How to Manifest Anything You Want: 4 Simple Steps Backed by Neuroscience & Olympic Athletes

(01:04):

I mean, it's pretty clear from the questions you're asking that there's a lot you want to change about your life. There's a lot of cool stuff you want to take on, and so I just got to start by saying I'm really proud of you. Second, it's very clear what you're struggling with. You're struggling with the how do I start, how do I push through self doubt? How do I make this big thing that's way off in the distance a reality? How do I get out of my own fricking way? Well, I want you to know I'm not only talking, I'm listening, and today I'm going to respond. So let's start with a question from Jessica.

 

Jessica (01:46):

Hi, my name is Jessica. I currently live in southern New Hampshire and I'm 39 years old. How can I get started on my dreams and make them a reality? Where do I start, Mel? There's so much self-doubt, it's overwhelming and I just don't know where to begin.

 

Mel Robbins (02:02):

Okay, I love this question from Jessica because I can almost hear you nodding. I can feel it even though I can't see you. I can feel you going, how do I get started? Mel? This is the single most common question I get once somebody knows what they want to change or why they want to change it. The next big question is how, and so I'm going to answer Jessica's question in two parts because there are two parts to how the first part is easy. It's the doing part and how you get started when it comes to taking action and you don't know what to quote, do. This is easy. Just go to Google. I'm dead serious about this. Google has the answer to everything. If you simply go to Google or go to YouTube and type in the change you want to make or the goal that you have or the thing that you want to create in your life, you will probably get 6.3 million search results and every single one of the links that you click on will give you a long list of things that you could probably do.

 

(03:13):

And I'm not being a smart ass here. The fact is, the steps that you need to take action-wise are super simple. The reason why you're stuck is because of the second part of her question. Now, did you notice, she said at the very end, my self-doubt, my self-doubt because one of the reasons why you get stuck is because of the doubt, and this is where working on your dreams and your goals gets really tricky because if your own mindset is working against you, you're actually never going to feel inspired or motivated or encouraged to take the actions that Google result just told you to take. And so we got to focus on your mindset first and foremost when it comes to where do I start because I want to play this out with you, let's just role play here. If you're sitting there going, I would love to become an opera singer, but I don't know, but what if I sound stupid, but this but that.

 

(04:20):

But what if Uncle Willie's, if you start doubting your ability to make that happen, how motivated do you feel if you're sitting there telling yourself that you can't do it or that it's not going to work? This is the reason why most people never even get started on their goals and dreams. Their thinking pattern is the problem because their self-doubt, their perfectionism, their lack of self-worth, it's convincing you not to take the action. And this is such a common problem that Jessica's not the only one that has actually submitted a question about this. I got a ton of them, and so I want to play another question that was submitted from a woman named Megan so that I can start to show you that you're not the only one who's self doubt is the problem.

(06:13):

And kind of like guilt tripped me a little bit. So I kind of shut down the conversation and I basically just don't know what to do and I feel stuck, but I feel like I need to do it, but I don't have a reason to other than I want to is how do I get past feeling stuck and too afraid and I feel like I'm just always looking for excuses of why I shouldn't. My biggest fear is just getting there and then being like, why did I do this? I'm alone. I have no family or friends here. Who knows when my family or friends are going to visit me, even if they will. And I going to, is this going to cost me a lot of money? And now I put myself in a bad financial situation? What if I lose my job and I'm in a new city? What if I hate it? So Mel, how do I get started? What is the first step I should take and what is the right way of going about doing this?

 

Mel Robbins (07:14):

Oh my God, first of all, can we just agree we love Megan? Don't you just love how honest she is, how she's just laying it all out there? And you know what else I love about her? She is every single one of us because once you lock onto something that you quote, have an itch, and by the way, that's the only reason you need if you want to do something, if you have a desire to do it, if you have that itch, that pull, that's your reason. You don't need any other justification other than you get to want things. You get to try things. And so I just love her because in sharing so much about how she's struggling internally and you can hear that can't, you can hear how much she wants to do this, and yet there is that conflict inside of her.

