Episode: 27
Brand New Research: 8 Simple & Surprising Changes That Improve Your Life
a Solo Episode
These 8 groundbreaking studies give you simple, science-backed changes to uplevel your daily life.
Learn how to cut your gym time by 50% and still get the same benefits.
Know the surprising sound researchers say will boost your mood for 8 hours.
Understand the research on how mindfulness reduces your anxiety by 30%–the same as some anti-depressants.
Use this cutting-edge research to transform your routines, boost your mood, and simplify your life.
Listen on:
Science matters because it makes you feel smarter. It makes you feel more motivated to try the advice. It makes you feel a little less alone.
Mel Robbins
Featured Clips
Transcript
Mel Robbins (00:03):
Get ready. It is science hour. We've got brand new research, everybody.
Tracy (00:08):
So this study, when I first read it, I was a little bit floored by it. This is a floored in the,
Mel Robbins (00:13):
This is stupid or floored.
Tracy (00:15):
There's, it's a mix. Research we find stupid and I cannot believe how big of an impact and how big this study is for one second each day.
Mel Robbins (00:24):
Wait one second,
Tracy (00:26):
One second.
Mel Robbins (00:26):
Well, I think five seconds can change. So five seconds. You're taking it down. Tracy, this one thing. Hey, it's your friend Mel. And get ready. It is Science hour on the Mel Robbins podcast. I am so fired up for today's conversation. I am going to introduce you to one of my favorite people on the
Tracy (00:49):
Planet. Oh, thank you.
Mel Robbins (00:51):
That is Tracy. Tracy and I have worked together for years. She is no joke, the smartest person I know. I have a huge brain crush on her. She heads up the research that we do here on all projects that we do. Tracy has done the research on six audio productions for Audible, two self-published audiobooks, books and hardcover books. All of the courses that we have taught for folks like Starbucks, LinkedIn Creative Live, the list goes on and on and on. And Tracy and I geek out on research. We absolutely love it, right Trace?
Tracy (01:33):
Yes, definitely.
Mel Robbins (01:34):
And everything that we talk about here on the Mel Robbins podcast, we have meticulously researched. In fact, Tracy and I get in fights all the time, like mental fights. She's like, technically you can't say that. Or that science, that research study that everybody's talking about technically does not say that. And so we are meticulous and super interested in this. And so I am so excited for today's show because we are about to talk about eight things. What are we talking about? What are we, there's eight things we're talking about.
Tracy (02:09):
Yeah, definitely. So the first thing is that every single thing you always hear about in your work and Mel's podcast is always true. It's always real and you can always trust it. And so Mel wanted to talk about some of the absolute newest, most amazing habits and new studies of things that you can apply right now. And so we've been diving in all day to all the newest, most awesome research and we wanted to share it with you guys today.
Mel Robbins (02:33):
So this is also a behind the scenes because this is how we produce the show. We look at your dms, your questions, we look at what's trending. We consider what's going on in my life, your life, people's lives on the team and our extended families and friend groups. And then we dig into research. So today we've got brand new research, everybody, and we are going to introduce you to very simple behavior changes that you can institute immediately that will improve your life. All grounded by research and some of them quite shockingly weird and surprising.
Tracy (03:16):
Yes. And these are all brand new, just released amazing, legit studies. So we're super excited to share them.
Mel Robbins (03:24):
Okay. What is the first change we need to make?
Tracy (03:29):
Definitely.
Tracy (03:29):
So there was recently a huge brand new study from researchers at the University of Texas at Austin and New Chicago, all about the power of random acts of kindness. And this study is called A Little Good, goes an unexpectedly Long way, underestimating the positive impact of kindness on recipients.
Mel Robbins (03:50):
But we all know that acts of kindness are things that make us feel good, but why is this brand new research something we have to pay attention to? So in the year ahead, acts of kindness, people all day long, how come we have to pay attention to this?
Tracy (04:03):
Definitely. So what the researchers really looked into is why do we not do random acts of kindness? Because what they found is they're actually pretty uncommon. We think that, oh, we just do this. We all know what to do. We don't. Most people do not do random acts of kindness. And it's because we actually don't think it's going to matter to other people.
Mel Robbins (04:22):
Oh
Tracy (04:23):
Yeah. And what the researchers found is it does no matter how tiny, a random act of kindness makes a massive difference for someone else, and you are happier as a result of doing it.
Mel Robbins (04:35):
So that's interesting. So we know that we should be doing this, but what you're saying is that we don't do this and this is where the insight comes in.
Tracy (04:47):
Yes.
Mel Robbins (04:47):
Is that we assume it's not going to matter.
Tracy (04:50):
Exactly.
Mel Robbins (04:51):
And a random act of kindness, it's like the littlest thing. Smiling at somebody, putting your arm around somebody, waving somebody into traffic, even tipping somebody that's making your coffee and looking at them and saying, thank you. These are all small things that make a difference and we think it doesn't make a difference. And so I think that's where the learning is, at least for me.
