins (27:39):

Thanks Peter. So I want to focus on one aspect of your question, and that is where you said getting past your doubts. This is where the science gets really interesting because your belief about yourself is a mindset. You use the word Peter, self-doubt. If you have a lot of self-doubt, you question yourself. You criticize yourself, you hold yourself back. What color do you think the lenses on your sunglasses are? I'm not trying to be silly here. I'm trying to make this intellectual topic very tangible and understandable. If you doubt yourself, you put a lot of energy into doubting yourself. It's not just one thought. You probably do it all day long. Your thoughts are critical, you hesitate, you don't speak up, you hold yourself back. All of that is energy that makes your RAS think that doubting yourself is important. If you doubt yourself and you go into work, you know what happens to you at work, you don't see the 15 things that you do, right?

 

(28:49):

You know what you obsess over the one thing you've done wrong. This is where the RAS starts to make it worse because your RAS sees you spending so much energy and mental fuel in criticizing, doubting and hesitating, and so your RAS thinks, oh my gosh, ding, ding, ding. Peter thinks it's important for him to see what's wrong. And so your RAS blocks the 15 things that you did, right? You know what you did today, Peter? You sent 32 emails. Great job. You didn't see it though. You did a great job with those five customers. You're not giving yourself credit though you were amazing in that meeting earlier, not getting credit for that either, but the one email, but one email that bouncer's like, come to the front of the line. I'll take the email that is negative and that email is getting in. When you doubt yourself, it your mindset towards self-doubt, and then your brain gets involved when the email from your boss comes in, Hey, can you stop by my office before you leave today?

 

(29:52):

How do you think Peter's RAS interprets that email if he doubts himself? I'll tell you how when he reads, can you stop by my office before you leave today? His RAS goes, oh shit. Because you've trained it to look for things that aren't right. By putting so much time and energy into focusing on your self-doubt, you are also training the filter in your brain to filter out everything that's going right and to focus only on the one thing that's going wrong, thereby magnifying the self-doubt. Let's go back to an earlier example.

(30:58):

This is how mindset and the filter in your brain get linked. They become fused together. So first it starts with a mindset. You're thinking negative thoughts and then your filter gets involved, and next thing you know, you're just seeing more and more and more and more reasons to doubt yourself. This is the good news, okay? If you get intentional about searching for reasons to feel proud or for the small wins, the 1532 emails that you sent, the good things that you did, the places where you're showing up, your mind will spin like a top and all of a sudden, just like you saw Broncos and babies and Birkenstocks, instead of seeing the one thing that you did wrong, you will see the 15 things that you did, right? This is not a joke, it's hard science. This also, by the way, ties right back into the endless science about the power of a gratitude practice.

 

(31:53):

A gratitude practice is a way to train your mind. A gratitude practice is teaching the RAS, that being grateful and taking times to savor beautiful moments and focusing on things that you're really proud of and you appreciate that that's important to you so you see more of it. That's how this all works hand and hand. And I want to give you one more example because I think this is challenging at times to see in ourselves because we're so used to seeing the world through a certain lens that we don't even realize we're wearing sunglasses, but it is kind of easy to spot in other people. So here's one more example about how your own beliefs and mindset about yourself or a situation that you're in can become paralyzing because the filter in your brain keeps the mindset in place, okay? So think about somebody that you love who's single, and they are desperate to meet the right person, and the longer they stay single, the more and more insecure they get by the day.

 

(33:06):

And when you see them, you see a person who is smart, who's awesome, who's hilarious, who's loyal, who's sexy, who's amazing, who would be the most incredible person to be in a relationship with, but I want you to just imagine that the color of the lens on your glasses, when you look through your belief about them, it's completely different than the color of the lens on their glasses when day in and day out. All this person can think is, why can't I find somebody? Why does everybody else have somebody? I see all my friends getting approached at the bars. I see my friends getting asked out, why am I not getting asked out?

