Episode: 150
How To Achieve Your Most Ambitious Goals
a Solo Episode
This is the coaching you need that will change the way you think about success.
Whether you want to make more money, get in the best shape of your life, find the one, launch an incredible business, or see your name on the cover of a book that you publish…
This is the coaching and the tools you need to take the next right step.
Listen on:
If you were to just roll the clock ahead a year, three years, five years, seven years, 15 years, what is it that you really want?
Mel Robbins
Featured Clips
Transcript
Mel Robbins (00:00):
Ambition is amazing. And in order to achieve what you want to achieve, you want to know the most challenging part. It's not giving up. If you already have this seed of an idea to plant out into the world, and yet you have all this doubt and trust, trust that because you have the idea, it is already in you and you are meant to plant it into the world so that it can bloom. People who achieve their massive ambitions, they don't quit. And after today, neither will you. Hey, it's Mel. I'm so glad you're here. We're talking about ambition, not only ambition, but how to achieve your biggest ambition. And don't you dare tell me you do not have ambition. That is why you're listening right now, and this is what I want to focus on in order to achieve what you want to achieve. You want to know the most challenging part.
(00:56):
It's not giving up because the bigger the ambition, the longer it's going to take. I don't care whether you want to make more money or you're looking for the one or you're trying to get in the best shape of your life or launch an incredible business or see your name on the cover of a book that you publish. It is so easy when your ambition is huge to want to give up, but not today. Not today and not you. Because today you are going to learn that yes, you can achieve your ambitious goal. Today I'm going to teach you a metaphor. It's something that I love. You're going to come back to it over and over and over because it's going to help you keep going and not quit on those ambitions, especially when you want to. Hey, it's Mel, and today I am going to share this killer metaphor with you because you have huge ambitions.
(01:49):
I know that you have huge ambitions, and I want to make sure that you never give up on ongoing form. And that's why I am in such a fired up mood today and so fired up. I actually forgot to introduce myself and welcome you to the show. I'm Mel, welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast family. Whether you're listening for yourself or you're listening because somebody sent this to you and they wanted you to get the information that you need to achieve your biggest ambitions, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, and thank you for making the Mel Robbins Podcast, one of the most popular podcasts in the entire world. And before I jump in to how you can achieve your biggest ambition, I want to acknowledge you for something. You could be listening or watching a million things right now, but you picked this why? Because you want to create a better life and you do want to achieve those big ambitions of yours.
(02:44):
You want to see them happen. And I think that's amazingly cool, and today is going to help you do that because today I am going to teach you a metaphor that will keep you from quitting. It'll keep you from giving up, it'll keep you from feeling discouraged as you're trying to not only make your life better, but you are chasing down those ambitions of yours. We're going to focus on how you navigate that period of time where you got your head down, you're putting in the work, but the payoff, it's just not happening. And if somebody that you love has a big dream and you're starting to feel a little worried because they seem a little discouraged, please send them this episode because it'll give them the jolt of inspiration that they need to keep going. And that's the difference between the people that make it and the people that achieve their biggest ambitions and those people who don't, people who achieve their massive ambitions, they don't quit.
Mel Robbins (03:46):
And after today, neither will you. So let's jump into this. I was inspired to talk to you about this because I was having a conversation with one of our daughters. Her name is Kendall, and if you're new to the Mel Robbins podcast, my husband and I, we have three kids, and our middle daughter, Kendall is 23, and she's a singer songwriter. And so we were chatting the other day and she was super excited because the singer Victoria Monet, she's an r and b singer, had just won three Grammys, and Kendall was so fired up and I'm like, I don't know a lot about her. Tell me a little bit about her. Why are you so fired up about her? Kendall was like, oh, check this out. So Mom Victoria has spent 15 years writing songs with other people and four other people, you've probably heard of some of the people she's worked with, Ariana Grande, Kendrick Lamar, Selena Gomez, Doja Cat, Brandy, fifth Harmony.
