Are You the Driver in Your Life or Just the Passenger?

(20:38):

These are going to be the best, most loving, happiest years of my life. You my friend, reinvent everything. Alright, next up we a question from a listener named McKenna. But first I got to hit the pause button because I can bring you this show at zero cost because of our sponsors. So let's hear a word from them and then we'll be right back with McKenna's question. Welcome back. My name's Mel Robbins. I'm so excited you're here because we're talking about the road trip called life, how you navigate it, how you chart a new course, picking the proper destination to go to next, and most importantly, having the kind of attitude that the best years of your life are on the road ahead. And at any single moment you can make a decision to take the wheel of your life and turn it in a new direction. And that brings me to our next question from a listener named McKenna.

Mckenna (21:33):

Hey Mel, it's McKenna. My question for you is what do you do when you feel blah? Everything is fine. Life is going your way. Nothing bad is happening, but all of a sudden you're stuck in the limbo of feeling absolutely nothing and lackadaisical it can last a few minutes or even days. How do you push through and keep on keeping on? But I have a family and young kids that I don't get to see much because of my work schedule. So the time I have is very precious and I'd rather not spend it a gloomy. Gus, have you felt like this before? What do you do to get out of it? Thank you for everything,

Mel Robbina (22:13):

McKenna. Boy am I glad you asked me this question because there is no way in hell I am going to let you stay in that blah space. And you just asked if I've ever felt that way before. Of course I have. This is so

(23:14):

That's right. Cruise control is on. You're rolling down the road of life, you're exhausted. You're trying just to get to the next mile marker. Well, guess what? There's really, really good news here. And the first thing that I want to acknowledge you for is that you've already checked the box on step one for changing this situation. And that is you recognize it seriously. It's really important. If you relate to what McKenna saying or you're going through the motions in life, you're just sort of on autopilot. You're not really paying attention. Nothing's wrong, nothing's right, you're kind of blah, you're kind of bored. Step one is you got to check the box and say, boom, that's me. I'm on autopilot and I don't want to be on autopilot anymore. Step two, you have to look ahead at that open road and you must intentionally figure out a specific destination that makes you excited to drive toward it.

(24:24):

One of my fondest memories from childhood was the summer that my father rented a motor home and we did a cross country family road trip to hit as many national parks as we could. And the big grand prize destination that my dad was super excited about was we were going to reach Yellowstone and we were going to stay at that big lodge at Yellowstone and we were going to be able to see old faithful. And ironically, my dad, my brother and his kids, and my husband Chris and our son, they're all on their way to Yellowstone right now. Talk about a full circle moment, little synchronicity there. This is the right story to tell you what are the odds of that? I remember you want to know why that road trip was so exciting? It was because we always had something on the road ahead to look forward to.

(25:18):

Whether it was the world famous corn palace, which was a stop or wall drug or Mount Rushmore, we were inching our way toward the big destination Yellowstone. But along the way, there were all these cool things on the road ahead that we were excited to check out. You need that in your life. And now some of this analogy is starting to make sense because if you're staring in the rear view mirror, that's not exciting. You're not heading in that direction. If you look out at the open road and you don't see anything in front of you that you're excited about, that's a problem. And so here's the solution, as counterintuitive as it may seem when you look out on the open road. And for me, I always like to go and time travel about two years ahead because I think in 24 months you can chip away and make just about anything happen.

(26:12):

That's plenty of time for you to start working toward something new. And there's five reasons why this matters. You have to get intentional about where you're headed next, about that destination, about your Yellowstone, which had always been a dream of my father's to take his family there. And there is something that you dream about and it's time to start dreaming big again, especially if you're feeling blah. And there are five reasons why this matters, five reasons why you need to dream big. Number one, big dreams, a new destination that you're going to head towards. Having something out on the horizon that you're looking forward to, that you're working toward. It creates energy in your life, which is something that you're clearly missing. I can hear it in your voice, McKenna. It creates excitement. It gives you something to look forward to, it gives you a goal to work toward.

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And when you have this sort of destination out there on the road ahead, just picking your head up out of the monotony of your day-to-day life, it creates momentum and that forward momentum right out the front on the road ahead, that's so important because that's missing for you right now, isn't it? When you see more of the same, same old, same old. That's why commutes are so boring. There's nothing new. You're not commuting in your life. You got to create an epic road trip. And speaking of a new destination, a destination like a Yellowstone, something out there two years ahead of now, it changes the way you see the world right now. It's very similar to opening up the aperture on a camera to let more light in new destinations on the road of life open you up to more possibilities in your life. So when you open up to more possibilities, I get it.