 

(08:03):

And so I want to unpack this layer by layer for you because here's the thing, it's very easy for me on the outside to put my hands on my hip and to look at Megan with a big smile and say, honey, you are not getting any older. Get your ass out of Tampa and move. What if it all works out? Stop worrying about it. And by the way, Tampa's waiting for you in case you hate it. So you can reverse the decision, but you got to start taking some risks. I could tell her this all day long, but what really moves the needle in your life is when you can coach yourself, when you can shut down the conversation inside your own mind. Because the only thing that is holding Megan back from pursuing something she's been thinking about for years is the conversation she's having with herself.

 

(09:00):

And so how do you shut down the conversation? The answer, believe it or not, is manifesting what? Mel, hold on a second. Mel Robbins, did you just say, all I have to do is manifest. If I think about moving magically, it'll happen. No, that's not what I said. You see, you don't understand what manifesting is. Nobody does. I didn't for decades. Manifesting is not just imagining something or wishing or wanting something to happen. That's what Megan's been doing. She's been thinking about it. She's been wishing it would happen. She's been wanting it to happen. Has that made her move? No, that's not manifesting everybody. Manifesting is intentionally training your brain and your nervous system to believe in something that hasn't happened yet. That's what manifesting is. Manifesting is a power tool. It's backed by neuroscience. It is backed by years of research. And when used properly, it helps you achieve your goals because it helps you prepare to do the work.

 

(10:19):

I use science-backed manifesting tools every single day to shut down the negative conversations in my life and to live a big life and to take big risks. And dude, Olympic athletes use manifesting, and we're going to get into how Olympic athletes and the world's leading business leaders and successful people everywhere use it. But I'm telling you right now, the way you shut down your internal conversation that is holding you back is manifesting. And I'm not only going to give you the definition of what manifesting is and what it isn't, but I'm going to walk you through four steps back by neuroscience on how you're going to use manifesting properly as a brain reprogramming tool. That's what we're going to do here today. And I'm also, as I walk you through these steps, you're going to learn the four mistakes that absolutely everybody makes when it comes to the how and when it comes to trying to manifest.

 

(11:22):

Jessica, I'm sure is making this mistake. Megan makes this mistake. I've been making this mistake for years until I understood the science. And so as I do this, I want to turn the spotlight on you for a second because I'm going to continue talking about Megan and I'm going to learn a lot about manifesting and how to use science to rewire your mind. But what is something that you feel the itch to do that you've been thinking about, that you're the one shutting down? Here's a way that you could really get honest with yourself. Let's just say that Mel Robbins was going to take a sabbatical from hosting the Mel Robbins podcast, and let's say I was going to move into your house and you and I were going to be surgically joined at the hip for a year and you were going to have to deal with me being by your side and in your ear day by day I'd be there as you woke up, I'd be there as you go to sleep, I can sense that itch because I'm connected to your hip.

 

(12:23):

What is it? Knowing that I would be in your life annoying as hell, pushing you through your fears. What would you take on that you're not taking on right now? What dream would you pursue? If I'm your big O line, you know your offensive lineman in football, I'm the one that's going to block and tackle for you. I'm the one that's going to clear the path. I'll handle your fricking parents. I'm going to find the apartment. I'll push you out of your comfort zone. We got this because I'm going to be by your side. What is that thing that itch, that dream? Because I want you to be selfish as you listen to this, and so hold onto that. As I describe how manifesting is one of the first things you have to learn how to do to get started on making this a reality.

(14:34):

And when you manifest properly, it's almost like the pregame training that you do before the big game. It prepares you to take action. It boosts your confidence, it gets you ready to do that thing. So you and I are going to walk step by step through how to do this, but I just want you for this moment, I want you to embrace the definition that this is not wishing. This is not the law of attraction. This is based in science and neuroscience. This is about reprogramming your mind instead of letting your fears run your life. I know what you're thinking. Okay, Mel, what the hell does that mean? Don't you worry. We're going to go step by step through this and I'm going to keep on teeing up the mistakes that you're making because everybody makes the same mistakes. 

(15:46):

This does not work if you're lying to yourself. This does not work if you're fuzzy about what you want. And so Megan already did step one. She said, I want to move. She even told us that she'd been wanting to do this for a while and the only thing that's been holding her back is all that negative programming in her mind. So now let's turn to you tell me the truth, what's something that you want? And don't be scared to say it out loud, don't worry, I'm not moving in with you. But you have to tell the truth. That thing that you have an itch to do, that's what I'm talking about. And if you are so shut down that you don't even know what you would want to manifest, let's do the exercise that I have shared multiple times on the Mel Robbins podcast Every single morning as part of your morning routine, I want you to just take out a piece of paper and write down five things that you want.

 

(16:40):

And every morning as you do this, as you give yourself permission to want things, you're training your mind, you're getting in touch with your dreams and your goals, and if you're having trouble connecting with this, I have a free cheat sheet for you. Just go to mel robbins.com/dream big. I walk you through it. You can download it for free and you can also listen to the episode we just did on dreams. It's the one we released right before this one. But you have to be honest. You want to know why? Because you're training your brain and your brain knows when you're bullshitting, especially when you're bullshitting yourself. You cannot half-ass this stuff. Just listen to this question from Rochelle.

 

Rochelle (17:18):

My name's Rochelle. I am from Ontario, Canada, a small town north of Toronto. So for 25 years I've had a head full of ideas. I've had half-assed projects and lots of plans I chose always wishing, overdoing. Many of my blocks were due to fear, many just basic survival. The idea of goal setting, it really fires me up. The idea of remembering to revisit those goals that freaks me out. But I just think of all the things that I should have done and want to do still that again, I've thought about over the last 25 years. What do you have a vision board for that seems like What are you a child?

 

Mel Robbins (18:05):

I love you guys so much. What do you have a vision board for? What are you child, Rochelle? Okay, so first of all, we love Rochelle. We love everybody. And what I love about her is she's admitting to you that she's been thinking about things that she's wanted for 25 years and she's never getting past the thinking part. Why? Well, because again, the overwhelm, the self-doubt, all of the disorganization, it's stopping her. That's where manifesting comes in. And she asked the question, vision boards, what the hell am I a child? Let me tell you why vision boards can be important with one huge caveat based on science. Vision boards are important because when you take the time to create a vision board, which is basically bringing your dream or your goal to life by creating a collage of images, what you're doing is you are grabbing that dream or that goal that typically we bounce around in the back of our minds in private, you're pulling it out of your mind and you are grounding it in reality. And one of the reasons why this can be so powerful is because it signals to your brain that this is really important to you. We've talked in previous episodes about the Zy garic effect. It creates this kind of to-do list in your mind. The other reason why it's important is because when you put a vision board in a place where you can see it, it keeps these goals and dreams front and center, which is really important. But here's the problem.

 

(19:32):

Everybody puts the wrong shit on their vision boards. You've been sold a bill of goods. You have been told that if you simply create a collage of some beach house or your dream body or a million dollars in the bank or a Maserati, that suddenly the universe is going to hand you those things. That's not how that works. What research shows is exactly what Rochelle is talking about. If all you ever do is think about the big thing, you think about the end goal, the beach house, the Maserati, the thing that's like 10 years from now, and then you create this beautiful collage of this amazing thing that you want, that's a huge mistake. And see, everybody makes this mistake. If you look at anybody's vision board, you know it's on it. It's beach houses and a million dollars in a Maserati and the finishing line at the New York City Marathon and all the things that you hope and dream for.

 

(20:26):

And the reason why that's a huge mistake is that if the only thing that is on your vision board is the thing that's going to take you 10 years to get done, as you sit here in your studio apartment or in the spare bedroom of your parents' house at a desk in the corner and you stare at a $10 million beach house, oh my God, that is going to feel so far away. It's going to feel like you might as well move to Mars for crying out loud instead of that vision board, keeping your dreams front and center, that vision board is rubbing them in your face. It's not motivating at all. Why? Because you start to become present day in and day out to how far away you are from that dream of yours, and that starts to make you feel less motivated. It doesn't surprise me at all that Rochelle has been thinking about all kinds of things for 25 years, and yet she can't get started. And the reason why is because she's making the mistake of visualizing the end. Manifesting is not just hoping and wishing. Remember for that beach house manifesting is training your mind, body, and spirit to do the work to make that beach house a reality. 

(22:41):

So manifesting properly according to science means you are socializing your mind to take action. Now, what does socializing your mind mean? Because that's the language they used in the study. It means you're training your mind to take the action By sitting there and mentally rehearsing this, you are telling your mind, you're stimulating the part of the brain that actually is going to take the action. This taps into something called procedural memory and it helps you lock in the actions you need to take as a new habit. See, procedural memory is part of your long-term memory. It's like writing with your hands or pouring a glass of water. All those actions and habits, they're all stored in your procedural memory. Your procedural memory has all the information that you need in order to perform things like brushing your teeth or walking and talking. And when those things get rehearsed over and over and over again, guess what?

