Episode: 32
5 Essential Hacks I’m Using to Make New Habits Stick
a Solo Episode
There are 5 simple systems backed by science that make new habits stick.
If you’re struggling to maintain habits, it’s not you—it’s your systems.
Stop relying on willpower. Research says systems work better.
Learn these life-changing systems in this episode.
Listen on:
Failing to plan is planning to fail.
Mel Robbins
Featured Clips
Transcript
Mel Robbins (00:00:03):
You are going to freaking love this. We just released an episode about the science of habits. We covered all of the basic foundational stuff. And what's happening is that you've gotten started and you're rolling along on your keto diet or dry January, or you're trying to stick to that budget and now the wheels are about to fall off. So today's episode, it's dedicated to you because you are going to get the science back hacks that you need to stay consistent when you make change. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to a practical, tactical tool packed episode of the Mel Robbins podcast. I am so excited for today's episode. I didn't even take the time to take a shower, wash my face or change out of my gym clothes. I exercised this morning and I raced right up here to the microphone because I have got so many cool things to share with you. And for those of you that have been here for a while, check it out. You are going to freaking love this.
(00:01:12):
Love it. It's everything that you love. It's hilarious stories. It's science back tools. You are going to be inspired and in action before this thing is over. That's how jam packed our conversation's going to be today. That's why I had to wear running tights because we're going to be running fast running through this, okay? And for those of you that are new, welcome, I'm so glad you're here. But get ready because this is a doozy. We're talking takeaway city. We're talking proven hacks. Heck, I am even teaching you today how to use a post-it note to make your new habits stick. That's right. I'm Mel Robbins. I'm a New York Times bestselling author and one of the most trusted experts in the world on behavior change and motivation. Here's the reason why I'm so excited. It's because I know that our conversation today is going to be relevant to your life because we just released an episode about the science of habits.
(00:02:04):
We covered all of the basic foundational stuff. And now of course I've gotten a ton of questions from those of you who are trying to make a big change. And what's happening is that you've gotten started and you're rolling along on your keto diet or dry January or you're trying to stick to that budget and now the wheels are about to fall off. Maybe they already have. So today's episode, it's dedicated to you
Mel Robbins (02:30):
Because you are going to get the science back hacks that you need to stay consistent when you make change. And I'm also going to give you little fun strategies and systems that you can do to make all these new changes that you're working so hard on stick. How cool is that? And one final thing, this is part of a month long series that we're doing here on the Mel Robbins podcast about the foundational skills and research that you can use to create a better life. And so let's jump in. Let's make those habits sticky people, and let's start with a question from a listener named Eric.
Eric (00:03:05):
Hi Mel. My name's Eric. How do I create habits that'll stick? So once I keep going, I'll stay with it. I want to make it easier.
Mel Robbins (00:03:12):
Eric, I'm so glad you asked because you know what? I don't want that new treadmill that you just invested in to become the most expensive coat hanger in your house. And the truth is, there are simple, fun and easy ways that will help you stick with the new habits that you're trying to create. And look, I want to say something right up front. I'm not exactly the expert in this. I'm applying the same tools that you're going to learn in this episode. I'll tell you a quick story because I'm in the same boat as you.
Mel Robbins (03:41):
I signed up this year to do this 75 day mental toughness challenge that is requiring me to do a bunch of brand new behaviors every single day. So I am in the habit formation soup with everybody and I have a confession to make. This is the second attempt that I'm making at completing this 75 day challenge because I failed last time I did it, I signed up last year and this challenge was so hard.
(00:04:11):
I bailed within a week. So all the stuff I'm about to share with you are the things that I'm using that I've seen other people use so that I don't fail at it this time. Here's how this episode is going to roll. I'm going to explain the new daily habits that I'm trying to learn and stick with and manage. As I do that, I want you to think right now about the change that you're trying to make because I want this to be relevant to you that way it's not only going to be valuable for you to listen to this, but it's going to make the change that you want to make easier. So I'll start first. So I've committed to do this 75 day challenge and here is what the challenge says I have to do for 75 days, no alcohol. I have to eat a healthy diet, which for me, I've decided I'm going to just eat a normal diet.
(00:05:01):
I'm a healthy eater, but I'm not going to have any gluten or dairy for 75 days. I got a workout twice a day and one of those workouts has to be outside. I have to drink a gallon of water, I have to take a progress photo every day and I have to read 10 pages of nonfiction every single day. And the way that this challenge works and this challenge is really like, bro, it's like a bunch of dudes created this thing, very discipline oriented because here's one of the rules, if you miss any one of those things that I just listed, you have to go back to day one period. That's how the challenge worked. Now, you may be wondering, okay, why the hell are you doing a challenge like this? I'll get to this in a moment, but I want to be very clear about something everybody, because a lot of times when I share that I'm up to something, everybody is like, oh, I want to do that too.
(00:05:56):
But I want to be clear about something. This challenge I'm doing is called 75 hard. It's been around for more than a decade. It's something you can find out about online. And the reason why I want to be clear about something is because this challenge has specific rules and I'm going to do the challenge based on the rules, but the rules of this challenge are at odds with what the science around habits actually says. See, habit research says that if you miss a day, you don't default back to day zero. You don't lose progress by missing a day. And so I want to be very clear upfront that you can still be successful in making new habits stick. You can still be successful in seeing a change through if you miss a day or two days or a week. And so I want to be clear that the 75 hard challenge that I'm doing that punishes you for missing a day is not the reality when it comes to neuroscience, biology and all the research around habits. And I know you're concerned about this because I'm getting a lot of questions about, well, what do I do if I fall off like this one from Zoe?