(04:38):
I mean, that is an insane list of writing credits. So clearly Victoria Monet very successful. But here's the thing, that wasn't her biggest ambition. You want to know what her big ambition was? It was to write and perform songs of her own and to be recognized as the artist that was singing them. She has been waiting for 15 years to be the one up on that stage at the Grammys. And just a few weeks ago, that major ambition of winning a Grammy and being recognized as an artist, it happened because she was named the best new artist of the year, the best album for r and b and the best engineered album. And by the time you are listening to me right now, she will have also won the Billboard Women in Music Rising Star Award. Now, the reason why this is relevant to you and to the topic of ambition today is because Victoria Monet stood up on that stage at the Grammys and accepted the best artist award.
(05:42):
She gave a speech about what it took to spend 15 years in the dark, not being recognized, trying, working, chipping away at that ambition. And our daughter, Kendall was so inspired by Victoria Monique's speech. She was like, mom, you have got to listen to this acceptance speech. So I did. And after I heard it, I was like, I have to share this with you. We have got to talk about this. So let me just set the stage a little bit before I play the clip. Victoria has just been announced as winning Grammy for the best new artist, okay? She's making her way up to the stage. She gets up to the microphone, they hand her the Grammy, she's wiping away those tears, and then she looks directly at that camera and she has something to say to you.
(06:40):
I just want to say to everybody who has a dream, look at this as an example. This award was a 15 year pursuit. I moved to LA in 2009, and I like to liken myself to a plant who was planted, and I really want to laser focus in on that last part about how she kept herself going day after day, year after year for 15 years waiting, just waiting for it to be her turn. She said, I like to liken myself to a plant who was planted. I love that framework. I want to dive into and unpack the thing that she shared, this idea of likening yourself to a plant that has been planted. But first, before we unpack this metaphor, I want to ask you to pause and think, what is your Grammy moment? I'm serious about this. If you were to just roll the clock ahead a year, three years, five years, seven years, 15 years, what is it that you really want?
(08:02):
And I want you to go really big. That's why I'm calling it a Grammy moment. I mean, a Grammy moment is a big moment. So allow yourself to just open up and visualize something big that you see. Is it making a certain amount of money, more money than you ever thought you would make? Is it a beach house that you want to buy or a house in the mountains that you want to build? Or maybe you're an artist. Do you want to go on tour or make a living selling your art? Or how about your YouTube channel? Is your Grammy moment hitting a million subscribers? Maybe you are so inspired by Studio McGee and Magnolia and you would love to have an interior design business and launch products, and that's your Grammy moment. Or maybe you see yourself selling your business at some point in the future.
(08:58):
The fact is, there is something big inside of you, even if your life may feel small right now. And if you're sitting here and you're trying to imagine a Grammy moment and you're like, but I don't know what I want, but I don't know what I want. If you can't envision the Grammy moment, let's go smaller. Let's go smaller. Because there is an idea that is nagging at you and maybe it doesn't feel very big, and that's why you keep ignoring it. Maybe you've been thinking, I should pick up my paintbrushes again. I should start walking every day after breakfast Again, that seed of an idea that you're ignoring that can be big enough. The whole point of this is to stop questioning and to put yourself into a position to start growing again.
Mel Robbins (09:49):
You spend too much time debating, should I be a tulip? Should I be a daisy? Should I be an oak tree? Should I be an apple tree? Should I be an asparagus stop? I want you to consider something radical. You don't need to know what you're going to become. Trust that. So whatever that idea is, no matter how small it may be, whether it's picking up the paintbrushes, whether it's going back to school, whether it's simply spending more time with the people that you love, lean into that and that alone will help you start to grow into a better version of yourself. And so I want you to take a moment and just envision what that beautiful, amazing thing is. And I can share mine, it's probably going to surprise you, but when I close my eyes, I don't imagine something in the media or the podcast space. My moment, a moment that's as big as a Grammy moment is something that I really want to do. I know it's going to take a lot of work, and I've never done anything like this before. I want to do something in the women's health and supplement space. I mean it.