(28:04):

Things are hard right now. I get it. You got a lot on your plate. Well guess what? Two years from now you can change just about anything. And when you start to open up to bigger dreams, you start to retrain and reshape your outlook, your mind, your attitude to be bigger and better and more exciting than what you're dealing with right now. The third thing that happens when you get very serious about grabbing that wheel and cranking it toward a new destination, you're going to suddenly, suddenly see all kinds of possibility and changes that you could make. See, this is the part where that blah feeling it goes away really quickly. And I'm going to give you an example and then I want to talk about some research about why adding 

(29:59):

Do you care? I'll think so. Why? Because Disney is in your future, and that's pretty cool. So even the demands of your current day to day blah draining life, they don't get you down. Why? Because on the road ahead, you got something pretty cool that trip, just planning it, just visualizing it, just thinking about what's in your future, it boosts your mood, it picks your thoughts up. It even helps you be more productive. And this is all simply because you intentionally put something out in the future, a new destination that makes you excited. That's why this matters so much. And here's the other thing. I know what you're thinking right now, Mel. I don't have time for this shit. A new destination, a trip to Disney. I work so much, I barely see my kids. Well, I got to hit you with some research because particularly when you're exhausted and overwhelmed 

(32:10):

Same. My work to-do list is never ending. I bet you can relate to that. Or how about this one? I need a few more hours each day in order to have time to just manage my family and my life. Wouldn't that be nice? Well, what she did over the course of nine weeks, this is really interesting. Instead of asking people to scale back or have better boundaries between work and life, you know what she taught them to? She taught every one of these folks that are as busy and as burnt out as you that you need to add something. Whether you're building in regular physical activity or you're building in a new little adventure, or you're putting something that requires effort, but it's meaningful to you that you choose action over no action. So for example, instead of just passing out on front of the couch and watching your favorite series, pick up a book and read a novel.

(33:14):

Instead, she also introduced people as busy as you to this principle of take one night for you. And that just means commit for a few hours once a week to doing something you enjoy. It can't be work-related, not with your family, but just for a few hours each week instead of doing less. Add something in. Join a choir, a softball team, and something that makes you, and here's amazing about it when it's something you're interested in doing, even though you look at your schedule right now and it's a giant Jenga puzzle and you're like, I cannot add one more thing to this thing bologna, you can because when you sign up for something that matters for you, you commit to doing it. It nudges you to figure out the logistics, to arrange the childcare, to get your spouse or a friend or a family member to cover for you, even if life feels so busy that you can't even contemplate such a thing right now.

(34:12):

And it works. It works. The participants in our studies, believe it or not, even though their schedules when they began the study were just as overwhelming as yours, when they committed to doing something, literally just singing in the church choir, you know what they reported? That their time felt more abundant. This is the Disney effect that I'm talking about. This is picking your head up out of a monotonous part of the road trip and seeing, oh wow, every minute we're getting closer and closer to Yellowstone. Oh wow, I got church choir this week. I got my pickup soccer league this week. I got the tutoring that I'm going to do as a volunteer this week. It re-energizes you. And in fact, people even reported making more progress at work, finding more time with their family. They had an increase of energy and engagement that spilled out into all areas of their life.

(35:13):

The fact is, we all have the same 168 hours every single week. But here's the thing about time, and it's also true about the journey of life. Your relationship to time and your relationship to where you are in life is also about the stories that you're telling yourself. Your life is always going to be filled with to-do lists, but when you add something that you actually want to do, that's the secret. You got to add something that means something to you. What happens is when you add that in and it competes with your to-do list, time feels different. You feel more in control of your life because you're saying, I know I got all this shit I got to do, but guess what? I'm making it to choir. I'm making it to tutoring. And speaking of tutoring, I've got all this study right here. Here's another study from just a few years ago that I think is really fascinating.

(37:33):

I do this all the time. I'm probably somebody from the outside that you think is one of the busiest people and I am. And there's that saying you want something done. Ask a busy person because they figure out how to fit things in. I am doing this 75 day challenge, 75 hard. Why not? Because I have a lot of extra time, but because I know that when I add something in that matters to me, it levels up all areas of my life. I find time when it's important, and there's something about getting really disciplined and excited about doing something for yourself even though you're super busy, that does spill out into the other areas of your life. In fact, my husband Chris, right now, he's getting a master's in spiritual psychology. Does he have time to do that? No, not as a hospice volunteer, not as he is busy launching a new program for his men's retreat called Soul Degree.