Tracy (05:20):
Yeah, definitely.
Mel Robbins (05:20):
Is that you're not doing it. Not because you don't think it is an important thing to do. You're not doing it because you don't think it matters.
Tracy (05:26):
Yes, exactly. And the New York Times picked up this brand new study, ran a huge article on it, and there were thousands of comments of people sharing their stories, of random acts of kindness. And it's a reminder that these do matter to people.
Mel Robbins (05:39):
And here's the interesting twist about the story, and it's why Tracy was so excited to talk about this particular piece of research. The stories were not from people who were like, oh, I started to pay a forward chain. Which by the way, you know how everybody starts doing the pay it forward chains typically around the holidays where you're going to buy the coffee for the person behind you. I saw this interesting post by somebody who used to be a barista who says that is a complete nightmare for operations because it gets confusing whose drink is whose and what got paid for. And people don't know how to grab the drink. And that if you want to do something nice in a super busy coffee shop, look at the person making the coffee, tell them thank you and how much you appreciate them and give that minimum wage person a tip that is the cost of a cup of coffee that you would've bought for the stranger behind you, which I thought was really interesting. But this piece of research which really impacted me is all of the comments were not about people bragging about their acts of kindness. It was people sharing stories about how an act of kindness from a stranger or a teacher or somebody in their life change the trajectory of their life their entire life. Yeah.
(06:55):
Why don't you read that one comment that had us all just get goosebumps.
Tracy (06:59):
Yeah, definitely. So this is a comment that was within the article. The comment said, as a child, I lived in absolute poverty with an abusive parent. I had a music teacher who one day stopped me while walking down the hall and simply said, are you okay? I broke down. He took me to his office, fed me his lunch, and allowed me the space to pull myself together. He told me, you are in a bad spot, but it doesn't have to be your life. That small gesture gave me the hope to believe in myself and allowed me to start considering a future where the cycle of abuse and poverty don't exist. 30 years later, he was right and the cycles have been broken. That small moment changed my life. It changed my partner's life, and it changed my children's lives.
Mel Robbins (07:49):
I want you to take a minute and I want you to think about a moment, an act of kindness that somebody else did for you that was meaningful. And when you think about it from being on the recipient's end, from you being the one, even if it's just as simple as you were running super late for something and traffic was monstrous and a stranger waved you in with a smile. How that makes your energy shift. That's what I want you to think about when it comes to this brand new research. Please act of kindness. All of us start incorporating it into our day-to-day lives. Alright, what's next?
Tracy (08:40):
Okay, great. So this second piece of research is very exciting. As we think about the new year is coming, a lot of us want new fitness routines, but it always seems to be easier to talk about creating that new routine than actually implementing it. Okay. Especially when you're busy like you and I both are. This is a brand new study that is called Less Gym Time, same results, calm down,
Mel Robbins (09:04):
Less gym time, same results. Let's go people,
Tracy (09:08):
What do we do? Brand new big study from researchers at Edith Cowen University in Australia along with whole research teams in Japan and Brazil. Listen to this, all you need to do to build your strength is do what's called the eccentric muscle contraction. AKA, the second half of any exercise.
Mel Robbins (09:28):
Okay. I don't know what you're talking about.
Tracy (09:30):
Imagine that you were standing up to sit down in your chair or to squat.
Mel Robbins (09:34):
Okay.
Tracy (09:35):
It's simply the motion of the sitting down part, not the standing up.
Mel Robbins (09:41):
Okay. So let me see if I'm getting this straight. So you basically saying that so many of us are losing the benefit of certain things we do all day long for me plopping into a chair.
Tracy (09:53):
Yes.
Mel Robbins (09:54):
I let gravity do the work. I do not consider sitting in a chair exercise. Are you telling me that this study says that I can consciously sit in a chair differently and I will be exercising?
Tracy (10:07):
Yes. It says that one muscle contraction in this downward movement for just three seconds a day can increase muscle strength if you do it each day.
Mel Robbins (10:18):
What? Okay. So you're not even necessarily talking about how if you're doing bicep curls, how people are like, you got to slow down and not just plump the weight
Tracy (10:26):
Down. And that is true. And that in the research they did use bicep curls to say people who just did the downward and then put their weights down and then maybe they just got them back up, but it wasn't part of the motion. Yes. In exercise they're saying you can cut your routine in half by just doing the second half of each exercise, but you can apply this in your life for passive exercise.
Mel Robbins (10:48):
Okay. I'm down with passive exercise. I remember when my mom found this revolutionary way of exercising where you literally lay on a table and they strap your feet into things and they lift your legs for you. I'm like, I'm pretty sure that's not exercise, but if it works for you and it gets you there. Great. So I'm going to unpack this because there's two benefits to this passive exercise. Everybody, what was the fancy word? Eccentric. Eccentric. It's true. When I do strength training, I focus on lifting up the weight. I don't get intentional about resisting it, dropping down
Tracy (11:22):
And the lifting up doesn't seem to matter that much according to the research. Whoa. Yeah.