 

(23:43):

They become encoded, they become automatic. The more you think about the steps you need to take and you start to visualize them, the stronger the connections become. And this isn't just common sense. What happens when you visualize this way is that connections are being made between gaps and neurons. They're passing signals back and forth. And so before you even take the actions, you are now socializing your brain to get ready to do it. You're preparing. It's super cool. So let's just start with step one, manifesting according to science, you got to claim what you want and tell the truth. So let's say that step one I want to train for and I want to complete the New York City Marathon. That is a bucket list item for me. And in fact, that was a bucket list item for me and it's something that I've done and you should do it too.

 

(24:36):

It's amazing. And so yes, you are going to wake up every day and you're going to write that dream down. But to achieve it, please do not spend any time visualizing crossing the finish line. Please do not spend any time thinking about the roaring applause of the crowd as your name gets announced. Instead, what are you going to do? You're going to use science because you're smart. You're going to visualize yourself lacing up your running shoes when it's 10 degrees outside, you're going to close your eyes and you're going to picture what it feels like to be out there on a training run alone. It's mile 13, you're on your own and your freaking earbuds just ran out of batteries and you're six miles from your house. And as you close your eyes and you picture that annoying and irritating moment, I want you to feel in your body the sensation of that moment.

 

(25:34):

And I want you to feel in your body. Another one. How about this moment? It's 5:00 AM your alarm goes off, you're exhausted, you look out the window and you see it's pouring rain and it's a Saturday and you said you do a training run and I want you to see yourself dragging yourself out of bed, pulling on your jacket even though you don't feel like it, and walking out that door. And I want you to feel yourself starting to run in the rain and it's five 10 in the morning. That's how you manifest. Because here's the thing, that's what you're going to have to do in order to achieve your goal. And more importantly, five months from now when you've registered for that race and that alarm goes off at 5:00 AM and you roll over in real life and you look out the window and it's pouring, you will have rehearsed this moment.

 

(26:38):

So your brain and your nervous system and your body is going to be ready for it. You're going to roll out of bed because you've already been in this moment. You already have seen yourself there. You've already felt the resistance. You not only know exactly how this goes, you've rehearsed it in your mind and you've now rewired your brain to be ready for it. That's why you can't half-ass this. You got to be dead serious about visualizing the steps you need to take. And so now that you got step one, which is tell the truth about what you want, get very clear about it. Step two is stop focusing on the end and start focusing on the irritating crap you're going to have to do day in, day out to march toward it. Now we're going to go from the kindergarten manifesting according to neuroscience, to Olympic level manifesting. Are you ready? I'm ready because...

(28:33):

You are going over and over and over and over again, every twist and every turn. Because remember, according to the research at UCLA, your brain doesn't know the difference between something that happened to you for real and the things that you imagine happening to you. So you're warming yourself up to exactly what you'll feel as you're taking action. There was a huge article about this in the New York Times and in it bobsled Lyndon Rush, who's an Olympic medalist, said, I've tried to keep the track in my mind throughout the year. He said, I'll be in the shower brushing my teeth. It just takes a minute. So I do the whole track or sometimes just the corners that are more technical. You try to keep it fresh in your head so when you do get there, you're not just starting at square one. And it's amazing how much you can do in your own mind.

 

(29:23):

And in fact, one of the things that psychologists use this for with our Olympic team is helping athletes deal with the anxiety and resistance that comes up when they're about to go back into racing after an injury. And so this sort of imaginary, this deep manifesting where you feel it. So what does that mean? You got to smell the air. You got to feel the wind. You got to really put yourself at the scene. When I was a young trial lawyer, I used to work for the Legal Aid Society as a criminal defense attorney. And when I was being trained to do trial work, they used to say, when you're talking to a jury, you have to put people at the scene. You've got to describe something in a way that they could almost see taste or smell it. And that's what you need to do. And so here's what I want to do. I want to do this with you right now. We're going to use our friend Megan, remember she's the one that wants to move from Tampa. I want to play a part of her clip where she talks about her fears. As you're listening to our friend Megan, I want you to see what sensations come up in your body as you are listening to her. Describe all the resistance and fears that she has about this thing that she wants to do.