(38:27):

He doesn't have time to do that, but actually he does because he is making the time. I have seen this research in my own life. I am telling you, as counterintuitive as it sounds, please look at the road ahead. The best days of your life are ahead of you. You have to start dreaming big right now and it creates this upward spiral. And I want to give you two free zero cost resources to help you dream bigger and to help you get clear. Because there's a lot of you that are going to now write into me and be like, I don't know what I want. I see the open road, Mel, I want it to be great, but I don't know what I want. No problem. We got you. Zero cost. In the show notes, there are links to two episodes of this podcast. One is about dreaming, vigor, getting in touch with that burning flame inside of you.

(39:17):

And that podcast episode is called Your Dreams Are Not a Joke. It's one of our most shared episodes. You're going to love it. Second episode, another one of our top performing episodes. You guys love this one. You've been sharing it like crazy. It's a toolkit for setting goals. Both of those are master classes that will help you. You're pulled over at this mile marker. We want you to look at the road ahead. You got to start dreaming bigger. You got to insert something into your life right now that makes you excited. So back to my story about the road trip. This is like the ultimate destination is your dream. So that would be Yellowstone. That's what we're reaching near the end of this trip. But coming up next on the journey, it's the world famous corn palace. People we're going to hit that in an hour.

(40:06):

And so that's how you toggle between adding something in now to create energy and then getting serious about those dreams that are out on the road ahead. And I have one other free resource for you. I mentioned that I'm doing 75 hard. You don't have to commit to a 75 day mental discipline challenge. If you want to just add a quick challenge in immediately and find extra time. And if you haven't signed up yet for this wake up challenge, it's zero cost. Thanks to the support of all of our sponsors, we can provide you with all these resources. I just love that. And it's a five day challenge. Let me inspire you, let me support you. The whole thing happens in your inbox, and I'm not only going to get you out of bed and moving, but by doing so, you're also going to find a little bit more time that you need so that you can start to do the work to reinvent your life.

(40:58):

That's what this is all about. And you can do this. I started at the very beginning by saying there is a flame burning inside you. There is, you know, it can feel it that you're meant for more, you know are not supposed to be broken down on the side of the road, on this road trip called life. And I think we underestimate how quickly you can turn your life in a new direction. We spend so much time thinking it's not possible. We put so much energy into our excuses and our fears. When you get to a point where you can say, I'm done feeling this way. I want this to feel good. I want to turn my life in a new direction. It is amazing how quickly things can happen. And so I want you to hear from a listener to this podcast named Denise who had been thinking about doing something for 20 years as she's going down the road of life. Deep within her. The flame that was burning was, I would love to be a voiceover artist. I would love to do that. And for 20 years she thought about turning her life in a new direction. Just thought about it just like you keep doing. And then she finally pulled over. She charted at a new course and she did. And check out what happened.

Mel Robbins (43:51):

Basking in just the sound of a person's voice who is fulfilled because she got serious about what she wanted her life to look like. She did that in six months, and this is something she was thinking about for 20 years. So whether you've been thinking about this flame inside you and you feel it burning bigger or bigger for 20 minutes, or like Denise, you have been pushing off your dreams, you have been on autopilot, you've been worried about what everybody's going to think, and you have been preventing yourself from turning your life in a new direction or charting a new course or picking a new destination, stop it. You only get one life. And what Denise said is right, living on autopilot, that is a life unlived and unfulfilled. You do have dreams and you do deserve to make this next leg of the journey of this thing called life as exciting and as amazing as you possibly can.

(45:15):

So pull over, assess where you are. Remember, do not stare at the rear view mirror, but focus on the windshield because you're going forward, my friend. Remind yourself that the best years of your life are on the road ahead. And then I want you to take that wheel and I want you to turn your life in an exciting new direction. Because if you're willing to do that, that means you're willing to take responsibility for your happiness. You're willing to take responsibility for where you go next. And I promise you, you will travel far beyond what you can currently see because one day, this epic road trip that we call life, it's going to be over. And if what everybody who has approached that final leg of the journey says is true, it's going to happen for you and me in the blink of an eye. So please find the courage to create a new course for your life. Find the courage to take the wheel and steer it in whatever direction your heart desires and find the courage to enjoy it. Alright? And in case nobody else tells you, I love you. I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And I guess I'll see you on the road.

(46:43):

I told you this would be a trip. Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, bye. God, please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe.