It all started three years ago. I was lucky enough to be invited to give a keynote for the Boston Chamber of Commerce in 2008. Here’s a photo from that awesome event:

At the end of that event, Paul Guzzi – the CEO of the Chamber of Commerce – said. “Mel, if you ever write a book, we’d love to have you back.”

It took me three years to get it done, but the day the book went on sale, I knew there was only one place that I wanted to be for the launch date – before the Chamber of Commerce; and by the grace of God, and some big fans at the Chamber of Commerce, we actually pulled it off. My book launch would happen three years from the date that Paul said that fateful sentence to me.

So, it’s all perfect, right?

Not so. The night before the big launch, I am sitting on my bed and I suddenly realize, “Holy SH*T – I don’t have a book seller lined up for tomorrow…..I have no books for the event…”

My heart starts to race. My face turns red, and I start to panic. My internal dialogue is really uplifting:  “Oh great, it’s only taken you three f*cking years to write the damn thing, Mel and now you are about to kick off the book tour and you have no books to sell? Brilliant. Bloody fricking brilliant.”

I sustain the self-verbal-assassination for a good minute or two and then I did what any accomplished woman would do – I start crying. No, actually, it was more in the weeping category. I would have called someone but I was sucking wind and sobbing. I pulled the sheets over my head. I just cried and cried until the sheets were wet. The dog left the room. I was alone feeling very emotional and very sorry for myself. I didn’t fix it. I just sat in my tears and pitied myself.

At some point, I got out of bed to go to the bathroom to pee (thank you peri-menopause) and walked into the kitchen. I poured vodka, straight over ice, took a slug and said “Stop crying you jerk and just fix it.”

And then, I popped a Claritin and went to bed.

Why am I telling you the ugly truth? Simple. Life never goes according to plan. Even when things seem to line up beautifully and you are on a roll – there will be problems. Things will screw up. That’s how it works. It rains on your wedding. You work your tail off on a powerpoint and the sales pitch gets canceled. You plan all day how you are going to seduce your lover and the moment they get home, they utter the death knell “God I’m tired.” You plan. You attract. You put it all out there. Life may disappoint.

When I am disappointed – I just allow myself to feel it. I find that a great cry, followed by a stiff drink or a great meal cleanses the emotions, and then – I’m ready to refocus.

I woke up and was not exactly on fire – but I was at least dehydrated from crying and well rested and decongested from the Claritin. As soon as I pushed myself from the cocoon of my bed, out the door and into the car – I started to feel better. When I feel bad for myself, I’m usually alone – so getting moving is hugely helpful. It’s hard to sustain self-pity when people are around.

By the time I reached the hotel, I was feeling really excited and privileged to just be able to be with so many amazing women. And then I walked into the room and realized, I had been so bloody selfish. I was focused on selling books because I feel insecure. I’ve never written a book. I’ve never sold a book. I’m afraid I won’t measure up to all those amazing authors I admire like Gretchen Rubin, Chris Brogan, Dan Pink and others. I was guilty of doing what we all do – focusing on my fears – instead of my dreams. My dream is to spend my waking hours inspiring people. To make them laugh and learn and think and act. I lost sight of that desire because I got so afraid that I would fail at selling books. How stupid. How short sighted.

We all do this. You get so focused on your fears, you forget about what you want to be doing. You get so worried, you squash every great idea, game changer thought or cool inspiration you have. What is so crazy is that my book is about getting out of your own way and being more powerful than your fears. And yet, here I was 12 hours before the on-sale and I’m a puddle – all fear.

I want to be doing exactly what I was doing this morning – experiencing the energy, wisdom and love of a room full of amazing people.

Book sales are gravy. This audience. This energy. This privilege – now that’s what it’s all about for me.

What do you want? I want to know. And more importantly, how do you stop yourself from truly getting what you want…..I want to help.

xx