So many of you are reaching out and asking how you can help the devastated people of Haiti. There are many ways and the Huffington Post has compiled an amazing list.  Haiti Earthquake Relief: How You Can Help.

You can also go to The Goods: Help Send Relief To Haiti, an online store by Causecast and HuffPost Impact, where you can purchase products for organizations that will be directly used on the ground in Haiti.

The U.S. State Department Operations Center has set up the following number for Americans seeking information about family members in Haiti: 1-888-407-4747

It’s no wonder you feel compelled to help. Even $1 will help – when 100,000 people give $1 …well, you can do the math. Here’s a particular article that I think captures the desperation there in Haiti.  “The Sound of Screaming”: An American in Haiti.

So he brought his son here and was barely breathing, and we worked. He had a head injury. His bone was sticking out of his leg. And we worked with the bed sheets that we’d stripped from the hotel and ripped into four-inch-long strips to wrap around his head and his leg to wrap a splint on, but he died right there today in front of us and had to be just carried off.

Everyone knows this is a hoax, now …right?

Just making sure you knew.

Guess what happened? This blog was hacked. Totally awesome, right? Only the coolest and bestest blogs get hacked. When that happens, you have to get a super-smart, IT-computer guy involved. We have such a person always at the ready, and he broke it down, de-fragged some stuff, fixed the HTML, and got us back on-line. Very exciting.

And now, the lesson to be learned from our being victims of hackers. We got hacked. We were offline for a week or so. It was an inconvenience. Right when we were getting some fantastic guests and blog material, the lights were turned off. And guess what we did? Called in help. Got an expert involved. Focused on the blog and did what was necessary to get it back.

Ours was just a website, and was easily fixed. But just about anything in your life can be hacked – are you ready to respond when your life is hacked?

As important as it is to have a plan and a road map leading you to your goals, it’s just as important to have an alternate route, a back-up plan, and escape routes in mind. When we launched melrobbins.com, and then the blog, we knew we’d have to worry (worry = fear) about hackers, viruses, and spam. When planning all the things the site would be, we made sure we had someone nearby to help us in the face of some trouble.

You could say, we had some fears going into it, and we faced them, and then faced them again when our fears became reality.

A little known fact: 99% of that which we fear never becomes reality. It’s true. Ever wonder what percentage of humans died from SARS, Bird-flu, and Swine-flu so far? According to the World Health Organization,  SARS killed no more than 800 humans, Bird-Flu less than 300 worldwide fatalities, and Swine-Flu, to date, has killed 79. Yet, our fear levels are distorting our reality.

Back to that “little known fact”. 1% of our fears actually happen. So, what are you afraid of, and why? Are you afraid of crowds and social situations? Are you afraid your idea will be laughed at and rejected? That your friends will turn on you? Are you afraid of making that cold-call? Or going to the doctor or dentist? What will they say? Better question – what won’t they say?

Today is National Face Your Fears Day. What makes you fearful? Think about it. Write it down. Make a list of anything making your worry or stressing you out. Then, really look at that list and ask yourself what percent chance each thing has of happening. And finally, do something in the face of the fear you have.

Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/stuant63/

Being that we broadcast on Borders Radio, we’re very lucky to have access to tremendous authors. Two such authors joined us recently about their latest book projects.

First, Caitlin Friedman stopped by to talk about her book Happy at Home, Happy at Work: The Girl’s Guide to Being a Working Mom. Hey. Mel’s a “working Mom”, so this was perfect. As author of the Girl’s Guide series, this latest project takes on a new career milestone with a fresh, modern, empowering, and fully comprehensive guide to life as a working mother. This book looks at what happens when a career girl becomes a mom and her world turns upside down? Can you maintain your ambition and momentum at work while still being the kind of parent you want to be? Of course you can! In Happy at Work, Happy at Home, Caitlin guides readers through every step on the road to having it all.

Caitlin describes herself as, “someone who literally can’t sit down for very long,” Are you the same? Are there more to-do’s on your list than there are hours in the day? Pick up the book. Put it at the top of your list.

Then we welcomed author of Motion Before Motivation, Michael J. Dolpies. He claims his book will show you how to succeed in the world, as the world really is, not the way we all wish it was.

On the show, Michael pointed out the best cure for procrastination is not waiting for things to be perfect. What steps do you take when you aren’t feeling inspired? Answer? The first step. Any step. Ask yourself, “What can I do that’s simple?“

It’s why we dreamed up our 3-day challenge. And in a way, it ties into Mel’s “screw yourself” concept. If you do something …anything, it will force action and reaction.