Zoe (00:07:04):
Hi Mel, it's Zoe. And I am wondering how do you not let your setbacks keep you from getting back and trying again? On New Year's Day, I was resolving not to eat sweetss, and literally the first thing I ate was some chocolate birthday cake. And by noon it was all over. So thoughts, any suggestions, any tips? Thanks. Happy New Year. Great job Mel and all your crew.
Mel Robbins (00:07:29):
Oh, Zoe, we love you. So for Zoe and every one of you listening, we're not robots. We're human beings. And habit research says that screwing up does not impact your progress or your ability to make habits stick in life. Unlike this challenge 75 hard that I'm doing, if you miss a day, all you do is miss a day and then move forward. That's it. And research shows the new neuropathways that you create. Zoe, once you start the new habit of trying to remove sugar from your diet, they're still there. And we know this based on research from Dr. Philip Olly at the University College of London, and there's something else it's called the what the hell effect science says You're not behind. The problem is is that in our mindset we have this quote, what the hell effect? You think, oh, one mistake, I ate the cake. What the hell? I
(00:08:25):
Guess I'm screwed. Do that. And this comes from Duke researcher Dan Ley. He writes a lot about this. And you know what's really funny, Zoe? Is that even in Dan's writing and research, you want to hear what he's quoting. I just had one slice of cake when my goal was no sugar, so what the hell? I'll have a couple more. I swear to God that's the example that he used Zoe when he was researching the what the hell effect. And I'm raising this before I teach you the five simple systems that you can use to make habits stick because I want you guys to go into these five simple systems knowing that if you screw up one day, you go a couple days, you go a week, you can still get right back on track, okay? I need you to think that failing is not a big deal.
(00:09:17):
You can recover, period. So Zoe, once you eat that piece of cake, just appreciate how delicious it was, savor the moment and then get up, walk around the house, shake it off so that you don't eat another slice. Recognize, oh, here's that. What the hell effect, I'm not going to follow for it. And then get right back to your promise. Cut yourself some slack and keep going. That's all you need to do, Zoe. And there's one final thing I want to say to Zoe though, and any one of you who has made a promise and within four hours you broke it,
Mel Robbins (00:09:53):
Let's have an honest conversation here. Do you actually want to give up sugar? Do you actually want to exercise every day? Do you really mean it that this is the year that you're going to start that business? And I'm saying that to you as a friend. We just did an episode on the science of goal setting and I want you to go back and listen for real. If you're somebody who chronically makes these resolutions or goals for yourself and then within the first day or two, it's out the window. And the reason why I'm asking you to go back and re-listen to the episode we did on the science of goal setting is because if this is like a chronic pattern for you, I suspect that you're not in touch with why you want to stop eating sugar. Because remember, in our goal setting episode, in order for a goal to be achieved, it has to have two components to it.
(00:10:57):
The will and the way and the will means that this goal is personally relevant. You want to do it. And so I suspect Zoe, that if you're already eating cake four hours into this thing, you're missing the will. And that's not willpower, by the way. This has to do with intrinsic motivation. The reason why you're quitting so fast is because you're not in touch with why you want to quit sugar. So go back there. If you set goals and you don't have any why, how you're going to fail before you start. And so that now brings me back to why on earth am I doing something called 75 heart? What is my, why am I doing something so challenging? Because identifying that is important. No, it's critical to me not bailing within a week this time. And I want you to think about your why, whether that's eating keto or saving money or finishing the manuscript or becoming more organized or getting back out there and finding somebody to share life with.
(00:12:03):
Whatever it is, get in touch with your why and it's important that you do that before I tell you these five science-based systems and hacks, and I'll tell you why I decided to do this mental fitness challenge. It's simple. I want to play a really big game in life and have a personal, it's really simple. This year I want to play an even bigger game in life and I also want to have a breakthrough in personal discipline. It's that simple. That's my why plus a bunch of my family members are doing it this year and I really wanted to be a part of it. The why is critical. So stop and think, why am I doing this thing, the goal that I want to have Mel's help sticking with this habit that I really don't want to bail on? Why is this important now 75 hard for me, I should be calling it 75 brutal.
(00:12:54):
Because the truth is I have not gone 75 days without having an alcoholic beverage since I started drinking when I was 16 years old. And when I think about cutting out dairy and gluten, which is something I want to do because I get a lot of sinus congestion and so I'm curious to see if dairy or gluten is the reason, but cutting it out for 75 days, I mean that's what I eat for breakfast. Hello, cereal. Hello oatmeal. Hello coffee with cream and sugar. Hello, sourdough toast with bread. Now I'm starting to wonder why on earth did I make myself do this? Oh yeah, that's right because I'm tired of having sinus issues and I'm tired of having my gut feel funky. And so here's what I figure. If I can make these thick things exercising twice a day, no alcohol, sticking to this diet, reading water for 75 days, you want to know what?
(00:13:47):
I can fucking do anything. And that leads me to yet another takeaway. If you feel stuck right now,
Mel Robbins (13:55):
If you feel like you're in a rut, if you just got dumped or fired or you're going through a divorce or you put on more weight than you've ever had, or you're just feeling kind of lost in life, you have no clue what you want to do, here's a tip from your friend Mel Robbins. If you don't know what to do in that situation, sign up for something challenging. Train for a marathon, commit to doing something that feels hard as hell and that pushes you outside of your comfort zone. Something that forces you to add something new to your life like a training run every single day or a class where you're going to learn something or a meditation challenge or hell, 75 harder. How about this one?