 

Megan (30:50):

My biggest fear is just getting there and then being like, why did I do this? I'm alone. I have no family or friends here. Who knows when my family or friends are going to visit me, even if they will, is this going to cost me a lot of money? And now I put myself in a bad financial situation? What if I lose my job and I'm in a new city? What if I hate it?

 

Mel Robbins (31:17):

You want to know what Megan's doing? She's manifesting. She is letting her fears rehearse the worst case scenario. She has trained her brain and her nervous system to be terrified of this move. She has a visualization, right, that it's not going to work. That her parents are going to be mad that it's a huge mistake, that she's going to lose her job, that no wonder she's not doing it. She's using manifesting in the exact opposite way. She's literally, she is systematically through her excuses and her fears and her parents stuff, she's training her own mind to work against her. I'm afraid of this. I'm afraid of that. It's going to be like this. It's going to be like that. You could feel, couldn't you? When she said, what if I get there and I'm alone? What if I get there and it's the worst decision?

 

(32:16):

I bet you felt your chest sees a little bit when she said, what if I regret it? I bet you felt yourself shrink a little bit. See, her excuses have trained her mind and body to resist taking the action. You do the same thing every time you look at the thing that you want, that itch that you have, the dream that you have, the goal that you have and you're like, but this, but that. But what about the other person? But you're visualizing all the negative and this is why you're stopped. And so instead of mentally rehearsing your deepest fears, let's just flip this, try visualizing it being great. I mean instead of going, what if it doesn't work? What if it all works out? What if this is the best decision I've ever made in my entire life? Visualize saying goodbye to your parents and packing the U-Haul.

 

(33:11):

Visualize yourself alone in the apartment. Go to that really scary moment where you're there alone and you feel yourself getting anxious, but then visualize yourself putting your shoes on, leaving the house. Go into that event you signed up even though you didn't feel like it, and bumping into somebody and making a new friend. Visualize your mom calling and saying, I miss you. I wish you had it. And as you look out at the mountains or the oceans or this whole new city that you live in, feel the pride inside yourself that you took the risk and that you're going to see her next month when you go home. And in a weird way, visualize and feel how this distance and you growing up has made your relationships stronger. Visualize that moment where you lose your job and going, but that's okay. I didn't like that job anyway, and I've met so many people here that now I'm networking and I've just landed something new.

 

(34:06):

Visualize yourself winning. So I think you're getting this. I know you're getting this. Lemme just recap. Nobody gets left behind on the Mel Robbins podcast. Step one, tell the truth. Your brain knows BS and we need the truth from you. What do you actually want? Step two, you're going to use neuroscience, which means you're going to visualize and feel in your body all the little things you have to do. The annoying, the irritating. I want you to see it to smell it. I want you to see yourself falling down or being scared and then picking yourself back up and feel the pride. Push through the resistance. There you are doing it. Rehearse it in your mind over and over and over. And what you're really doing is you are decoding all the resistance that your fears put in and you are encoding and rewiring a whole new track, a tape in your mind that shows you doing the work and making it happen.

 

(35:02):

And this is what Olympic athletes do. This is what Mel Robbins does. This is what successful people in business do and this is what you're going to be doing now. And so now I want to teach you something else because I think what's going to happen is that you're going to get all excited and you're going to identify and tell the truth about what you want and you're going to sit down and you're going to go to start visualizing the steps and then something interesting is going to happen. You might find that something weird happens because this is what happened to Mara and it's extremely common. So listen to this question.

 

Mara (35:41):

Hey Mel, my name's Mara. I'm from Chicago, Illinois. I have a question for you. I was just curious, how does one tackle overcoming imposter syndrome while manifesting? So how can I take the steps to work on a business that I'm passionate about, interior design with absolutely no experience other than my own home and planning my own parties and gifting during the seasons and birthdays. When I see these types of businesses online, they really, really inspire me to create, but the thought of me doing it myself is so scary.