Do something, now. Join the 3-day challenge. Call us. Take action. Read these books. Make it happen.

Yesterday we talked about how, yes, even the great and powerful Mel Robbins can often get bogged down. Even she can lose focus from time to time, and this leads to a feeling she’s losing control and power. So as we wished a happy Yom Kippur to our Jewish friends, we thought now would be a good time for everyone to refocus and get re-charged.

Join us, won’ t you? Do something – right now – for three days. Mel’s going to journal, meditate, and do a juice-only diet. P.T. is going to run and exercise each day. Hank is going to do something nice for his wife each morning (and we’re going to call her and check). Yours truly, blog-guy, is going to write five things every day until Friday.

Here’s where you join in. Log-in, leave a comment, and tell us what you’ll do for the next three days. Tell us why?  Maybe it’s get outside and walk for 30-minutes each day. Maybe it’s read a book for a half-hour every evening. Maybe make a phone call to someone you haven’t talked to in a while every night. Go on the Atkins diet. Set your alarm a half-hour early and start your day less frazzled.

What will you do for three days? Leave a comment or email us at radio@melrobbins.com. Or call the show at 888-454-3378 …we’re live again today from 11am-12noon on Bordersmedia.com.

What happens in the initial phases and courtship stages of dating? Usually, both parties care about their appearance. Great attention is paid to how one looks and dresses and smells. Hours are logged in front of mirrors making sure hair is done just right. We’ve even known people who might rehearse clever lines to be said over dinner, or an opening, “hello.”

When we first begin dating someone, we care about every little detail. So what becomes of that same relationship, years later, when one person stops caring – about everything?

Tim called last week with a problem not unique. He loves his wife, but he finds himself less attracted to her physically than ever before. But, he adds, the physical appearance is only part of it, and it’s more the inactivity and lack of self-esteem, which lead to her weight gain and their drifting apart, that he’s struggling to look past.

Which comes first? The fat chicken, or the unhappy egg?

Tim has almost, sorta, kinda told her a few times how worried he is about her, and them, and the kids. He’s sorta, mostly said she should do something. They’ve argued. Feelings were hurt. But Mel thinks it needs to all go a step further. Tim needs to stop kinda, sorta saying what he means, and needs to be direct.

“I love you, but I’m falling out of love with you. I am not attracted to you. You don’t take care of yourself. You have to do this for me.”

Obviously, Tim’s wife is mad about something and she’s holding onto weight and being inactive to get at Tim. She’s pushing Tim away as a mechanism for avoidance. And tip-toeing around it isn’t healthy. The only solution is complete honesty – an ultimatum of sorts. Set a timeline. Set goals. Find the bigger problem. Seek a third party, a marriage counselor if possible, to assist.

Sometimes people need a wake-up call. Be direct. Be selfish. Because for Tim and his wife, in addition to the health aspects, attraction, and love …their communication is broken.

Last week we talked alot about Entourage – and, no, we didn’t talk about whether the show is still worth watching or not. We talked about last week’s episode, “Barried Alive”. It showed us a girlfriend Alexis asking her boyfriend if she could read his emails. “Just from the past week?”

The idea is that allowing your girlfriend to read, or not read, your emails is an indicator of how close you are and how solid your relationship is. (the first :45-seconds of this clip quickly recap it).

But as Mel and her husband sat watching this episode and this ethical delimna, it became clear they did not agree on what reading-each-other’s email truly indicated.

Does it show you have nothing to hide? Does the person asking to read emails reveal they don’t trust you? Should you not care? If you have nothing to hide, why be worried? When a woman does this, is she a “stalker?” If someone asks to read your email, is it grounds to break-up? Do you live life in the open? How open should you be?

Does a teenager have the right to keep his or her bedroom door closed and keep things behind that door private from his parents? Does my wife really need to know what I talk about with the dudes at happy hour? Ok, maybe we should just discuss this email issue.

Some say trust is earned. We say trust is given, and then it’s up to the person to keep it or lose it.

Do you read your spouse’s email? Do you let your girlfriend or boyfriend read yours? Do you share an email as a couple (or as a family)? On this last one …please don’t. Email accounts are easy to have and free, and it’s so annoying to write an email to a couple sharing an email account and then having to wait for a response. And what do you do if you ever interview or email someone something important, and they have to ‘reply’ to MikeandSallyandkidsanddog@hotmail.com?

That’s a seperate issue …but how do you feel about email privacy within your relationship? Email, Tweet, call, or simply discuss it with your barber. Let’s make it a healthy, honest, open week.

