The Surprising Link Between People Pleasing & Your Health: A Medical Doctor’s Recommendation on How to Say “No”
The Mel Robbins Podcast with Dr. Neha Sangwan
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Does this doctor have the health secret you’ve been looking for? Does people-pleasing really make you sick?
Dr. Neha Sangwan is an internal medicine physician, bestselling author, and accomplished researcher.
Today, Mel sits down with Dr. Sangwan to learn the truth about people-pleasing.
Topics discussed include:
People-pleasing: what it is
Are you a “yes” person?
The difference between “going with the flow” and people pleasing
Why avoiding conflict makes you a people-pleaser
What your “childhood blueprint” is and how it shapes adulthood
People pleasing and the link to illness
What your parents did or said to turn you into a people-pleaser
Why people-pleasing is a coping mechanism
Why you can’t deal with other people’s discomfort
How to trace your people pleasing back to a single moment in time
Why being stressed, irritated, and tired is a sign that you are a people-pleaser
Why being a control freak may be a sign of people pleasing
How to unlearn people pleasing
How every conflict in your life traces back to childhood trauma
What happens, from a medical perspective, when you have an unresolved conflict?
The secret reason you’re an overachiever
How to stop your people-pleasing behavior at work and set better boundaries
What it really means when you resent the people you love
Why people-pleasing is a “protection tool” you learn to use in childhood
The link between chronic worry and people pleasing
The simple 3-part framework Dr. Sangwan uses to say “no” when you mean "no"
How 80% of all illnesses are caused by stress
The 5 questions you should ask yourself to understand what your body is really trying to signal to you
You can purchase Dr. Sangwan’s book, ‘TalkRx: Five Steps to Honest Conversations That Create Connection, Health, and Happiness’, here: https://a.co/d/iaVNwiL
Download a FREE audio chapter from ‘TalkRx: Five Steps to Honest Conversations That Create Connection, Health, and Happiness’, here: intuitiveintelligenceinc.com/mel
Follow Dr. Sangwan:
Instagram: instagram.com/doctorneha
Webpage: intuitiveintelligenceinc.com
Watch the episodes on YouTube: https://bit.ly/45OWCNr
Check out my book, The High 5 Habit: https://a.co/d/g1DQ8Pt
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In this episode:
- 02:15: Mel’s jaw hit the floor when she heard this.
- 03:03: If you struggle with people-pleasing, you are not alone.
- 04:02: Are you a “yes” person?
- 05:51: People-pleasing: what is it?
- 09:35: What your parents did or said to turn you into a people-pleaser
- 13:40: Why people-pleasing is a coping mechanism
- 14:24: What your “childhood blueprint” is and how it shapes adulthood
- 17:54: Why you can’t deal with other people’s discomfort
- 23:46: The simple 3-part framework Dr. Sangwan uses to say “no” when you mean "no"
- 25:01: Is everyone on the planet a people-pleaser?
- 28:22: The 2 functions of the brain?
- 31:57: What it really means when you resent the people you love
- 36:32: When Dr. Sangwan connected her people-pleasing with overwhelm
- 38:12: Dr. Sangwan received this shocking diagnosis from an MD.
- 42:34: The secret reason you’re an overachiever
- 46:56: How 80% of all illness is caused by stress
- 49:02: The 5 questions you should ask yourself to understand what your body is really trying to signal to you
- 53:00: Wow, this might be the root cause of your anxiety.
- 54:47: How to stop your people-pleasing at work and set better boundaries
Resources and go deeper:
- Forbes: How to let go of people pleasing
- Harvard Business Review: Stop being a people pleaser
- Washington Post: Are you a chronic people pleaser?
- Harvard School of Public Health: Linking childhood trauma to long-term health problems
- Forbes: 7 signs of perfectionistic overfunctioning
- Cleveland Clinic: How to set personal boundaries at work
- Harvard Business Review: A guide to setting better boundaries
- American Psychological Association: How stress affects your health
- Forbes: 7 unhealthy coping mechanisms
- The Wall Street Journal: Fix burnout - without blowing up your life
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In The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel takes you behind the scenes in real-time. Every episode is packed with tactical advice, hilarious screwups, compelling conversations, and the tools and inspiration you need to create a better life.