Mel Robbins (11:27):
Whoa. Now let's do the chair thing. So I want to try this. So I'm standing up and normally when I go to sit down, I just plop
Tracy (11:37):
Down. Yeah, you just went right into the
Mel Robbins (11:39):
Chair, right? Right
Tracy (11:40):
Now did the work.
Mel Robbins (11:40):
Yeah. And the chair took the beating.
Tracy (11:42):
Yes.
Mel Robbins (11:43):
Okay. So now I'm going to stand up and I'm going to You are slowly, slowly,
Tracy (11:49):
Slowly. Okay. This is like my cla. Slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly going down. Okay. Now my shins are engaged. Great. And now I'm holding down for one, so I don't three.
Mel Robbins (11:59):
And also this is like an AB exercise. My butt is like an inch above the chair. And this is like a squat.
Tracy (12:05):
The research is saying, if you can once per day for three seconds, slowly chair sit, you have just exercised building your muscles.
Mel Robbins (12:18):
I'm doing this
Tracy (12:19):
Could be easier than a whole weight training New Year's resolution.
Mel Robbins (12:23):
My life has just been changed by passive exercise research. Ladies and gentlemen, Tracy Genius. Thank you. So we've got acts of kindness, remembering how profound they are for somebody, even just a smile one act of kindness that I do all the time. Whenever I see somebody that has their nails done, particularly like the tips and the cool stuff and the designs, I always compliment them. And the reason why is I know that they took the time to do it. And try this compliment somebody's nails. You will see somebody light up like a Christmas tree When you compliment their nails, they feel seen. They feel acknowledged. It's a simple way to do it. Okay,
Tracy (13:11):
What do you think of my sparkly nails?
Mel Robbins (13:12):
Oh, Tracy. With the gold. You are not a nail polish person either. No,
Tracy (13:17):
I'm not.
Mel Robbins (13:18):
Well show 'em to the YouTube community. It's gold. Everybody
Tracy (13:21):
For Christmas.
Mel Robbins (13:22):
Alright, next study.
Tracy (13:24):
So this study, when I first read it, I was a little bit floored by it. Floored in
Mel Robbins (13:31):
The, this is stupid or floored
Tracy (13:33):
There a mix. There's some research, we find it, and I cannot believe how big of an impact and how big this study is for what it is. But I think this is a very simple thing that anyone can do for one second each
Mel Robbins (13:46):
Day. Wait one second,
Tracy (13:49):
One second.
Mel Robbins (13:49):
Well, I think five seconds can change. So five
Tracy (13:52):
Seconds. You're taking it down, Tracy. This one thing is going to give you an improvement in mental wellbeing for eight hours. And it works in healthy people. It works in those with depression. It works in those with all different kinds of mental health challenges. Here is the study, this was a huge study in the UK at King's College London. Huge reputable research university that was published in scientific reports.
Mel Robbins (14:17):
Can I just stop you?
Tracy (14:18):
Yeah.
Mel Robbins (14:19):
Because I'm trying to think of what this is.
Tracy (14:20):
Okay,
Mel Robbins (14:21):
One second. I don't think you're going to get it right. Second orgasm. No, no. Okay.
Tracy (14:27):
No,
Mel Robbins (14:27):
I can't think of anything else.
Tracy (14:29):
So this study took place across a four year span. They collected data of 20,000 assessments and they had global participants in this study. And do you know what they found me
Mel Robbins (14:41):
That would improve my life for eight hours after just doing this for one second? No, the study
Tracy (14:48):
Is called feeling chirpy. So in this study, what's really interesting too is you might think, okay, you're out in nature. That's the benefit. But no, they isolated. It is not about trees, it is not about plants. It is not about being by the water. It works if you listen on an app,
Mel Robbins (15:05):
Really
Tracy (15:05):
There is something about the sound of birds. You can go on YouTube, you can listen to a bird song app, you could get outside. But that deeply resonates with us even at a subconscious level for eight hours of improved mental wellbeing up to eight hours.
Mel Robbins (15:24):
That's incredible. It reminds me up here in Vermont, when my in-laws owned this house, there was a clock that used to hang in the kitchen and every single hour was the photo of a different bird. And when the clock would hit the hour, the chirping of the bird would happen. And it didn't matter how many people were in the kitchen, everybody would stop and turn toward the clock. And so on some level, this seems like one of those studies where you're like, honestly, who the hell even got this? But if they've got more than 26,000 assessments
Tracy (16:04):
Over four years,
Mel Robbins (16:05):
Over four years, there's something here. And I just wonder because I wonder if this has to do with evolution and the fact that if you think about our ancestors truly navigating and migrating and following patterns of nature and wind and stars and the migratory patterns of birds, that I wonder if there is this connection. And I agree. I love the sound of birds except for a crow. I don't like a crow, but if I hear a songbird chirping, yeah, it does cause a lift in mood. Yeah. That's incredible. Wow. So now I'm sitting down mindfully. I'm listening for birds.