 

(33:53):

What you've now learned about the mindset and belief about yourself and the way your filter responds in real time is the more energy you put into a negative narrative like this, it's never going to work out for me. Nobody's ever going to love me. I am unlovable. Everybody else has a date. I'm never going to have a date. The more that mindset and that belief becomes a self-fulfilling situation, why? Because you're putting so much energy into the negative that the filter in your brain is now going to filter the world in a way to reinforce the negative story. When you walk into a bar, all you're going to see are all the couples. You're not even going to focus on all the other people that are single that you should walk up and talk to. This also explains why you as the friend see the opposite and you can tell the person over and over and over again, you need to calm down.

 

(34:43):

You're amazing. You are going to find an amazing person. It's not that you're not going to meet somebody, you just haven't met the right person yet. It's the exact same situation. But because both of you have different mindsets and beliefs about the situation, you see it through a different lens and you both believe by the way that your belief is the truth. The more that this carries on for your friend, the less your friend is going to put themselves out there because they're slowly convincing themselves that this is never going to happen. So why bother? See the filter in your brain? It's either going to make the situation worse and this is what I want to teach you. It can make it better, but that depends on your ability to get serious about programming it. And if you can stay positive, if you can stay optimistic, if you can keep saying to yourself, there is nothing wrong with me.

 

(35:35):

I just haven't met the right person yet, but one of these days, the right person will walk in and in the meantime, I'm just going to keep being me. If they can get intentional about creating that mindset, a number of things are going to happen. They're not going to become insecure. They're not going to start acting all weird around people, and they are not going to latch onto some loser just because they're starting to convince themselves that they're desperate and this is their only option. 

(36:24):

I went through this phase where I was really into long nails and suddenly that discover page went from puppies to long nails. And it doesn't matter if you accidentally click on Beyonce videos or on some other thing, wedding videos, the algorithm is going to think that that's what you want to see. So suddenly that's all that you see, and it becomes this self-fulfilling prophecy. Your brain's the same way. Once you focus on something, your brain starts showing you more. My daughter had this huge breakthrough about how she felt about herself based on social media and on her brain because she realized, oh my God, my explore page, it's all fitness models and it's fitness models that are in photos of waist trainers and wearing body makeup and taking these crazy filtered photos and these contorted positions to make themselves look like they have a waist that's two inches small.

 

(37:18):

I mean, of course she felt like shit about her body. Why? Because she was seeing it over and over and over again. And so her brain started thinking, oh, well, this must matter to you. And then the social media pages start aggregating it and showing you more and more and more. And so as that all starts to happen, you start to believe that everybody on the planet is the size of your pinky finger, which then of course invalidates the fact that you have this big, beautiful, amazing, strong body and you look fabulous, but it doesn't matter because it doesn't match all this crap that's being shown in your face. This is how your brain works too, and you got to get on top of this. So before we walk through the mindset reset process, when these thoughts pop in, here's a pro tip, get serious about what accounts you follow.

 

(38:04):

I mean, you definitely want to follow the Mel Robbins podcast because everything we put up is a way to train your brain to work for you. Oftentimes, I personally find that if somebody just throws a science back tip or exercise or tool or tactic or strategy at me, it sounds so dumb on the surface that without the underlying kind of research and mechanics and science that explains why this simple thing works, you will literally roll your eyes and not do it. So now that you have that background, I'm going to reward you with the exercise that I want you to practice. It will sound stupid, but I want you to hang in there because there is a really powerful thing going on in your neuropathways when you try this, and it's also an incredibly cool and fun thing to do with your family, with your friends.

(39:41):

What you'll realize is that there are probably 10,000 heart shapes that are around you in your day-to-day life, the stain on the carpet, the spot on your dog's back, the tear in a pair of pants. They're everywhere. They're absolutely everywhere. And right now, you walk right by 'em. Why? Well, because they're not important to you. You have not told the bouncer of your brain to let the hearts in to the nightclub. So you are walking right past all these things and they're actively being blocked out. The second you start playing this game, find a heart, you will experience something amazing. You will experience your brain going to work for you. And so here's how I want you to play this, because I do want you to play this every single day. This is truly not a game about finding hearts. This is about training your mind.