(11:10):
I've no idea where that's coming from, but I just can't deny that this idea is inside of me. And I've probably been thinking about this now for, I don't know, three or four years. And I think the reason why I really want to do this something in the women's health and supplement space is because I have become very focused on optimizing my own health. And the more I learn about my health, the more it seems like every single woman I know is completely confused about hormone balance and what supplements to take. And it is so overwhelming. And every company that I discover that is targeting women's health, it's typically been launched and run by a bunch of dudes. And so I just see a huge opportunity to create something that really empowers women with a solution that is led by other women. I know you did not expect that from Mel Robbins, did you? Well, it's my Grammy moment. It is not your Grammy moment. And this has been inside of me. I can feel it. And this is the first time I am publicly saying it. You haven't heard me say this before. Now it's your turn, stop and think what's something really big that you would love to see yourself accomplish?
(12:40):
That right there, that's your Grammy moment. And I want you to keep that vision in mind as I talk about this metaphor of a plant because we're going to unpack Victoria's metaphor so that you understand all the components of it and you can use it to help you. It's not only going to help you get started, but this metaphor is going to keep you going when you feel jealous or unlucky or frustrated, that success has not come your way or you feel discouraged because you have no idea how to launch a supplement company. And I can't wait to dig into this with you because Victoria Monet's Grammy speech offers you guidance on how to navigate this period between having a vision and actually bringing it to light. So here's the metaphor. I like to liken myself to a plant, and I want you to liken yourself to a plan because this metaphor is going to immediately stop you from questioning whether or not this Grammy moment of yours is even possible.
(13:47):
And there are four reasons why I want you to use this metaphor. Number one, every plant starts as a teeny, teeny little seed. But here's the thing about a little seed, which is what you are when you just have a seed of an idea.
Mel Robbins (14:07):
The thing about a seed that's so cool is absolutely everything that is required of the plant to grow from that teeny tiny little seed into something huge and extraordinary. It is contained inside the seed. And that's why it is so important that you take a moment with me and you acknowledge this seed of a wish or a dream or an idea that you have within you because that's all that's required. The seed is the beginning of something extraordinary, and you already have that within you because if you can a vision that Grammy moment of yours in the future, that's evidence of that seed of an idea.
(14:51):
And that's why you need to use this metaphor of a plant that's been planted any single time that you start to doubt this idea. Like I've doubted this idea. What are you doing thinking about a supplement that is a duck stop? No, Mel, no. Let that seed take root. I mean, think about an acorn. Do you know how little that thing is? It's like this tiny thing in the palm of your hand and that sucker over time can explode into a mighty oak. Why? Because all of that intelligence for the acorn to grow into an oak is already inside the acorn. It knows what to do. The same thing is true for a tulip bulb. A single bulb has everything inside of it in order to explode into a gorgeous tulip in the spring. So do you stop doubting yourself and recognize that if you already have this seed of an idea to plant out into the world, it is in you and it's been sitting there waiting to bloom in all of its unique, beautiful glory.
(16:04):
If you have a dream of opening up a restaurant or you want to become a wildly successful influencer, and yet you have all this doubt and trust, trust that because you have the idea, it is already in you and you are meant to plant it into the world so that it can bloom. The universe wouldn't give you that idea if it didn't want you to do something with it. And I'm here to tell you to stop questioning it and trust it. And the second reason why this plant metaphor is so powerful is because that seed and a plant, it's designed to grow and so are you are designed to grow from the moment that you are born and you do not stop growing until the day that you die. And once you actually realize that there is this seed of an idea, it is going to haunt you if you do not grow toward it.
(16:59):
And I need you to wrap your mind around the fact that you exist right now because your job is to take this idea and plant it into the world and do what it takes to see it grow. And one of the reasons why you may feel stagnant right now or lost is because you are not taking action on that idea. And here's another example of how plants are designed to grow and that you need to do this. You need to grow. This is the answer that you've been looking for. Have you ever noticed that plants grow toward the light? They can't help themselves. They are designed this way. For example, if you stick tulips in a vase like the tulips behind me here on YouTube, you can't see 'em if you're listening to me, but they're gorgeous. They're these bright orange tulips, four of 'em sitting in a glass face.
(17:53):
If I were to stick that glass face right on the countertop, within 24 hours, they will be pointed toward the window looking for the sun trying to grow. It's called phototropism for you. It's called action. You must move toward the light. You must take action every single day. Ask yourself, what is one thing I can do to move toward the light of this idea? Now, the third reason why I love this metaphor of likening yourself to a plant is because the undeniable truth about a plant, you cannot force a plant to bloom before it's ready. Every single gardener knows this. If you want to have peas in the middle of the summer to eat, you got to sow those peas into the ground by St. Patrick's Day. Pumpkin seeds, they got to be in the ground right after Mother's Day if you plan to have them ready for Halloween.
Mel Robbins (18:58):
And no one plants a zucchini on a Monday and expects to be eating it for dinner on a Friday. Why? Because for something to grow, it takes time. And you are too impatient. You are so focused on where everything is leading that you are skipping the most important part, getting started and giving yourself time to grow. See, it's the struggle and the buildup and the journey and the tears and the time and the experience and all the ups and downs. That is the most important part of growth. You know that, but you're not doing it. It's the part where you are sowing the seeds and watering the soil and day in and day out, taking care of what needs to be taken care of and putting in the work. That is where the foundation lies. If I take you back to our little acorn and you plant it in the soil and you put it in the sun and you water it every day, it takes almost six weeks for anything to sprout six weeks, and you are giving up before the time that is required.
(20:04):
See, it's in this time where you don't see anything happening. That's when the roots are taking shape. That is where the success is being built. And there is no skipping this part because anything that's worth doing takes time. It takes time to strengthen the vine, to fortify the stem, to get the roots tough and sturdy so that they can support the beauty that happens above ground a long time from now. And that's your problem. You're so obsessed with what it's going to look like in the final product and the big Grammy moment that you are either quitting too soon or you're not even getting started. And honestly, I think part of your problem is social media. Think about TikTok and Instagram. It is constantly shoved in your face. Here's the final product, here's the overnight success story. Every other count these days seems to be some influencer telling you how to make a million dollars in less than a week or a two week program to get six pack abs.
(21:02):
It's so in your face that it is easy to overlook the truth. And the truth is even the stuff that's being marketed to you, these makeup tutorials, the new journal businesses, the clothing lines that everybody's launching like that, it took two or three years of working for somebody to get to the point where they could make one post and market that to you.
Mel Robbins (21:27):
It didn't happen overnight. They just want you to think it did so that you buy it. But the problem is now you're thinking about life in that regard. You're thinking that things should be going faster and moving along faster, and it should be your term now, and you're so focused on the end of the game or becoming an overnight success that you stop trusting that your Grammy moment is coming someday. And this is so important because the work that you actually need to do, it requires patience.
(22:03):
It takes time because it's in the time and the patience that you build the confidence. So keep reminding yourself that you are a plant that has been planted, but now I know. And you know why this metaphor is so important. Number one, whatever your genius geniuses, it's already in you. Trust it. Number two, plants are designed to grow and so are you. So move toward the light and take action to grow. And number three, you can't force a plant to sprout too quickly. Be patient. And this feels like a really good time for us to take a moment and hear a word from our sponsors. They are essential to the Mel Robbins podcast growing and being here for you. And when we return, we're going to dig into the most critical factor in a plant's ability to grow. And it's a critical factor in your growth too, and it's the environment.
(23:05):
So stay with us. Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins, and you and I are unpacking this metaphor that Victoria Monet shared at the Grammys as she was accepting the award for best new artist after working in Hollywood for 15 years as a songwriter for other people. And she shared that she likes to liken herself as a plant that has been planted, and she uses it as a way to keep herself going during the 15 years that it took for her to get on that Grammy stage. And I want to focus on this idea of being planted and planted in a particular environment because the environment that you're in is crucial to your success. I mean, it makes sense, right? A tulip can't grow in cement and you can't grow in cement either. And there was something else that Victoria Monet said when she was at the Grammy's that helps us go a layer deeper.