Tracy (16:53):
Yeah, put it on YouTube after your episode of the Mel Robbins podcast.
Mel Robbins (16:58):
Maybe we should just play some birds, right? Let's play a bird
Tracy (17:00):
Sound.
Mel Robbins (17:00):
Okay,
Tracy (17:01):
Great.
Mel Robbins (17:01):
What else you got for us?
Tracy (17:02):
Well, now that we're so grounded after our bird sound, there is a huge brand new just published study from Georgetown Medical Center published in the JAMA Psychiatry Journal, which is a really big prestigious journal. So this research is legit.
Mel Robbins (17:18):
My dad used to get that, the journal, I think it's of American Medical Association
Tracy (17:23):
Probably. I
Mel Robbins (17:23):
Can't believe
Tracy (17:24):
I remember that. So this is legit. They compared in people who have anxiety taking Lexapro versus doing mindfulness based stress reduction, which often looks like a body scan or gratitude
Mel Robbins (17:39):
Journaling. Now by body scan, you don't mean climbing into an MRI.
Tracy (17:43):
No. I mean,
Mel Robbins (17:44):
How is my body feeling right now? So a lot of times yoga, they'll use this relaxation technique in a class where you're like scrunch up your feet, relax 'em, scrunch your ankles, relax 'em like flex your quads, relax sort of a way to kind of body scan. So that's one example. What's another example? They used gratitude journaling. Really?
Tracy (18:08):
Yes. That's a powerful example of mindfulness based stress reduction.
Mel Robbins (18:13):
So they studied Lexapro
Tracy (18:16):
And
Mel Robbins (18:16):
Then they also studied these mindfulness techniques that bring you into your body and into the moment.
Tracy (18:22):
Yes. And there are a number of them, but those are just two to highlight is the gratitude journaling. And what they found is the drop in anxiety was equal between Lexapro and just doing these deliberate mindfulness based stress reduction practices like a gratitude journal.
Mel Robbins (18:40):
Wow. I think I have a hunch for why that might be. Well, because as somebody who has dealt with and felt anxiety for almost my entire life, I mean I have it under control now and I profoundly understand it, so I'm annoyed by it, but I'm not scared by it anymore. What's interesting is that anxiety, as we know is an alarm and anxiety is signaling that something's up and you need some reassurance and anxiety also typically takes you immediately into the future that something bad's about to happen. If you're directing your mind to pick up a pen and to start writing what you're grateful for, you are activating a part of your mind that's different from the part of the mind that takes over when you're anxious. And so it's a way for you to almost like shortcut in your own mind this skill of pulling yourself into the present moment. And if you are having a panic attack or you're anxious, you're not in the present moment.
Tracy (19:49):
Exactly.
Mel Robbins (19:50):
And so this makes a lot of sense.
Tracy (19:52):
Yeah, definitely. And the research still emphasizes that there's a need for medication and for practices, but in conjunction can have a really, really powerful effect, especially in how your brain actually changes what areas are active.
Mel Robbins (20:07):
Well, and the other thing that I've found personally and that we know based on the research is that the more that you practice these strategies, whether it's doing a body scan of your own body in the moment, whether it's gratitude journaling, whether it's certain forms of breathing, whether it is redirecting your thoughts, the other exercise we talk about a lot is the five senses. Where in a moment where you feel anxious, you say, well, what can I smell right now? What do I see in front of me? And by describing those five senses, again you are interrupting that part of the brain from taking over signaled by the alarm and you pull yourself into the present. That makes a lot of sense to me.
Tracy (20:50):
Yeah, definitely.
Mel Robbins (20:51):
Awesome. But I love knowing, why do I love knowing that researchers at Yale have confirmed that because a lot of this is common sense,
Tracy (20:59):
Not the word. A lot of it is common sense, but I think there's something about knowing your time spent in your gratitude journal is worth it.
Mel Robbins (21:06):
That it matters.
Tracy (21:07):
It matters.
Mel Robbins (21:09):
It really does.
Tracy (21:09):
Yeah.
Mel Robbins (21:10):
Alright, what else you got for us? This is really cool.
Tracy (21:12):
Great. So we've done the act of kindness. You've sat in your chair very, very, very, very slowly. You have listened to your bird sound. Now we have written down what gratitude have gratitude about...
Tracy (21:23):
This next one is super interesting and it is about willpower. So a big study from UPenn and Michigan looked at 20,000 high schoolers as they studied for and took the SAT exam. What they found taking into account socioeconomic status, all of their prior achievements throughout high school even What matters the most for their study plan and their scores is if they didn't rely on willpower and set themselves up with strategies to better be able to study.