 

(40:40):

This is a game where you are telling your mind, I am the fricking boss bouncer of the mind. I pay your salary. You are going to do what I tell you to do. You are going to find me a heart. That is your job today. Find me a heart. So get intentional about that. And then I want you to go through your life and just let a heart shape in. And when you see it, here's what I want you to do. And if you're really analytical, you're going to think this is the cheesiest damn thing you've ever heard, but I want you to do this because there's neuroscience involved. When you see that heart, I want you to pause and I want you to really stare at it for a minute. You can take a photo of it. If it's a rock, you can pick it up or a leaf and take it with you because I want you to reward your brain for flexible and for trying to help you.

 

(41:38):

I want you to take that moment for real. As cheesy as this sounds, the foam on the top of your coffee, the shadow on the floor, I want you to take a minute and really savor it and literally just go, holy shit, there it is. That's pretty cool. Yesterday I walked right past this and I didn't even see it. Thank you mind. Wow, you just changed in real time. If you really want to supersize this, if you're somebody that's really struggling with a sense of self-worth or hope or really believing that you can turn things around, I want you to look at that and tell yourself that that was placed there for you to find that this was placed there because you needed to see evidence that it is in fact possible to change the way you think. It is, in fact possible to tell your mind what you want to see more evidence of and for your mind to work for you.

 

(42:45):

And once you see one heart, you will start seeing hearts everywhere. The more hearts that you see, the more that you are connecting into magic, the more that you realize that your brain is trying very hard to help you. It is going to point out hearts in the moss. It's going to point out hearts on the sidewalk. You're going to see hearts on people's clothing. You're going to see them in paintings. It's weird. They're like everywhere. It's as if there is this entire world that you and I live in and we walk by it every single day. And I think that's true about everything that you want, that there is evidence all around you that things are working out, that people are trying to help you if you're willing to see it. At the end of the day, finding hearts is not about finding hearts.

 

(43:35):

It is about something so much bigger because it's proof that you can change the wiring in your mind. You can manipulate and program this filter the RAS to make it work for you. And every time you see a heart, it is evidence that it is true. This is the first step of a mindset reset. And I will say there is something that some of you may experience. So this comes from nay in Germany, and she wrote, Mel, I loved what you said about looking for hearts, and I've been trying it, and I even saw two hearts within an hour, but then I got nervous and was almost afraid to find them. So how do you overcome the fear of making things better?

 

(44:25):

I relate to this because we're used to the way that things are. We're used to the default programming in our minds, even if it makes us miserable. And when you start to catch a glimpse of how things could be different, I think sometimes if you've experienced a tremendous amount of heartache or you've tried so many times to put yourself out there, the idea of believing again that it's worth trying again, that that is what's scary because you've tried and it didn't work out and you felt rejection and you didn't want to feel the rejection again. So maybe those dark sunglasses are what you think protects you, and it's why you don't get your hopes up. And here's what I want to say to you. This is not about hope. This is hard science. When you start to really play around with this next piece of advice, not only about finding hearts, but changing the way you think in real time, you're going to start to see reasons why you deserve to be happy.

 

(45:37):

Yes, you can spot wins instead of the reasons why you're losing. You can change all of this. You can make your mind work for you. And just like I explained how when you have a negative outlook, the RAS can make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. The same is true about a positive outlook instead of a negative downward spiral, when you start to change your mindset, when you change your outlook, you create a positive upward spiral because once you start spotting winds and things to be grateful for your RAS falls right in line and starts showing you more and more. You cannot convince me that you can't change. I just have way too much evidence on my side, and you only have your own experience. I mean, you are up against Mel Robbins on this one, so you can try to tell me, but you cannot convince me because I have taught this exact same research, the science, the strategies that I'm teaching you right now to over a quarter of a million students as part of a course I created called Mindset Reset.