(00:14:35):
If you don't know how to swim and you're an adult, it'd be pretty confronting to go to your local Y and sign up for an adult beginner's swim class and learn how to swim, which is a lifesaving skill. Or maybe you want to sign up for tango lessons and you've always thought about how fun it would be to dance in competitions. See what's interesting about a challenge of something scary and hard is it forces you to level up every area of your life because you won't be successful adding this challenge into your life and completing the goal if you don't change your life and your habits and the systems of your day-to-day life in order to be a person who can achieve this goal, it literally shocks you to your core when you sign up for a challenge and it reminds you I'm more powerful than I think.
(00:15:27):
I'm not stuck in this situation or this shitty relationship or this dead end job. I'm more powerful than I think and just trying this online challenge or training for this marathon or this road race or this walking thing or whatever. It's getting me back in touch with me. Okay? I don't have the lecture, Mel, and this brings me to the fun part. Alright, I got these new habits, please, Mel, give me the five hacks. How the hell do I make these new habits stick? How do I create structured discipline in order in my life? Well, it's very simple. You're going to use simple hacks. That's all you're going to do. You can call them systems, you can call them triggers, you can call them cues, you can call them structure, you can call them whatever you want to be. My friend Amy, who you have heard on this podcast has this term that I laugh about so much because it makes me think of belly buttons.
(00:16:22):
But she basically says there are two kinds of people in this world. There are people that are any organizers, meaning you manage everything, any your head, right? You're thinking about it all the time. That's not how you're going to be successful when it comes to change. I was in any organizer and I have any belly button in case you're wondering. I know that's a little bit too much information, I dunno why, but it's kind of intimate to share whether you have an in or an outtie belly button. But I have an in, I blame it. You can blame that on the doctor who tied your umbilical cord. Yep. I often tell myself that if only the doctor who tied my umbilical cord, who happened to be my father who was a medical resident at the time, I blame my father for the fact that it doesn't matter how much I exercise, I have a hamburger bun belly button, like it's like a flat line.
(00:17:18):
And I say to myself, if he had only tied the knot tighter, I would have one of those amazing round belly buttons that are like the size of a nickel that some people have. I've always wanted one of those. No, I'm not getting surgery, but so I have an any flat hamburger button, belly button. That's not what I was supposed to be talking to you about. On any organizer is somebody who tries to stay organized in their head. You have to be an outtie organizer. That's what you have to be when it comes to habits. Why? Well, remember in the episode we just released on the science of habits, there are only three parts to a habit based on all of the research and habits. Science has never changed the cue, the behavior pattern and the trigger. That's it. You have to figure out systems to have the cue or the trigger outside of you. And when you start to figure out how to get the cue, the thing that signals the new behavior outside of you, get it out of your any head and get it out into the world. When you start to do that, that's the secret to making behavior stick. And what you're going to learn is going to blow your mind because I know that when you're trying to change any your head, you're keeping it all in your head and you're not using systems outside of you. You are frustrated like Anne is.
Anne (00:18:41):
Hi Mel, I'm Anne and here's my question. Why is it so hard to break through some daily habits and do things differently? Why can't I stay consistent in my daily tasks?
Mel Robbins (00:18:52):
I'll tell you why you're frustrated. The same reason why every, any organizer is frustrated because you are trying to stay consistent in your head and you are not using simple systems and simple physical cues to keep you organized and to keep these changes top of mind. That's it. And you are managing so much and you listening to me, you don't give yourself enough credit for how much you are juggling in your own mind. Stop keeping behavior change in your own mind and let's get it out of your head because I want you to know something. You're not the problem. You have everything within you. You're not the problem. You are capable of learning new habits. You are capable of making amazing things happen. You're not the problem. The problem is that you're attacking this as any organizer. You are planning to do this all in your head and all you need is outtie systems that keep these new changes front and center in front of you.
(00:19:57):
That's how you stay consistent. Stop relying on willpower, stop relying on having to remember what you need to do. Absolutely not. There is no way you are going to achieve your goals or stay consistent or make all those amazing changes that you want to make, that you deserve to have happen unless you start to implement systems in your life. And that's what we're going to do next. We're going to take a short break. We're going to hear a short word from our sponsors and then I'm going to come right back and I'm going to teach you right now the five simple systems that I am using right now. I have researched these because I'll be damned if I do not complete the 75 hard challenge, especially since I'm doing it with my husband who's doing it now for the third time and he's leading a group of people from around the world through it.
(00:20:43):
My daughter's also in, her boyfriend is in, so is my brother. There is no fucking way. I am letting myself fail and I will fail like I did last time if I rely on my own mind. So I am getting out of my head and I'm getting into my systems and so are, and I'm going to explain them in just a second. Welcome back.
Mel Robbins (21:03):
So we are talking about the five simple systems that are going to help you make new behavior change stick. Okay? So system number one, and this is the Mac daddy of outtie organizing ready? Make it visible and by make it visible, I mean put it in front of your fricking face, okay? Because here's the cool thing. Instead of rearranging your mind and your mental to-do list, rearrange your house and your environment to support you in remembering your goals and achieving your habits.
(00:21:43):
Okay? That's how you make this stick. You make it visible, you make it obvious. So let me give you a list of some of the things that I've done. So first, I have the list of all of the things that I need to accomplish in this challenge taped to my mirror, above my bathroom sink. Why is it there? Well, because I want to make it visible and obvious. It's the first thing that I see in the morning and it's the last thing that I see at night. Here's another example of a way to make the habit or the goal visible. My water bottle and the nonfiction book that I'm reading, I put that by the coffee maker every single night. It is sitting there in the morning. Why? Because I can't miss it. I mean, it's obvious. I walk in, I go to make my coffee, boom, there it is.
(00:22:32):
It's like, Hey bitch, don't forget to drink the water. Hey, read that book. Don't pick up the phone. Do you see how much easier I made that on myself instead of having to go in my head and be like doing mental gymnastics with me. Don't pick up the phone. Remember, you got to read the book. I don't want to read the book. It's like sitting right there out of me. I can't ignore it. Here's another way to make things visible, to support yourself. We have this little beverage fridge and normally it's got a ton of beer and wine in it. What's in it right now? Not beer and wine. It's now stocked with kombucha, non-alcoholic beer and awesome non-alcoholic spirits and all kinds of spin dres and seltzers and topo chicos and all the kind of non-alcoholic stuff that I love to drink. Why? Because then when I feel a little craving and I go to open up the little beverage fridge because I'm going to sneak because I'm sneaky and I'm a rebel and I only made it a week through the challenge last time.
(00:23:26):
So god knows I'm going to want to sneak it sometime. What do I have? The stuff that I don't want to drink, but the thing that I need to drink is right there. It's visible. Here's another way that I make the habit visible. Every night before I go to bed, I lay out my exercise clothes on the floor. It is a giant middle finger to myself because you want to know what, when I wake up in the morning, do I want to work out? Do I want to have to work out outside? Hell no. It's 37 degrees and raining in Vermont right now. Who in the right mind wants to go outside? But when I wake up, it's visible. It's outside of my head, it's in my face. It is reminding me, oh, there's that promise that you regret that you made, Mel. And then I have to remind me of my why as I'm pulling on my tights. The question is why does this work?
Mel Robbins (24:17):
Well, let's turn to research from Harvard Business School because this research from Harvard Business School shows that when we make decisions for our future selves, we make better decisions. So let me unpack this for you. Okay?
(00:24:33):
When you wake up in the morning and you got all your habits and goals, any your head, it's the old you and you got a decision to make in the morning, right? Do I feel like exercising? Do I even remember? I need to exercise. It's sleeting, horizontal, disgusting, 37 degree rain outside. Do I feel like exercising? If you are in your head making a decision in real time, you are likely going to make a bad decision, right? I don't want to exercise so I'm not going to, I'll do it later. But when you make decisions for your future self and that's what you're doing when you literally take the time to put a post-it note on a mirror, that's what you're doing when you take the time to pull all of the booze out of the fridge and stock it instead with better choices. That's what I'm doing when I put the clothes on the floor.
(00:25:35):
I am making a decision as my future self. I am saying I know Mel Robbins well enough to know at some point this woman is going to have no willpower. She's going to be weak, she's going to be desperate, she's going to be emotional. And so I need to make a decision for the future. Mel Robbins, the Mel Robbins that wants to change. And when you think from that point of view and you set yourself up for success by making these things visible, you freaking win. Because according to Harvard Business School, you make better decisions when you think about who is the future you and what would that person do? So the night before, plan out as many decisions as you can because the other thing that you can do, and that means put the water bottle by the coffee maker, set the journal out where you're going to see it.
(00:26:22):
Lay out the clothes, put the phone in a different room so that it's not there to look at first thing in the morning. These are things that you can do as the future. You. What would the person who already lives this lifestyle be doing? Act like that version of you. And when you set yourself up and make all this stuff visual, here's the other cool thing that happens. You reduce what's called decision fatigue the very next day and you're taking advantage of this planning for your future self. And you know what? There's a third benefit. I love this. It lowers, it lowers activation energy. So we talked about this in the episode called motivation is garbage. Activation energy is just a fancy term. That means how much fuel or energy does it take you to get started on something? Activation energy is the force that you need to apply to doing something.
(00:27:17):
So I'll go back to the example. It is so much easier for me to get going when my exercise tights are on the floor next to my bed. Duh. It is so much easier for me to get my water consumption done to drink that big first thing of water if it's sitting out waiting for me, duh. Because it takes a lot more energy, a lot more force, a lot more fuel for me to not only haul my ass out of bed, but to remember I need to put on exercise tights and to pull open the drawer and to figure out which pair to wear and then to pull 'em on and then to look at the jog bras and then to decide if I need a sweatshirt or I need a this or I've had to burn through fuel just to figure out what freaking outfit to put on by making decisions for my future self and making it visible.
(00:28:08):
Boom. Shaka laka people. This is easy. I am setting myself up for success. Here's another powerful way to make things visible. Use the alarm on your phone. Seriously, this is a genius hack. Put the alarm on your phone to use to help you be your future self. It's like a reminder from the future. Okay, cake's done. Get up, go check on it. No, seriously. So every single smartphone has the ability to set an alarm and on the alarm when you go to set the time, there's a label right now it says alarm. You can literally change the label to help you remember anything. And here's what's super cool about a simple alarm in your phone.
Mel Robbins (28:54):
Research is found that twice as many people who received quit smoking messages quit smoking over a six month period. So these little systems like setting an alarm in your phone, whether you're reminding yourself to take the vitamins that you want to be taking or you're reminding yourself to get outside for the run, or you're reminding yourself to spend 30 minutes working on a project that you wanted to get done, they're going to make you based on the research, twice as successful, twice more likely.
(00:29:24):
This simple stuff works. And it's not that hard. It's not that hard, right? Not that hard to put a post-it note on the mirror. Not that hard to set an alarm in your phone. Not that hard to set the water bottle out, but you got to do it, okay? Simple systems work because your life is complicated enough. And if you can put that post-it note up, you are setting yourself up for success. I'm telling you it's true. And that leads me to system number two, and this is the one that Mel Robbins has to use even more than Stick it in your face. And this is the opposite. Get it the fuck out of here, okay? Remove the temptation from your sight. Get it out of here, out of sight, out of mind. I wish that were true because a lot of times you're going to find that even when you say, okay, that's it.
(00:30:18):
I'm not going to eat gluten, I'm not going to eat sugar, I'm not going to eat dairy, still going to be on your mind, which is why it needs to be out of sight. So the things that you don't want to do, the bad habits that you have, the little addictions like your phone, let's make it harder for you to just slip into those things. Okay? So let me give you some examples. If you don't want to drink, put the alcohol away, get it off the countertop, get it in a cupboard. Better yet, put it in the basement. If you need to get up early or if you want more sleep, here's what you need to do. Get your phone out of the bedroom. This one simple system, remove the phone from your bedroom will change your life because it won't be there. You won't look at it in the middle of the night.
(00:31:10):
You won't look at it as you're laying in bed. You won't lay in bed and look at it, get it out of your bedroom. You want to know why you can't be trusted? Neither can I? And I'm going to give you a really harsh example of this. Let's say the person you love the most has a really bad addiction. Let's just put it out there. They're addicted to cocaine, okay? You love them. They're trying, they're recovering, they're doing great. Would you ever put an eight ball on the bedside table? Of course not. You are more addicted to your phone than people who are addicted to cocaine. I'm not kidding about this. The research is very clear. And so anything that you have a problem regulating yourself with, get it out of your sight. It's an addiction. I am dead serious about this because I am in that category when it comes to the phone.
(00:32:08):
I know this intellectually in my head. I know that I shouldn't be looking at my phone, which is why I got to get it out of my bedroom so that I don't look at it. I'll give you another example. I for the next 75 days, why on earth would I stock my fridge with the cheeses that I love? I'm not going to because it would be torture. And look, if you can't remove it from your fridge because you have kids who drink milk or your roommates are all drinking alcohol, you can certainly stick the milk in the back of the fridge. You are within your rights to ask your roommates if they could just store the alcohol in the cupboard instead of on the counter. So it's not like they're in your face. You only have to be. And here's what's so cool about removing it.
(00:33:02):
The research shows that when you hack your environment this way, right, this is just a simple system. Get it the fuck out of here. Okay, out of here, we got the outtie out of here. You only have to have that temptation. A tiny bit more inconvenient to have this system work.
Mel Robbins (33:21):
They did this really interesting study at Google where they used to keep m and ms in open bowls at Google, and they were curious in the Google offices. What if we just switched up the system here? And instead of having m and ms in open bowls, what if we put them in bowls that had lids on 'em? The candies are still there. You want to know what happened? Employees ate 3 million less m and ms over the course of a year. Why? Because out of sight, out of mind, making it just a tiny bit more inconvenient to get the candy had people often pass on it and the candy wasn't so tempting because they couldn't see it.
(00:34:04):
And this also proves what you've already learned. Decision fatigue is a real thing. Simply having to consider lifting off the lid before you reach the m and ms created enough friction for people, enough of a pause that it made them not do it. Just like you having to pull open the drawer and pick out your exercise tights often has you walk right past that drawer and not do it at all. So if you want to do it, stick it in front of your face if you don't get it out of your sight, because I promise you, there is going to be a moment where you are going to get desperate and you are going to be wondering, why did I agree to do this thing? You're going to be Zoe standing there at a lunch wanting to eat cake. You're going to be Eric, and instead of turning that treadmill on, you're going to want to take your coat and launch it right on top of that treadmill. Or you're going to be like me this morning as I am standing there in the kitchen and I'm making a cup of coffee and I am pouring this plant-based creamer into my coffee and I'm thinking I would kill another human being for whole milk right now.
(00:35:29):
I even scrounged around in the fridge to see if there was any in there. I'm not going to lie. Not going to lie. Not proud of that moment. It's a moment for Mel Robbins. I'm way more addicted to my whole milk than I thought. Sadly there was. Well, you know what? Not sadly. Thankfully there wasn't any in there. I had no choice because I got it the fuck out of there. I know myself well enough that if I have an option to be a rebel and cheat, I will likely take it. And so I'm glad. I'm glad I choked down the plant-based creamer and I got 69 more days to go. Now let's go to another question. And this one comes from Jack.
Jack (00:36:11):
Hey Mel, it's Jack. I've got a quick question for you. If I start setting goals, how do I know if I'm going to be successful? What's kind of the biggest indicator or way for me to know that I'm on track?
Mel Robbins (00:36:23):
Jack, great question. And it brings me to system number three, and I got to tell you to brace yourself because this is going to sound redon. Callously obvious, but the only way to know that you're on track is to track period. That's system number three. You have to track your progress.
Mel Robbins (36:42):
Again, let's go back to any organization versus outtie organization. You are no longer allowed to track your progress casually in your mind. You need to get it outside your mind, which means you need a system for tracking progress. And so back to 75 hard, I'm going to share with you my daughter's system, which I've stolen. What she did is she created this amazing grid on the wall using post-it notes. And so for every single day of the 75 days, she wrote one through 75 and then created this giant square grid on the wall.
(00:37:21):
And every single evening when she finishes the day, she pulls a post-it note off and pulling that post-it note off that is like, that's like a rip. That's like a yes that gives you the dopamine. That is like a box checked. If you are a to-do list, I love my boxes checked, I love my things in order. You will love checking boxes and keeping track. Another example of this, tracking the miles you run on an app like Strava, or maybe you can just make a grid on your computer and print it off or find one on Google and print it off online, checking boxes either on something you've printed off or on a habit tracker. I personally prefer paper because I'm 54 and I, well Chris, my husband's 53 today. So I had to think about, okay, wait, how old am I? I robbed the cradle.
(00:38:16):
He's 17 months younger than me. It really works. So I sometimes forget to log onto apps. And so for me, you got to understand yourself. You have to make these systems work for you. An app may be the best damn thing that's ever happened to you for when it comes to tracking myself, it's got to be paper. I got to see it somewhere right in front of my face, which is why I use my bathroom mirror. I will also use the wall in front of my computer or the refrigerator places that I know that I'm going to bump into it for you. You may be fine doing it on your phone on a computer, but that system doesn't work for me. And so that's the other thing, kind of be flexible with this. Try things out. See what feels right for you, but tracking your progress, this is not negotiable.
(00:39:07):
Get it out of your head because there is foundational research here. See, you start to get addicted to keeping a streak. Think about Snapchat. Ooh, we got a streak. I don't want to break the streak. Think about, have you ever noticed that you're out? Now everybody's all addicted to be real. And the second that that notification goes off, people are like, we got to do our BeReal today. I didn't do my BeReal today. This is about streaks and progress and not breaking the chain of progress. And so in apps and social media apps, they've gamified this natural tendency in psychology. And so you can do the same. Create a system that's fun for tracking yourself. And remember what I said at the very beginning, Zoe? My cake eaters, my sugar cutter outers, my people who keep making promises that they don't know why they're doing it.
(00:40:02):
Get clear about your why. And remember, if you're doing a grid and you have a day off, first of all, you will know that it's a day off. Shake it off and try to get back on track tomorrow. We don't really want to see two or three days off in a row, but if you're tracking your progress, this is the other magic of tracking it outside your mind. You see it and you're empowered to get back on track the next day. So you can check that box. Love it. And look, I think it's obvious, but also there's research that shows, there's research that's proven that the more often that you track your progress, the greater the likelihood that you're going to succeed. And the chances of your success are even more likely. If you report, you report your progress publicly or you physically record it.
(00:40:51):
So this is what I'm talking about, physically record it, physically record it in an app, physically record it on a piece of paper. This comes from Dr. Benjamin Harkin of the University of Sheffield. Publish this in the Journal of Psychological Bulletin, Harkin and his colleagues, this is not like some one-off study. They conducted a meta-analysis of 138 studies. And you know what that means to us real people here it means that he took 138 studies on goal setting that had almost 200,000 people in it. And when they combined it all and crunched the data, they found that monitoring your progress toward a goal, no questions asked the likelihood that you would achieve the goal. There's no arguing with me on this one. So if you don't want to achieve the goal and you don't want the behavior to stick, I got an idea for you. Manage it in your head.
(00:41:44):
If you're serious about making the habit stick, you're serious about the goal happening, monitor this shit. Okay, let's get serious. Let's stop dicking around here about what you actually want to do. And let's use these systems. We got two more systems to cover, but first I have to take a quick break. We got to monitor our sponsors, listen in, let's hear what they have to say. And then when we come back, we're talking system number four and system number five. I'll see you in a minute. Alright, welcome back. So happy you're here. See, I'm monitoring your progress. You came back, check. So we've talked about the first three outtie systems. Make it visible right in front of your face. Get it out of your head, put it in front of your face. Number two, whatever you're not supposed to do, get it the fuck out of here.
(00:42:31):
Okay? Let's just remove all temptation. You and I are friends, we know we're kind of rebels. We know we can't be trusted until we can be trusted. So let's just get it out of here. Number three, monitor your progress. Okay, we are serious about change around here, which means you got to get it out of your head, get it on paper, get it in an app and get public about it. Okay? Super important about this. Let's talk about system number four. This is another way to get out of your head, okay? Get it out of your mind. Create a plan.
(00:43:06):
I'm going to say that again. Create a plan. We are not talking kindergarten habit here, people. We are talking college level, PhD habit, sticking systems. We're not screwing around. If you want to freestyle in your mind, you are not going to be successful. This is not jazz. We're not just going off the rails here. We are following the music score to the T. You need to plan people. And this comes from a study, a court. This comes from studies, okay? I'm throwing the science at you because a lot of times when the stuff is common sense, yeah, I know I need to plan Mel. Yeah, well then why aren't you doing it? So let me tell you, the research at UT Austin, they found you're going to be more likely to succeed at behavior change if you make specific plans to implement it. Now, I don't mean to insult your intelligence because I think this is obvious, but when you unpack an example of this, it becomes very obvious why you're failing if you fail to plan.
(00:44:17):
So let's go back to 75 hard and my promise and commitment to complete two workouts every single day, one of which has to be outside. It is critical that I plan ahead critical. I am fucked if I don't plan because I travel for work. And so I'm looking at flights right now for a 16 day business trip at the end of January. And as I'm looking at flights, you know what I'm thinking? How the hell am I going to get an outside workout and an indoor workout in and I got to still fly from San Diego back to Boston? Or here's another way that I'm planning tomorrow in southern Vermont, we're going to have four inches of snow on the ground and when am I going to work out and what am I going to wear and do I need the grippy things on my feet because the driveway is like a lose run right now?
(00:45:17):
And what time of day am I going to, am I going to get this done before four o'clock, which is when winter comes and the death eaters are here and it's dark as hell. And based on my schedule, I got to plan this stuff because you know what? If I don't and I just start my day, here's what's going to happen. I am literally going to go, oh, I'll do it later and then it'll be eight o'clock at night. I got to tell you a quick story about my husband, Chris, because this is when it occurred to me that I might be married to either a robot or to the world's most disciplined person on the planet. So Chris started 75 hard for the third time, well over a month ago. And so it was December 21st and we had woken up in New York because we go there every year during the holidays to see a show with the kids.
(00:46:13):
It's just one of our traditions. And Chris exercised at his first workout in the hotel gym in New York. We then drove to Connecticut. We had lunch with his brother, and then we drove up to Boston where we were going to stay with his oldest brother and we were going to go to a holiday party. Now as we're driving to Boston, the weather gets supremely crappy and we are driving in horizontal rain. You can barely see it is foggy as hell. And I'm looking at the time and I'm thinking, we are going to arrive 30 minutes after this big party has started this party with all of our old friends where we used to live in Boston. I was so excited to go to this party and I'm thinking in my mind, Chris hasn't gotten his outdoor workout yet.