Mel Robbins (21:58):
So you're saying if the students didn't do what I did or didn't do, what I see my kids doing, which is basically you got the laptop open, you got the phone on, you got piles of books all around you, and you're just going to try to plow through it. If instead you get deliberate about chunking it out, putting the phone to the side,
Tracy (22:21):
Having
Mel Robbins (22:21):
Deliberate blocks of time to study that you're going to do better on the test.
Tracy (22:25):
Yeah. Why in particular the ones they mentioned was disabling your cell phone.
Mel Robbins (22:29):
Okay. So turn the phone off if you're serious about performing better. Yes. You got to turn the phone off when you're preparing. Okay. That's number one. Setting up a distraction free place to get your work done. Setting up a distraction free place. I'm starting to smile trace because yesterday Tracy and I were going over the final draft to our newsletter that goes out twice a week. It's amazing. Just go to mel robins.com to sign up for it. And Tracy was trying to get me to focus.
Tracy (23:03):
Mel was doing some online shopping while writing the newsletter to you guys two tabs open.
Mel Robbins (23:10):
And so Tracy was so awesome without skipping a beat, you didn't even look at me. You just reached your hand over and shut the laptop and then shoved it away from me. I did. You did what the study is telling me. And do you know how quickly we wrapped up the final
Tracy (23:26):
11? Yeah, we focused right in and an awesome newsletter went out.
Mel Robbins (23:29):
Totally.
Tracy (23:30):
Yeah. And then the other strategy as well, in addition to distraction free and disabling your cell phone is creating a schedule to study.
Mel Robbins (23:38):
So take a look at the week if you've got a big project or you got something and schedule in blocks of time where you're going to go to that distraction free thing and you're going to turn off your cell phone. And that, if you were to do that, did they find anything about how it also took less time or just that you were more effective, whatever time you put in? More
Tracy (23:57):
Effective. Yes. And one thing they found that did not work was when people said that they willed themselves to study willpower did not lead to results because willpower fades. We can't rely on willpower. And while this is about the SAT, you could probably generalize these results for anything where high performance or studying or preparation is needed.
Mel Robbins (24:21):
So are you suggesting that sitting on the couch with Netflix on and my laptop open? Yes. Is not a good way to research podcast episodes?
Tracy (24:32):
Probably depending on how long you want it to take. If you want to study more efficiently, faster, and just perform better, yeah, put your phone on, do not disturb, go into your other room, shut the laptop, shut the laptop, and also look at your calendar in the morning and say, what am I going to get done today? Awesome. Simple strategies lead to a huge result.
Mel Robbins (24:50):
And again, I think that these are the things that in the back of your mind we kind of go, duh. But having these validated studies, 20,000 high school students, why wouldn't you do this unless you just want to shoot yourself in the foot and make life harder?
Tracy (25:07):
Yeah.
Mel Robbins (25:08):
Okay. Cool. What else you got?
Tracy (25:09):
Great. So now we have number six. This is a really interesting study that once you hear it, you're going to resonate with this in your own life. And it's about smell and food. Recalling a memory instantly when you smell something that brings you back to an old time and place.
Mel Robbins (25:27):
Okay,
Tracy (25:28):
So this is a study out of Lancaster University in the UK brand new study where they actually asked older people who at this point in their life, maybe they're not having as many exciting new experiences for a really amazing memory of their past. And they created something for them to smell and taste that took them back to a big moment. They actually 3D printed these tastes and smells on a little Listerine strip type thing. So crazy research
Mel Robbins (25:54):
What like the taste of your favorite ice cream treat from a vendor. I'm
Tracy (26:00):
About your wedding. The one couple, it was the food at their wedding, they were able to taste it or someone who had a curry tasting one, they took them back to that memory strawberries from a day when they were young. And instantly people were vividly transported back to this memory instantly. And the researchers say this is a very powerful implication for creating happiness hacks. If you knew that in the past you had the best vacation, the best memory, you can instantly access that deep memory by smelling that smell, having that food.
Mel Robbins (26:35):
That makes a lot of sense. My wheels are spinning thinking about my friend Pete Chien, who made me a cup of tea once. And he was very particular about how he made it because he said only his mother has ever been able to make tea that tastes as good as this certain way. And what I bet is, I bet it brings him back to his childhood. Now what's interesting about this, because this research that you're talking about in terms of how taste and smell Q's memory, this is specifically applied to very positive
Tracy (27:16):
Memories. Very positive, yes.