With all the Obama, Joe Wilson, and health care talk going on, and this blog trying to draw a lesson from it, we’ve gotten a bit serious. Luckily yesterday’s guest, Tim something-or-other brought a little levity to the room with his latest attempt to find a soul mate – the TimWOW! (for those who don’t “get” the comedic premise, click here, then read on).

We were skeptical that this wasn’t just a personal publicity stunt, but he assured us it wasn’t (couldn’t it be both?). I get it. He’s a showy, fun guy who likes things a bit askew. He’s inventive. He’s creative. And look around at your married friends and their wives? Not all wives are created equal, and not all wives would find this endearing or charming – or funny.

Why not? If he finds a girl who thinks this is funny and wants to meet him despite his look-at-me, ego driven ways, what the heck? His passion for entertainment and comedy is apparent, and all we’d suggest is that his passion for life and love come through a bit more. Humor is a great ice breaker and aphrodisiac, but once that passes, a relationship does actually need a bit more. We think Tim got that, and we hope his intentions are in the same place as his heart.

If we had  a single friend who liked silliness and fun, we’d totally tell these two to Facebook each other. Good luck TimWoW.

Why, it’s our own Mel Robbins. You think she’s good on radio …well, just check out how the camera loves her.

The topic was women in the workforce and how 47% of them worry constantly about their jobs.

Over 4,000 women were polled by Women’s Day and AOL, and they found 63% considered their job nothing more than a paycheck.

The nation has been emotionally hijacked a bit by the fear of losing their jobs, not being able to find another job, or friends losing jobs. You may not be at risk of losing your job, but you’re being conditioned to think you might and you should be worried about it.

If you have a job, you are more employable than someone unemployed. If you have a job, take your spare time to update your resume on your terms and if you are really unhappy, take steps now to find a new job.

It’s out there. The dream job …and your happiness and sense of security.

Mel on The Today Show

This is going to seem like  a “political” blog entry for half the people who read it, and a “life coaching” entry for the others. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again, we don’t take sides around here. Issues are not Red, Blue, Donkey, Elephant, Right, or Left, but mainly we take certain news stories and try and analyze them in a way that might be applicable to you, your life, your workplace, and to everyday happenings.

“YOU LIE!”

Of course we’re referring to Rep. Joe Wilson’s outburst in the halls of Congress on Wednesday night as Obama addressed the nation on his plans for health care reform. In a nutshell, when Obama said illegal aliens would not be covered, Joe Wilson claimed he was so overcome with emotion that he accidentally screamed out, “YOU LIE!”

A grown man, apparently, could not control his emotions and couldn’t keep himself from shouting with anger – and let’s not talk about the fact he had the facts wrong, to boot.

Now, I’ll admit, when my 5-year-old had her first dance recital, I couldn’t help myself from tearing up and then shouting my approval – being overcome with emotion does happen. But in the halls of Congress?

Was Joe Wilson having a temper tantrum, the same as 2 and 3 year olds do? And aren’t temper tantrums the result of ignorance, fear, and the feeling of losing control? And isn’t shouting down the President of the United States the very definition of being out of control?

It matters not whether you are in favor of health care reform, the war, our current President, taxes, or Windows Vista, what matters is that you can keep your cool and be mature. Losing control shows poor character.

A healthy, heated debate is often necessary, but positive outcomes typically only happen when we exhibit high character. Honesty. Intelligence. Knowledge. The ability to listen. The ability to communicate.

To use a quick analogy, imagine your meal at your favorite restaurant comes out cold, or wrong. Do you shout and wave a sign? Or do you get the waitress’s attention and explain why you aren’t happy with your meal? And more often than not, won’t your waitress and the manager bend over backward to make sure you’re happy?

The take away points are simple. (1) As an adult, if you want to get what you want, you will have much greater success if you can remain calm, act rationale, and remain in control of the situation and your emotions. (2) The second lesson here is, negativity rarely wins. Fear rarely wins. Optimism and hope win. Positivity wins. (3) And finally, another lesson could simply be to respect a person, a system, and roles. There is a time and place for dissent, for sure, but in this case we had a free election, the people chose, and now the person we chose needs to do his job (oh, don’t worry, we know this same blog entry could have been written every year for the past 8 years …or 16 years if you think about it).

You are probably not sitting on Capital Hill at this moment and passing laws and writing Bills, but chances are you are on a school board, interviewing for a job, welcoming a new boss to your firm, managing  marriage, or just handling your kids. Do we shout and point fingers in these parts of our life? We do not.

May you all have a calm, controlled, happy, and positive weekend.