(24:01):
She said, quote, I like to liken myself to a plant who is planted. And you can look at the music industry as soil. It can be looked at as dirty, or it can be looked at as a source of nutrients and water. And my roots have been growing underneath ground unseen for so long, that last part of what she said, my roots have been growing underneath ground unseen for so long. It's such a relatable feeling, isn't it? And what I want to focus on is what she said in the middle that she was planted in the music industry for the past 15 years. And the music industry can be looked at as soil, and you can look at that soil as either dirty, getting in your way and not fair, and all the stuff that you and I tell ourselves as we start to feel discouraged that it's not happening fast enough.
(24:57):
Or you can look at the soil, the place that you've been planted in as the source of nutrients and water, something that is nourishing you toward your best self. And the fact is, she's right. The environment that you're in is critical to your growth, which begs the question, are you even planted somewhere? When you think about this big Grammy moment, the thing that you really want to work toward, are you even planted or are you busy looking at other people's gardens? If you haven't started on your goal, then you aren't even planted yet. You're a pack of seeds sitting in the display rack at Home Depot, just waiting for somebody to buy it, nestle it into the ground, get things going, and that's probably where you are because the hardest part of growing is starting. You have to put the seed in the soil so that it actually can have a chance to grow.
(25:54):
And so answer this question honestly for yourself. Am I even planted or am I just looking at other people's gardens? Am I looking at social media and TikTok and Instagram and all these influencers? Because that's exactly what it means to look at someone else's garden. You're not going to grow by doing that. You're going to actually feel stagnant. You're going to feel lost. You're going to feel discouraged at some point. You got to wake the hell up and you got to plant yourself. And if you have a seed of an idea, you've got everything inside of you to bloom into something extraordinary over time. Have you even started drafting out a table of contents for that book? You've always dreamt of writing.
Mel Robbins (26:41):
Have you had the conversation with your boss about moving from HR to marketing? Have you started looking for therapists, like truly looking, calling, checking insurance? Have you had that conversation with your partner about what's been triggering you and why you're so annoyed all the time? Or are you waiting for them to do it? You can either be thinking about something, sitting around waiting, waiting for someone else to spot you and sign you to a label instead of creating and publishing your own music.
(27:23):
I want to tell you something. No one is coming. You need to start. You need to plant yourself so you can then begin to do the work to put down those roots, to wake up every day and put in the daily reps that it's going to take to grow into something extraordinary. It might take you 15 days, you might be lucky, might take you 15 months, might take you 15 years. The difference between people who are successful and have everything that you want is they didn't quit when they felt like quitting. They got started instead of thinking about it. And you will never succeed. I won't succeed either in this idea of a supplement business. So let me come back to that question. What is your Grammy moment?
(28:08):
Really visualize it. When I close my eyes, I can see the packaging, I can see it on a conveyor belt being packaged. That's how much I can put myself there. I bet you can do the same thing. Well, guess what? It's time to prove it, not to me, but to yourself. I don't think you realize how much time you're wasting looking at other people's gardens, checking out all the other flowers, talking about what everybody else is doing instead of taking the action and committing to your own growth. And if you're sitting there and you're complaining to me, you're kind of like, well, I'm not really going anywhere. I guarantee you you haven't planted yourself. You started dancing around the idea buying planners instead of actually doing the work. Do you do that? I do that. That's sort of the preparing. It's sort of the easy way to make an idea, feel like it might be an idea.
(29:07):
Okay, we're doing. No, you're not. No, you're not. I'm going to call you out on this because it's the same thing that I do. I have done this in so many areas of my life where I've admired other people's gardens and then bitched about the fact that I'm not going anywhere. I'll admit something to you. When I was in my forties, I was so lonely. I mean, I had no social life. It's as if the bottom dropped out. And do you want to know what I did about it? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I knew what I wanted. I could visualize it, but I didn't do anything about it. I spent a lot of time looking at what other people were doing and then comparing myself to them or complaining to myself about it. When's it going to be my turn? Where did all my friends go?
(29:53):
Why does nobody invite me anywhere? Why am I never going on these cool girl trips? Why does everybody else seem to have such amazing friends from high school and college and 55 bridesmaids in their weddings and raising their kids together? I mean, this went on for years. Why?