Mel Robbins (27:17):
And it's really kind of cool when you stop and think about the fact that you can, as you said, hack happiness by bringing very positive memories. I remember a really interesting story that has always stuck with me because we know that this is true based on trauma research, that smell in particular can trigger a trauma response. And I believe it was in the book about trauma that was written by a PhD medical doctor talking about how trauma can immediately bring you back to that just terrible thing that happened. And so the researcher or the psychiatrist was talking about how he was treating a high school student who had had severe abuse and all of a sudden this kid had gone from being a really great student and doing well in class to almost flunking out of this math class and being really disruptive in this math class. And it was very uncharacteristic of this kid to act this way, particularly in the math class. And so the therapist leaned in to try to figure out what the heck was going on and what he discovered was this, that the math teacher had recently switched his cologne
(28:41):
And he was wearing cologne that was the same cologne that this kid's abuser had worn. And so just the math teacher coming up behind him and the smell of that would trigger all of the trauma, which of course made him agitated and untrusting and not able to pay attention. The therapist got the math teacher to stop wearing the cologne issue gone. And so we know based on research that this is true around trauma and negative experiences. I think it's really, really encouraging to hear that smell conjuress up positive experiences. In fact, I'm thinking about the fact that my grandmother used to wear a particular perfume. My father used to wear a particular cologne and whenever I smell it or smell traces of it, I immediately remember them. Oh, this is so cool. You have a friend that did this with her wedding?
Tracy (29:41):
Yeah, definitely
Mel Robbins (29:41):
Intentionally. What happened?
Tracy (29:42):
Yeah. So I'm going to be getting married this year and I was talking to someone who just recently had their wedding and I asked if she had any advice for me and she said something that I have never heard before. She said, figure out what your smell is going to be at the altar of your wedding ceremony because that is a smell that for the rest of your life can transport you back to that moment. She said she picked out a very specific flower,
(30:09):
One of her favorites with her favorite smell and did a massive arrangement right where she was going to be standing at the altar during her wedding ceremony. And she even sprayed something, a smell there, so that she said, for the rest of her life she can instantly transport into that memory. And she said to me, I highly recommend more than anything else that you do that. And even not just for weddings, for any big moment of your life where you know that you're going to want to look back at this forever, create a signature scent, know what your smell is going to be, and you will go back to that forever.
Mel Robbins (30:47):
Speaking of smell, my cat noodle just walked in.
Tracy (30:53):
Noodle has been giving his signature scent to all of your rugs
Mel Robbins (30:55):
Lately. Yes. He's been really naughty. We've got this new puppy as you may know. And so he has got a signature scent that he sprays around. Alright, that's interesting because you think about marking rituals with a certain cake or a certain this or a champagne, but getting intentional around the type of flower or the perfume that you wear or those sorts of things, that's super cool.
Tracy (31:23):
Yeah, definitely. And you can apply that right now about things going forward or about any positive memory that you want to remember.
Mel Robbins (31:30):
Okay, cool. What else?
Tracy (31:31):
Okay, great. So we're getting near the end of these new studies. This one I thought was so much fun. It's a study from Indiana University, the University of Connecticut and Duke. And here's what it's about. It's about those mundane secrets that we hide from the closest people in our life. And that means, here's what the researchers define mundane secrets as hiding small online purchases, foods that you don't want your partner or friends to know that you eat or things like watching a TV show ahead of your partner when you guys are doing it together and they don't know that you're sneaking ahead
Mel Robbins (32:07):
And then you sit there and pretend that you haven't. When you watch the episode,
Tracy (32:10):
The
Mel Robbins (32:11):
Researchers, I can't do that. I can sneak ahead, but when the episode comes on, I can no longer sit there and pretend that I haven't seen it. That's the part where the gig is up for me.
Tracy (32:20):
So the researchers found that 90% of people have recently kept one of these everyday consumer behaviors, a secret from a very close person in their life, a friend or their partner, and they report, you know what? My partner probably wouldn't care if they knew I watched ahead or I snuck a piece of cake. But they keep it a secret. 90% of us have these tiny little guilty secrets.
Mel Robbins (32:43):
Now is this something we should do? Because everything that you've recommended so far is additive. So yes, I am guilty of watching a show ahead and not telling Chris, but I always confess when we're sitting there. But they also did Go ahead. Well, what's interesting
Tracy (33:01):
Is they actually found this is not a bad thing. It is okay to have your little guilty pleasures. You can hide little things from your partner. This is not about being dishonest. Listen to this tiny feelings of guilt, which don't hurt anybody, actually drives you to want to be better to your partner.
Mel Robbins (33:21):
Well that makes sense because guilt has two forms. Destructive, which is the guilt that you use against yourself where you just beat yourself up and make yourself feel bad. And then the guilt that is really productive because it motivates you to want to do better. And so are you saying that if, let's say, I'm trying to think of an example.
Tracy (33:44):
I can give you an example that the study researchers found very common.
