Do you know what pre-teen hell looks like?

Let me paint a picture for you:  right now every middle school girl in America is stressing out about what to wear the first day of school.  With a 12 and 11 y/o in my house, late-August is an endless whirlwind of Tom’s shoes, ruffled tank tops, and Glee Concert T-shirts, gladiator sandals and the grey, striped shirt- No, not THAT grey, striped shirt! YOU DON’T GET IT MOM! Nobody understands me!

For the last five days, my daughters have flip-flopped on fashion decisions so often, I can’t decide if I should use parental-controls to block America’s Next Top Model or C-SPAN!  One of them thinks she’s the next Lady Gaga, and the other one wants to blend in, but still be noticed a little.

It starts innocently enough. What was once a kitchen, is now a private runway used to strut outfit after never-ending outfit. The models pause to ask a simple,”how’s this?” But it’s a trick question I tell you! If I say “You look great” or “I like it”, they turn on their heels, and stomp back upstairs; BUT, if I try the reverse and give ‘em an “eh”, they look on me with the saddest eyes you’ve ever seen, like I’ve stolen their essence.

I can’t wait until they start dating.

So I sought the advice of my favorite parenting guru from HuffPost fame, Susan Stiffelman, and she reminded me that kids have “imaginery audience syndrome” – they actually do think that everyone is looking at them.  She suggested I try to be more understanding, instead of acting like a judge on Project Runway.

So, last night, when I tucked my daughter in, I asked her:  ”So why are you so worried about this?”  And she told me the truth:  ”Because everyone will look at me, and see the outfit and that’s what they will think about me for the rest of the year.”  With Susan’s Stiffelman’s voice in my ear, I took a breath, resisted screaming at her – are you insane?  and said, “Oh, I see.  I can understand why this is a BIG deal.”  And then I asked for her guidance, ”What are YOU looking for in the perfect first-day-of-7th-grade-outfit?” She knew exactly. ” I want to look “tan and awesome– but without looking like I’m trying too hard.  I want to be different, but not too different. I don’t want my butt to look fat.”

Before you remind me that ”girls will be girls” hold on for a second — perhaps these girls are on to something…

I once interviewed Donald Trump, and the best piece of advice he gave to the audience was that he always “dresses the part.” He told the story of starting out in the real estate business and spending all his money on the best suit he could find so that he looked like a successful real estate investor, before he was one.

Bill Zanker, who founded the Learning Annex, has a similar story. As a struggling entrepreneur, he would use this little trick to boost his confidence: before every important meeting, he would go to the bank and take out a wad of cash from his savings account – $1000, to be exact. Having the money in his pocket, made him “feel” successful. It boosted his confidence and did away with any feelings of desperation. He claims the cash in his suit pocket made him a better negotiator. After the meeting was done, he’d deposit the money back into his savings account.

And, last week, on my radio show, I interviewed an expert about how to ace a phone interview. He claimed that candidates who take the time to “dress up” for a phone interview – made it to the next round 90% of the time. Wearing a suit, while talking on the phone made the candidate more confident and even changed the tone of voice over the phone.

The bottom line is if you want to become something or someone, you must dress like you already are. If you want to feel confident, you must take the time to dress in a way that makes you feel it. It may very well be the only part of any encounter you can control, and that control inspires confidence.

If I ignore how irritating it is as a parent to deal with this – I realize that my 12 year old and 11 year old daughters were simply doing the same thing as Donald Trump, Bill Zanker and my interview expert. Each one knows that when she walks into school her nerves will be on fire. The right outfit will help her feel more confident, or in the case of Kendall – more like Lady Gaga. 

Imagine how differently you’d feel if instead of pulling on the same tired jeans, replete with faded mustard stains, or that boring blue button down you put some serious thought into what you should wear? If you dressed for what you want, instead of how you feel.  If you put on lipstick, even though you feel like shit.

Think of your clothing as a visual resume. It’s there to tell the story of who you are, and nobody is going to take those ill-fitting khakis seriously. And neither do you.