Mel Robbins (30:10):
Because I was staring at other people's gardens and then using that to keep myself from doing anything. And for me, that big idea, that Grammy moment, if you will, was a life that was filled with friendship. That's what I wanted. That vision was so beautiful. I wanted it to bloom so desperately into its fullest expression, and yet it just remained a seed. And here's the epiphany. It's not until I was brutally honest with myself, Mel Robbins sitting here behind this desk scrolling through social media. It is not going to get you the friendships you want.
(31:05):
All this fricking jealousy that you have looking at what everybody else has sowed in their life, looking at the fruits that it beared, it is not going to get you what you want, woman, what are you going to do about it? See, this is where you have to really think about the environment of your mindset. You want this aspect of your life to go prove it. If I want this supplement company to happen, I got to prove it. If I want to have incredible friendships bloom in my life, I got to prove it. I cannot be the human version of a tulip in a tub of concrete and then complain. What am I angry? You want to know where grass grows? Grass grows where you water it. So if this is you in any area of your life where the grass is dead, no, it is dirt.
(31:52):
It is downright dirt. And you're sick of looking at other people's beautiful lawns, shut your mouth. Get off social media. Don't tell me what you want or what you can't. You want a green, beautiful, lush lawn? Then you better sow the seeds and then you better take care of it. Not once, but every day you got to water that new lawn every single day. Well, my neighbor's on is really green and their dad put it in for 'em. And so they got, who gives a shit? Is that going to help your lawn grow? No. You got to get serious about what you want, and then you have to plant yourself. And by planting yourself, I mean you get to work. Stop talking and start doing. And so I'm going to hit the pause. You can hear a few short words for our amazing sponsors, but don't you dare go anywhere.
(32:49):
Welcome back. It's your friend Mel, and we are talking about how you achieve your biggest ambition. And we've been unpacking something that Victoria Monet said when she won the Grammy for the best new artist and winning a Grammy that is achieving a huge ambition and you are going to achieve your huge ambitions. So now I want to talk to those of you who have started. You have ripped open that seed packet. You have seeded the lawn. You've been out there standing with the hose watering everything. You got yourself out of the cement and you put yourself into a beautiful pot. I'm talking to those of you, for example, who've been writing songs for other artists like Victoria, Monet. She was doing that just not so long ago. I'm talking to those of you who are halfway through 75 hard or you're on your third draft of your manuscript, or maybe you're in your first week of marathon training or your fifth month of interviewing for a new job.
(33:47):
And you have started. And I want to tell you, amazing, amazing job. Congratulations. Getting started is the hardest part. Do you know how huge this is that you're doing it? That is incredible. And every single day that passes by those little roots, they are spreading underground. Even though you may not see anything happening, they are spreading every day. When you wake up and you take a step forward, you're learning something, you're getting a little stronger, you're gaining skills, you're starting to get a little bit confident. It's really working. Even though you're sitting there going, well, I don't have a job yet. When am I going to start making real money? Why does this look easy for everybody else? When's it going to be my turn to be the one on stage to win the award to make amazing money? When am I going to be the one to sprout?
(34:48):
Great question. Great question. If that's you, ask yourself, are you in a place right now where you are going to continue to grow? If you're complaining about the dirt, then do something about it. But you got to ask yourself for real. Are you actually getting the nourishment that you need? Are you getting the support from yourself and the people around you? If not, it is time to pick up your roots and move yourself from that little pot where you become root bound and plant yourself somewhere else. Somewhere where you have a little bit more room to grow, a little bit more positivity in sunshine, where the soil is maybe a little richer, a little more nourishing, maybe it's full of other plants that are kind of like you. It's time for a new environment. It's time to raise the game to try new things, to be around more people.
(35:45):
It is time to level up. It is time to pick yourself up and actually put yourself in a different place to grow. So here's the example. For the past five years, my husband Christopher, he has really been wanting to write a book. And if you're new to the podcast, my husband Chris leads men's retreats. He is a death doula. He's about to finish his master's in transpersonal psychology. This is a human being on a mission to make a difference, helping other men create more meaningful lives. And for the last five years, Christopher Robbins has had a Grammy moment. He has had this vision in his mind. He has had the seed of an idea, and here it is, he really wants to write a book. And I got to acknowledge him. He didn't leave that seed of an idea and a packet on some display shelf.