(33:47):
What they found common is usually both partners do the same secret behavior and they hide it from the other. And a very common one is around diet. Both partners are vegetarians when they're together and they secretly eat meat, not together what they said. This little secret might propel both partners to try to show up in a bigger way because they feel bad about this when they're both doing it. Most of the time. Watching a show ahead, Chris might be doing the same thing. It's very common that both people do this and kind of propels you guys to show up and invest more and maybe it's not the worst thing in the world.
Mel Robbins (34:30):
Wow. Okay. So what's the takeaway? Don't feel guilty.
Tracy (34:34):
The first takeaway is if you like 90% of people have made an impulsive online purchase that your partner doesn't know about or you snuck a piece of cake or you're watching ahead on the TV show. First off, don't beat yourself up about it because the research shows they are probably doing it too. Your partner's probably doing this.
Mel Robbins (34:56):
That is killer. So don't feel bad about that Amazon box showing up and you quickly sneaking it into the back of your closet so that nobody knows that you yet again ordered another pair of pants.
Tracy (35:09):
Yes. And this is not about betrayal, this is not about shopping addiction. This is about, they're calling it mundane things, things that do not affect your partner. It does not affect your partner that you went and had the extra piece of cake or that you went and ordered another t-shirt for
Mel Robbins (35:25):
Yourself or ate the gluten amazing bread at the dinner with your friends, but came home and ate the cardboard bread that was there.
Tracy (35:33):
And I think also as we go into the new year, a lot of people might do challenges. Others, I know you've talked about taking on a big fitness challenge with Chris and there might be times when you slip up and don't want to say, and that is okay, is what the researchers are saying. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone, it could be okay.
Mel Robbins (35:51):
It sounds like it's more than Okay. It sounds like it amplifies your, you wanting to show up. This is so cool. So, so far we've covered seven things. How important it is to add random acts of kindness, even just smiling at people, complimenting their nails, telling people that you appreciate them. Here's another one. If I ever see somebody cleaning a public bathroom, I always stop and look in the eye and say, thank you so much for taking care of us. That's great. And most people are floored. I love passive exercise.
Tracy (36:26):
Sit down slowly
Mel Robbins (36:28):
In that chair. Once per day. Remember everybody we can once per day. Literally, I'm doing it now. It's a squat. That's what it is. You are going to get an inch above the chair and hold it for three seconds. That's a legit squat is what I'm doing. My quads are fully engaged. Okay, sit down. Sit down. Now you can hear my voice shift. I'm not efforting
Tracy (36:48):
Anymore. That is backed by researchers from Australia, Japan, and Brazil. Just sit down slowly in your chair once a day.
Mel Robbins (36:56):
Yeah, don't lift the weights everybody. Slowly lower them and you will be ripped. Birds. Birds are something we're going to add in. Who knew? I love this.
Tracy (37:06):
Listen to a bird sound for up to eight hours of just a better day.
Mel Robbins (37:12):
Well, you're not saying listen to birds for eight hours. No, you're saying if you just listened to birds chirping for a second or two,
Tracy (37:20):
Eight hours of benefits. What? Okay. And then the fourth one is the mindfulness practice. That's study out of Georgetown around bringing in some mindfulness into your day. Like a gratitude journal can cause as much reduction in anxiety as taking an antidepressant.
Mel Robbins (37:41):
We just did this episode right before this
Tracy (37:44):
One. Yeah, last
Mel Robbins (37:45):
Week. Oh, on Monday.
Tracy (37:47):
Last Monday.
Mel Robbins (37:48):
Oh, a week ago we did this episode about doing nothing.
Tracy (37:52):
And
Mel Robbins (37:52):
In it I recommended that we set an alarm in our smartphones for two 13 with a little note that says Stop, take a breath, do nothing. I even had a little song that I play when it happens. And that's an act of mindfulness. And one other thing that comes to mind, I know in Tim Ferriss's big book Tools of Titans, he crunched the data on 250 interviews that he had done with billionaires and world changers. And every single one of them had one habit that they all shared, right? And it was a mindfulness practice. So I know you know this, but when you start to understand how compelling the research is, not only about how it changes the neural pathways in your brain makes you a more positive and calm person, but to also know that in research studies it has the same effect of dropping anxiety by 30% as prescription medication. That's worth paying attention to.
Tracy (38:56):
Yeah, definitely. Definitely. And then our study number five was do not rely on willpower for success, for accomplishment, and for getting important work done. Go on, do not disturb. Help someone have you stay accountable. Go into a quiet room just like those students who succeed on the SATs did
Mel Robbins (39:17):
Awesome schedule in success. Don't just muscle through it. What else we get? Oh, smell. I like this one. Think about putting more positive smell associations into your life, whether it's bringing positive memories to mind or it is creating positive experiences by getting intentional about the smell. I love this.
Tracy (39:42):
Yeah, definitely. And then we had our one sneaky TV show watching Sneaky Meat eating.
Mel Robbins (39:51):
So just giggle about it, stop making yourself feel bad.