 

(46:40):

And everything that you're learning, including finding hearts, it is working for people around the world. And I have the case studies and testimonials to prove it so you can have your pessimism, but I am always going to be optimistic as your friend about your ability to change. So find a heart today because you will do something that allows you to experience the sensation of the RAS filter changing in your mind in real time. It's honestly crazy. Now, I want to give you one more tool, and I call this tool, it's part of the mindset reset, thought, substitution. And the way to kind of visualize this is thought substitution is how you pop out a dark lens when you get a negative thought and you in a Rosies or lens, and you're going to need this strategy in your day-to-day life. I use this all day long because things come up. I don't care how rosy your outlook is. There are going to be days that you get triggered. And if you're brand new to this idea of a mindset reset and programming your mind to work for you, you need thought substitution because it is how you engage in hand-to-hand combat with your own mind. And it will address a concern that I'm getting a lot like this question from velvet.

Mel Robbins (48:08):

I'm velvet. When you feel your mind dragging you into the abyss woman, you have got to fight back. I know it sounds kind of dumb, but you have to fight back. You cannot let the negativity drag you down and it does drag you down. That's again how mindset either causes action like having you submit to feeling down or it triggers a different action like fighting back. And that's where thought substitution comes in. And what is thought substitution? It's a substitution diet for your mind. Instead of thinking this, you're going to think that. I mean all this negative shit, the abyss that you're talking about, we made that up anyway. So if you can think bad thoughts, if you can spiral out of control down into a dark abyss, can't you think good ones?

 

(48:56):

You aren't born doing that. Somebody taught you to do that. And so you can teach your mind to spiral upward. You can stop and ask yourself, is this thought true? Does it make me happy to tell myself that I suck? Do I feel good when I go down the abyss? Of course not. And so let's think this not that substitution diet that you're going to use to reset one thought at a time. And this is the Mel Robbins way to describe what researchers call cognitive bias modification. It's just catching this crappy thought and substituting something better. And here's one of the best examples of this. The next time that you start obsessing over what could go wrong, just like velvet, here's what you're going to substitute. Instead of thinking, what if it goes wrong? Think this. What if it all works out? 

(50:47):

So as you scan the world around you, you see reasons why it's not going to work out didn't happen last time. I don't want to embarrass myself. I feel uncomfortable when you start to engage in thought substitution. What if it all works out? What if leaving my house is the best decision I've made in a decade? What if I meet the person that I was destined to meet? What if going to 90 meetings in 90 days at AA changes my life? What if it all works out? See how that mindset switch? Cognitive bias modification. See how that leads you to feeling more encouraged? What if I get into my dream school? You're more likely to apply if you're like, well, what if it does work out?

 

(51:42):

And this is why this is so important, because your brain is paying attention to what's important to you. And I don't think any of us have a clue how much airtime we give to negative thinking, to beating ourselves down to assuming that life is going against you, to thinking something's wrong, to beating yourself up, to comparing yourself to other people. And when you start to pay attention to two facts, number one, your mind is trying to help you. And number two, when you figure out what's important to you and you make it a priority, your mind will adjust in real time and help you see an entirely new world. And when you see that it's possible that you could get into your dream school, that's a whole new world. When you see that it's possible that you'll make the best friends of your life in the next year of your life, a whole new world is possible.

 

(52:41):

When you see that you can not only get your dream job, a whole new world is possible, and it begins with two simple things I want you to do. Look for hearts. So you experience that a whole new world is possible, that there's a world that you're walking by every day. This is critical. I do this every single day, and it sounds like such a dumb thing. And I often think about this moment where a reporter's like, so what's your secret to success? And I'm like, look, I look for a heart every day. I mean, it sounds so stupid, doesn't it? But what I'm actually saying is I am actively engaged in the process of training my brain. And every time I see a heart, it's a reminder, oh yeah, my brain will tell me what I want it to tell me. And so I can either let the campaign a misery, take control of my RAS, or I can tell my brain, no, it is important to be happy.