Mel Robbins (36:34):
He planted it. Here's what he's been doing for five years. The man has been silently, quietly writing every day when he wakes up for the past five years, he has written in a journal and he says, you know, Mel, I must have written over 400,000 words by hand in my journals these past five years, 400,000 words, not another human being has read it. This is something he's been doing day in and day out. So let me ask you, are the roots growing absolutely stronger every day? Is he becoming a better writer? Absolutely. And you want to know how he feels? He feels the same way that Victoria Monet felt unseen. He's questioning. He's wondering if this is leading anywhere. And I can recall at least a dozen times in the past, you're alone, where he's turned to me and said, I just don't feel like I have anything to say.
(37:43):
Absolutely everything that I would actually want to write a book about. Somebody's already published a book on that topic. Somebody has already researched it. What more do I have to say that's any different than what somebody else has already had to say? And I'm sure Victoria Monet felt the same during those 15 years, just like I'm sure you've probably felt more times than you can remember. Well, about a year ago, it was very clear that Chris had stopped growing this daily practice of writing in his journal. I mean, it had certainly grown a very, very large system of roots. It had created this foundation. He clearly is a writer, but he needs a bigger pot. He needs more nourishment. He needs to improve the soil that he's in. He needs to change the environment so that he can continue to grow. So what did he do?
(38:35):
He hired a writing coach. And when he told me, I'm like, what's a writing coach? He said, it is somebody that I talk to once a month that makes sure I write this book. They help me with the table of contents. They give me assignments related to the book. They help me continue to move toward the light just like a plant turns toward the sun. Chris took the actions that helped him turn toward this idea of writing a book. Now, this coach certainly helps water and nourish and grow Chris into becoming a writer. And honestly, you need to do the exact same thing. If you're already chipping away at this and you're feeling stagnant, and you know what that feeling feels like, you have to get into a different or bigger or deeper or wider environment. And for me, an example of this was joining a mastermind group with other people that are in the same business authors and podcasters and surrounding yourself with people that are pursuing what you want is one of the best ways that you can continue to grow.
(39:45):
And see, I think you make a mistake. You make a mistake that I made, which is you think you're in competition with people who have already had the Grammy moment. Those people that have had a Grammy moment, those are not people that you're in competition with. Those people should be your best friends because they know what you're going through. And you think that, oh my gosh, if I'm around other people that want the same things that I want, then those people are going to cast shadows and I'm not going to be able to grow around baloney. Are you kidding me? Being around other people that want similar things is a way that you can invest in your own growth. Go find them. That's where you want to be. And if you're sitting there and you're still getting all antsy and annoyed with me and you're like, I have been doing that. Nothing's happening. I'm going to ask you something.
(40:35):
Are you actually hitting it every single day? A hundred percent. If you've been at this for a while, I'm willing to bet you're probably on a little bit of an autopilot. You're probably just cruising along because you're convincing it's not going to happen for me. You're kind of resigned. The message for you is very clear. You got to be patient. If you've been at this for a while, you probably forgot about the fundamentals. You probably forgot that. All that stuff that you hate doing, the stuff that's a pain, you probably stopped doing that. That's always what happens with me. Same is true with a lawn. By the way, your grass could be absolutely gorgeous and green at the beginning of the summer. What happens if you stop doing one of the fundamental things like watering it in the sun? It basically burns and dries up, dies.
(41:34):
And if you stop doing the fundamentals because you get discouraged or you're tired or you're just sick of it, that's going to happen to you. So the takeaway for you is get back to the basics, get back to the roots, get back to the fundamentals, all that stuff that nobody wants to do, and don't quit day in and day out. Build the roots because it's from those roots and the foundational actions that you have to take, that you have the strength to continue to bloom, and I need to warn you about something. It's not going to happen overnight. It just doesn't. It's going to take time, and you're going to have to sit there in the soil and you have to remind yourself that you are growing and that when the time is right, those roots, they will be there to lift you toward your version of a Grammy.