(00:47:02):
Could he maybe just stick his head out the window and do some face exercises? Could we do something? Are we going to, I want to go to the party. I'll tell you what, this is impressive. The man said, I have to get this done. I'm like, but it is raining horizontal outside. It is dark. You don't know the neighborhood we're going to. There are no street. He's like, I don't care. I'm doing it. He literally, we pulled outside, we decided to go to his oldest brother's house. He was getting this. He said he would do this and bad planning, fucked him, but he was not going to let bad planning break a promise that he had made to himself. This is what integrity looks like. So we go not to the party, but we go to his brother's house and I sat inside because there was no way I was going to go to that party without him while I knew he was walking in the pouring horizontal rain. And he borrowed a pair of sweatpants from his brother, which were cotton by the way. We're not talking performance gear here and just this big old coat. And the man left and walked for 45 minutes at seven 30 at night in the horizontal 40 degree rain. And then he came in, toweled off, changed his clothes, and we drove to the party.
(00:48:29):
In 26 years of being married to Christopher Robbins, I have never been more attracted to the man than I was in that moment. There is nothing sexier than a person who keeps their word no matter what. And the way that you make it easier to keep your word is by planning ahead. Planning ahead is about looking at the week ahead. And if you're going to eat healthy, figure out what you're cooking for the week every night and then go to the grocery store. And if you're not going to be eating dairy or gluten like I am, this is new for me. I don't normally cook without dairy or gluten. And so this is requiring a lot of planning so that I don't just open up the fridge and hope that somehow this has magically happened that I'm going to be successful. And making a plan is a piece that's super obvious, but it's completely overlooked.
(00:49:27):
You're thinking about what you need to do. Again, you're any organizer rather than getting out of your head and creating a plan out in the real world on paper. And the most basic plan at all is look at your fucking schedule. Look at the weather, look at what's in your fridge, look at what your commitments are. I'll tell you another quick story. It has to do with exercise. Day 4 75, hard. Just like Chris, I didn't make a plan. I exercised first thing in the morning, but I didn't make a plan for the second one. So 8:00 PM rolls around and Chris is like, when are you doing your second workout? And of course I'm looking at the man that walks in torrential rainstorms without blinking an eye, and I'm like, Ooh, I already did my outside workout. I think I will stretch in front of the TV while we're watching Jack Ryan. How's that sound? He put his hands on his hips. My daughter was sitting there too, and he's like, get on the treadmill. Go on.
(00:50:25):
We'll wait. I tell you, in 28 years of being with a man, I don't think I've ever wanted to kill him more than in that moment. But he was right. Failing to plan is planning to fail. So let's go back to Zoe. Hi Zoe. Slice of cake. Four hours in. Don't make yourself wrong. You know what went wrong there? Either you really don't want to give up sugar or you just failed to plan. So if you're planning on cutting out sugar, what's your plan when you go to a party or a restaurant and cake is being served? This is what's called if then planning.
Mel Robbins (51:11):
And it's researched by Heidi Halverson who wrote about this in the Columbia University researcher. And if then planning is a way to keep yourself on task by creating a backup plan if your current plan doesn't work. And here's what's really cool about if then planning, if then planning boosts your ability to stick to goals.
(00:51:31):
And they studied this with exercise from 39% success to 91% success. If it rains, then I'll do this. If I miss my flight, then I'll do that. If I'm going to a party and I've committed to dry January, then I'm just going to bring a non-alcoholic beverage. If a friend invites me over for dinner, then I'm going to email or text him back and say, I'd love to, but I'm trying to cut out gluten and I don't want to be a pain in the ass and have you have to fuss about me. So can I bring something to supplement what you're already making? Because let's face it, if you don't plan ahead, if you don't make an if, then plan, you feel embarrassed, and then you either push your food around your plate like some weirdo or you eat and you break the promise to yourself. So if I don't get exercise done tonight, then I'm not going to binge watch TV tonight. I'm going to get my exercise done instead. If you didn't give yourself enough time to get that side project done this morning, then you're going to finish it at 7 45 tonight after you put the kids to bed. Bada bing bada boom. Pretty cool, right? All right, now let's get to system number five. Do it in the morning. There you go. Do it in the morning.
(00:52:48):
It's that simple. As much as you may want to bitch about being a morning person or getting up earlier, getting up earlier, getting the most important stuff done in the morning, this is the keys to the kingdom. It really is true. Being an early riser is like a first domino that falls. And once that domino falls, you've gotten yourself out of bed an hour, a half an hour earlier, all these other dominoes fall in your life. And I get it. It's hard to do. And one huge way that's going to make a big difference. And you hear me talk about this all the time, and it's because this is one of these domino habits. You do this and it triggers a hole of change. Get your phone out of your bedroom, period. It's a huge way to hack this. You don't want to know another way to get up early, get a puppy because they'll wake you up.
(00:53:45):
They need to be let out. And I've learned this one. You get a puppy and you'll be a morning person. Another one, marry somebody, date somebody. Sleep with somebody who gets out of bed early. Live with somebody who has a great morning routine. And look, it's not just common sense, it's science. Number one, your willpower is the highest in the morning. Number two, your speed of processing, highest in the morning, your ability to focus highest in the morning for the first four hours of the day. And by the way, it's likely to be the time of day that you have to yourself. The time that you can actually control before other people, little people, furry people, and all the commitments at work start taking up your attention and your time. And yeah, I get it. You've got toddlers. Well, that means if you're serious about this, you are going to have to get up a half an hour earlier before they get up, which means you're going to have to go to bed a half an hour earlier.