 

(53:41):

And so the hearts for me is a simple way to explain this profound amount of research out there and put it into practical use. That's a simple way for me to explain to you. You are not stuck with the thoughts that you think. That idea right there, that's everything. You are not stuck with the thoughts that you think you can let them rise up, but you don't have to grab 'em and grip onto 'em and wrestle 'em to the ground and be like, oh, there's that stupid thought that my dad taught me to think. Bye, dad. The opportunity of your adult life and the rest of the time that you have is to reclaim your experience of life, to see all the places, not where you don't fit in, but all the places where you can go, all the places where you could be, all the wins that you have, all the strengths that you have, all the magic you have to give. I believe that you have huge wins every single day, and that I want you to give yourself credit for 'em. I believe that you've survived a ton of crap and you don't even give yourself credit for that. I believe that you're pretty awesome, and I want you to start to have a brain that filters the world in that direction. And that brings me to Molly's question.

Mel Robbins (55:17):

Molly. I love this question. That's what it feels like to have a mindset and a filter that works for you because this idea of peace is what we're all ultimately after. When you're at peace, you're okay with everything that is and everything that isn't, and you're not chasing something in order to fill a lack. And think of even the term peace of mind. Peace of mind means you're not in conflict with your own heart and head and desires. That's a beautiful thing. When you have peace of mind, your mind is working for you. And I can really relate to this desire because I've spent most of my life with a sword in my hand, arguing with myself in my own head, maniacally searching for everything that's going wrong. And all I want right now is exactly that. I want peace. And so here's one suggestion on how you can start to bring peace to mindset, reset process, and the tools that we've already discussed.

 

(56:28):

So every time you are looking for hearts and you find one, consider it a gift from the universe showing you that peace is possible. And as you stand there and you look at that heart that all of a sudden the filter just showed to your conscious mind, I want you to feel a sense of peace. And this is important because you show up differently in life when you are fueled by optimism and you're fueled by hope, and you're fueled by this belief in yourself when you have peace of mind in that, that's a very different experience of life than when you're driven by fear and doubt. And so that's why I'm telling you this. We all struggle with our mindset, and in moments of weakness, it's going to be there again. But that's okay. You can search for hearts and you can tell yourself what if it all works out.

 

(57:20):

You can remind yourself that we're all a work in progress. You can look for wins every day instead of the things that went wrong. You can spend more time with people that make you feel good instead of chasing places you really don't like. All this is possible, and I want this for you, which is why I hope you'll try this, and simple reframes if you don't feel good enough is you can be like, I'm a work in progress. I can figure it out. I really hope you take this on and this is the work that you'll do for the rest of your life. And it's worth it because the happiest days of our lives are the red ahead of us. Truly. I want that for both of us. And I've spent far too much time beating myself up and looking for what's wrong and searching for reasons to feel tortured or lonely and to stop myself.

 

(58:14):

It's just horseshit. I'm so sick of it, and I'm sure you're sick of it too. And I'm sharing all this because even though I teach this stuff, it's easy stuff to listen to or talk about, you got to put it into practice, and so I, you got to catch yourself. When the negativity starts, you got to knock this middle school shit off and start claiming your adult life because you do deserve to be happy. And even if you don't love yourself, I'll tell you what, I love you. Even if you don't believe in yourself, that's okay. I believe in you, and I'm going to keep on saying it until you catch up with me, because I do believe that you can take the steps to reprogram your mind. You can take the steps to shut up that negativity in your head. You can take the steps to filter the world in an entirely new way and see how it's working to help you, and it doesn't take a whole lot of time to create a better life.

 

(59:13):

Now, go find a heart. I love you and to you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being here on YouTube and being part the YouTube family. I love you. I love you. I love you. Thank you for subscribing. It really lets me know that you love this kind of content and it helps me bring you brand new videos every single day. And I know you're thinking, Mel. Mel, I'm going to share this with everybody, but what about me? What do I want to watch next? I got something teed up for you right here. Check this next video out. You are going to absolutely love it.