(42:24):
Don't forget it took Victoria Monet, 15 years of feeling unseen and defeated and questioning of her dream to write a top song of her own was ever going to happen. That is 5,478 days to win her first Grammy. And I want you to ask yourself now, how long have you been at your goal? And don't let this question discourage you because it's easy to forget that over the course of those 15 years, Victoria was doing some pretty amazing things. I mean, she was writing songs with Ariana Grande and Brandy and so many other amazing artists. And there's no doubt that those experiences, well, she may have felt unseen. They're part of the root system. It contributed to her growth, it supported her in going on and being able to win those three Grammys. It means that when she burst onto the scene, you know what we know about her.
(43:17):
This is not going to be a one and done. Oh, hell no. This is just the beginning and you're going to be the same way. Why? Because the roots are strong. Do not forget to count all those little wins along the way. You may be knocked down at the end of your rope and you can have your big cry. But those of us who become successful are the people who wake up tomorrow morning and we keep going after it. The game of success is about stamina. Do not allow yourself to be sitting around looking at everybody else blooming and going, never going to be my turn. Of course it's going to be your turn. Why? Because you're designed to grow. And trust me, I wish there was a shortcut, but in life, there is no miracle grow to make you bloom faster. But one thing that I have found that helps me on those days when I feel like my God, is this ever going to happen is just six simple words.
(44:15):
What if this does work out? What if on those days where I don't feel seen or I start to question the sanity of my idea? Boy, that's a dumb idea. Mel, what are you doing thinking about that stuff? I know you've said that to yourself. Just remind yourself, what if this does work out? When I say those six words, it keeps me in the game. And that's all you need to do. And before you know it, I promise you, you will find yourself just like Victoria Monet did at the very end of her speech, she said, and my roots have been growing underneath ground unseen for so long, and I feel like today I'm sprouting above ground. I love that she used the word sprout because when I hear the word sprout, I think of this teeny tiny little thing that kind of comes up from the seed.
(45:05):
And I would've expected her in a moment like that to be like, I am a big, beautiful bloom and I am just getting started. And that's the genius of this metaphor that you are going to grow your whole life. And this idea will take hold. Why? Because of your roots. Big goals, just like huge, beautiful blooms on a flower, they require a big root system in order to support them. That mighty oak, that sprouts from a teeny tiny acorn, massive root system period. And I believe that patience is the most important thing because the time that you spend building is directly proportionate to just how big and how beautiful your life is going to be. And in case no one else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to take absolutely everything that you learned today and take that seed of an idea and this beautiful metaphor that we got from Victoria Monet, and remind yourself in those moments when you're feeling discouraged or jealous or giving up or you're feeling like it's just not going to happen, that's where the growth is.
(46:26):
You know that it's not going to happen overnight. And you know that your job is to get out of the way and take the action to let that growth happen. Do not give up. Keep turning toward the light and go do it. I'll talk to you in a few days and for you on YouTube, I just want to thank you for being here. I know you have huge dreams. I know that's why you watch these videos. I'm also going to ask you take a minute and subscribe to this channel. It really supports me in supporting you. It's one way that you can help this channel grow. It costs you nothing. So please, please, please take a moment. Please share this episode with anybody else that you know it will help. And I also want to tell you, I love you. I believe in you. I believe in your ability to be patient and to take that seed of an idea and to wake up every day and do the work to support your growth. Alrighty, now one more thing that is going to support your growth is watching another amazing videos. And you're going to love this one. Your dreams are no joke. It's time to dream big again, and three ways to get started.
Resources
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- Listen to Victoria Monét as she wins Best New Artist at the Grammys
- Follow Victoria Monét on Instagram and TikTok.
- Mel Robbins: 6 Magic Words That Stop Anxiety & Overwhelm
- Harvard Business Review: The power of small wins.
- ResearchGate: The connection between self-improvement and wellbeing.
- Inc: Keep giving up on your dreams? Research says be more accepting.
- Science of Running: The desire to quit is normal. Here’s what to do about it.
- Wharton Exec Education: Goals not working? (Change your environment.)
- Forbes: Are you too quick to call it quits?
- Swipe: The Science Behind Why We Don’t Finish What We Start
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