Tracy (39:53):
Stop making yourself bad because everyone else is doing it too.
Mel Robbins (39:56):
And there's one final change.
Tracy (40:00):
So this piece of research is something that researchers actually show is the easiest habit to make, the largest impact in your life. And what is it?
Mel Robbins (40:11):
You can tell 'em what it is.
Tracy (40:12):
It's being kind to yourself.
Mel Robbins (40:14):
This is so profound that I want to dedicate the next episode to just the research on how to be kinder to yourself. Because this recent study I know, and the irony is of all the things that you could change in the coming year, the research is conclusive. That learning how to be kind to yourself as a daily practice has the single biggest impact on your happiness, on your meaning, on your sense of purpose. And the sad thing is it is the one we practice the least.
(40:56):
And this is so important that the very next episode that we drop in the Mel Robbins podcast is going to go deep on the topic of being kinder to yourself, how to make it a habit, why it matters. And we are also going to do a bonus episode with it where we're going to take people's questions about it because yes, let's squat down on the chair. Let's listen to the birds. Let's structure our study time. Let's get the smells going people. Let's be mindful. What were the other one? What was the first one we did? See, I've already forgotten.
Tracy (41:32):
The first one we did is around the random act
Mel Robbins (41:34):
Of kindness. Oh, kindness. Amped up the kindness. Let's go. And kindness towards self is the biggest thing you should do, which is why we're going to talk about it in the next episode. Tracy, you are a ma. Balls. Thank you
Tracy (41:49):
For having me on,
Mel Robbins (41:50):
Mel, having you on. You are the brains behind this operation. We are going to have you on more. We of course are going to put together copious show notes. We're going to link to every single study. What's the one you're most excited to do?
Tracy (42:03):
I think the study I'm most excited about is the bird chirping because I never listened to the birds, honestly. And if I'd known it was that important, I would. So now I'm going to,
Mel Robbins (42:14):
I think I need to change my ringer, then I'll be happy every
Tracy (42:17):
Time the phone rings. I think that I should change my morning alarm to be a bird chirping sound to set myself up for eight amazing hours the rest of the day.
Mel Robbins (42:25):
You are so awesome. I love you because you're so positive, you're so smart. You make me smarter. You make all of us smarter. So I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you for how much you put into all of the research that you do. Your intellectual rigor and curiosity is something I deeply admire.
Tracy (42:43):
Thanks Mel.
Mel Robbins (42:44):
And it makes the impact of what we're doing. Just awesome.
Tracy (42:48):
Oh, thank you. And thank you so much to everyone listening because we do all this work to find these studies in every episode of this podcast, to make your life better and give you things that you can actually apply in your life that actually work. That's right.
Mel Robbins (43:02):
Well, in case nobody else tells you, I'm going to tell you that I love you. I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to take every single one of these things. Let's do some passive exercise. How about that? I'm down. Let's listen to the birds. Let's be kind to people. And when I talk to you in the next episode, we're going to be talking about how to be kind to yourself because that is how you improve the most important relationship you have in life. And that's the one with you. Alright, I love you. Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, bye. God, please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe.
Resources
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- For Closed Captions: Watch on YouTube and turn on “CC.” For instructions to turn on closed captions, click here.
- The High 5 Habit book
- Study #1: University of Texas at Austin and University of Chicago: “A little good goes an unexpectedly long way: Underestimating the positive impact of kindness on recipients.”
- New York Times: The Unexpected Power of Random Acts of Kindness
- The Mel Robbins Podcast with Dr. Daniel Amen: “Hacking Dopamine”
- Berkeley Greater Good Research Center: “If You Want to Be Happy, Try to Make Someone Else Happy”
- Study #2: Edith Cowan University, More Gym Time, Less Results: “Comparison between concentric-only, eccentric-only, and concentric–eccentric resistance training of the elbow flexors for their effects on muscle strength and hypertrophy”
- The New York Times: “What’s the Single Best Exercise?”
- Harvard University: “Evidence mounts on the benefits of strength training”
- Study #3: University College London, Feeling Chirpy: “Smartphone-based ecological momentary assessment reveals mental health benefits of birdlife”
- Kaiyan Medical: “Back to Nature: The Healing Power of Bird Sounds”
- Audobon: “Around the World, the Soothing Sounds of Birdsong Are Used as Therapy”
- Yale University: “How brains benefit from meditation”
- Jon Kabat-Zinn website: lots of research and resources on Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
- Free MBSR online course
- Yale University: Free MBSR resources
- Study #5: University of Pennsylvania and University of Michigan: “Self-control and SAT outcomes: Evidence from two national field studies”
- Harvard Business Review: “The Cost of Continuously Checking Email”
- The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
- Harvard University: “What the nose knows”
- Study #7: Indiana University, University of Connecticut, and Duke University: “Secret consumer behaviors in close relationships”
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