 

Mel Robbins (36:20):

Okay, I love this question. This is so juicy and great and I just am so happy, Mara, that you asked this. So first of all, let's just stop saying imposter syndrome, okay, everybody, because when you're new to something, you're a student. That's it. You're a beginner, that's it. You're not an imposter. You're not faking anything. You're actually figuring it out. It's part of the process. And so stop saying you have imposter syndrome because all you do is you have a dream and you're going to begin to chip away at it. That's what we're doing here. So that's number one. Number two, this is really common. The reason why it's really common is because your fear is so big and your self-doubt is so big and you've never done this thing before. And you can tell based on the fact that ma was kind laughing. She's like, oh my God, I kind of love this thing.

 

(37:10):

And so she's diminishing how big of a dream this is, and a lot of us do that. We kind of make a little bit of a joke or downplay it a little bit or we are nervous about it. We kind of don't even admit it. So first of all, I'm proud of you for admitting it, Mara. That's step one. You told the truth. Step two, the things you need to do, you can figure out because you're a student, you're a beginner, you love this, you're smart, and there's Google and there's YouTube, and that's going to give you the steps and those are the things that you need to visualize. So when you sit down and you start to visualize and mentally rehearse, remember you're an Olympic athlete, you're a winner. We're using neuroscience here. We're going to decode all those fears and all those bullshit excuses, and we're going to re-encode some confidence and we're going to see you doing it.

 

(37:59):

You might experience not being able to picture yourself in the visualization. This is super common. So here's what you're going to use. You're going to use the power of objectivity. That's it. What does that mean? That means if you can't picture yourself doing the work, pick somebody that you admire who you could visualize doing the work. And there's a catcher. So for example, you could pick me, could pick an interior designer that you absolutely love. There's so many of them online that you could pick from, that you can follow on Instagram and you can imagine them in there taking the certifications, asking their friends if they could stage their apartment for an Instagram photo shoot, networking with realtors, trying to get a job in a design firm or heck in an amazing furniture retail location. So you start to kind of build up the acumen.

 

(38:59):

There's all kinds of things you can do. If you can't picture yourself doing those small steps put in me or somebody that you deeply admire who's already in the interior design business, your mind will allow you through the power of objectivity to imagine someone else. Now here's the catch. Here's the catch, because remember, I am the oline. I'm your offensive lineman. I'm clear in the past, so I'm not doing this on my own. I'm doing this and I'm in your visualization so you can score with the ball. So at some point in that visualization, let's just say you get a job at one of your favorite retail stores that sells furniture and is in the design business, and let's just say you put me in there and I'm the one that's managing the store. At some point in that visualization, I want you to visualize me turning around and extending my hand and saying, come on Maura, it's your turn.

 

(40:07):

Come here and help me and let me invite you to join my side in your visualization. Visualize us doing the work together. It's a super awesome hack, and using the power of objectivity, we can work around that blind spot in your brain and until you're ready to fire Mel Robbins from that job, and now you can start visualizing yourself doing all the steps you're scared to take now. Super cool. Now let's get to step four because this is probably the most important part of manifesting according to neuroscience, and I think absolutely everybody forgets to tell you this part. Let's play Cynthia's question.

 

Cynthia (41:01):

Hi, my name is Cynthia. I'm from Temecula, California. My question was Tamil, how do you go about manifesting without feeling like a sense of selfishness? I was raised in a very strict Catholic household and when you asked for things, it was kind of like you had to do something in return. So I feel like when I'm asking the universe or God, whatever you believe in for my things that I feel like I owe somebody something, something's going to get taken away. So it makes me a little nervous to ask or manifest.

 

Mel Robbins (41:39):

Cynthia, I got to tell you, you're right. You are right when you manifest. It's not selfish at all by the way. It's an act of self-love when you train your mind to help you get what you want, but when you manifest, you are going to owe somebody something and you know what? You owe them fucking work. That's right. You have to do the thing you're visualizing when you sit there and you intentionally mentally rehearse the steps you need to take. There is something that you owe the universe and you owe yourself, and that is to take the action. You're not just going to sit there and train at some point that Olympic athlete has to do the race At some point, you've got to make the cold call. At some point you got to quit the job or pack the U-Haul trailer or get off your ass and do the training run at 5:00 AM So you better believe there is going to be something that is asked of you in return, and that's where the magic comes in because the magic is in your actions and manifesting according to neuroscience just gets your own fears and people's judgments and your childhood wiring out of the way so that you can take those actions. True science-backed ification, it's not as sexy as the secret makes it seem, and it's actually not as complicated...