(00:54:42):
But aren't these new habits and a better lifestyle and feeling in control of your life, isn't that worth it? That's your why. Because if you can get an extra hour every morning, you can get everything done. You can do all the little things that the future you put in place for you. You can read the post-it note on the mirror. You can drink the bottle of water that you set out. You can write in your journal that you put in place on the table in the kitchen. You can pull on those exercise tights that you laid out. You can spend an hour getting things done. Honestly, this has been the secret to my second attempt. And look, I get it. I'm six days in. I'm working these systems like a mother, let me tell you. But this has been the secret. I feel. Six days in, six days in last time was about when I quit.
(00:55:34):
I'm like, this is too hard. I can't do, I can't fit this in. I'm six days in. This feels not easy, but it feels like, okay, I got this. I got my systems, I got my head down. I'm just going to keep on plugging away at this. I'm getting the photo done. I'm getting the outside of the exercise done. I'm getting that done in the morning. And look, it's not a cakewalk, but it's getting done. And here's one more bonus that I want to give you. Okay? You want to supersize all this. Really want to get outside of yourself. You really want to be an outtie organizer when it comes to changing habits. Holy cow, could you please stop doing this in your head alone and get out there and get a friend and do this with literally whether you are texting somebody every day to check in, or you're jumping on Peloton and you're high fiving people or you're in a Facebook group.
(00:56:29):
I got to tell you, the power of a community of people, whether it's your sisters or your high school friends, or it's your neighbors, or it's a group of strangers that are organizing themselves on a text chain, it's incredible. So Chris is doing 75 hard for now. The third time. I mean, basically it's his life. It's not even a challenge for him. This is just his core habits and he is leading a huge group of people through this from around the world, and he has this amazing text chain going on WhatsApp from people around the world. So every single day when I wake up, after I look in the mirror and I give myself a high five and I check the list and I start checking things off. When I finally look at my phone and I see what's going on in this WhatsApp group, it's freaking unbelievable.
(00:57:16):
It is so motivating to see other people outside me, outside of my little sphere of whatever, outside of me, outside of my little tiny town here in southern Vermont, outside of my own little brain, outside of my own little bullshit, seeing all these other people out there doing it. In fact, just two days ago, there was a woman in Iran on this WhatsApp text chain with a video on her morning walk out in a park in Iran just talking about how motivating it is, especially with what's going on in her country with women's rights to be focused on behavior changes that she can make to tap into the power in herself. So when I'm sitting here in the pouring rain in Vermont, bitching about stupid things, it's sort of like, oh, for God's sake smell. Get over yourself. Get your ass out there. Stop chirping about the stupid stuff that give me a break.
(00:58:12):
Doing it with people in an online group, doing it with friends, in a text group chat, doing it with family members. That's what it's all about. That's how you supersize it. The encouragement of people outside of you will tap into the crazy awesome intrinsic motivation inside of you for why you're doing this. I know you're welcome. It's so good, isn't it? Super simple. Six simple systems to make you an outtie organizer and with simple systems, you're going to learn very quickly, oh my God, I'm not the problem. The issue was I was in my head and once I got out of my head and I got all the bullshit I'm not supposed to do out of my house and out of my vision, and I put it right in front of my face and I got one or two or three or a hundred other people to just kind of do this with me, I feel fucking awesome.
(00:59:17):
And I love that for you because you deserve to feel awesome. So, so how about we make each other a promise? Let's just keep chipping away at this day by day. Let's focus on some systems. If you have great ideas for systems, would you share them? Please, please, please, please tag me and tag the podcast online share about what you're learning online. I would love to hear, I would love to learn from you in terms of my own arsenal of systems, because you're probably way more creative than I am. And one more thing, in case nobody else tells you, I want to tell you I love you. I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to get out of your fucking head and to create these systems to support the changes that you want to make because you fucking deserve that. That's right. You heard me say that. You fucking deserve that. Alright, go do it. I love you. Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.
(01:00:47):
Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, bye. God, please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe.
Resources
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- For Closed Captions: Watch on YouTube and turn on “CC.” For instructions to turn on closed captions, click here.
- Learn more about the 75 Hard Challenge
- Dr. Phillippa Lally at UCL, “How are habits formed: Modeling habit formation in the real world”
- Dr. Dan Ariely, What The Hell effect cake example
- The Atlantic: “The 'What the Hell Effect': How We Cheat and Still Look in the Mirror”
- The Mel Robbins Podcast “Goal Setting Toolkit”
- Shawn Achor, The Happiness Advantage; helpful excerpt from the book
- NPR: “What Vietnam Taught Us About Breaking Bad Habits”
- Psychology Today: “Want to Change Your Habits? Change Your Environment”
- Harvard Business Review: “You Make Better Decisions If You “See” Your Senior Self”
- Roy Baumeister: “Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength”
- Study: “Cost-effectiveness analysis of text messaging to support health advice for smoking cessation”
- Study: “Getting to the top of mind: how reminders increase saving”
- The Washington Post: Google M&M study
- Dr. Benjamin Harkin and team: “Does monitoring goal progress promote goal attainment? A meta-analysis of the experimental evidence.”
- Dr. Liyin Jin and team: “The Unexpected Positive Impact of Fixed Structures on Goal Completion”
- Harvard Business Review: “Get Your Team to Do What It Says It’s Going to Do”
- Dr. Heidi Halvorson, “The Science of Success: The If-Then Solution”
- Behavioral Scientist: “Good Habits, Bad Habits: A Conversation with Wendy Wood”
- James Clear: “Keystone Habits: The Simple Way to Improve All Aspects of Your Life”
- Sign up for my free 5-day Wake Up Challenge here
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