On yesterday’s Mel Robbins show, we talked about nagging.  Does someone nag you?  Do you nag someone else?  Mel got to thinking about this when her agent, George, and old school, suspender wearin’, handshake-is-my-word sort of fellow, told her a big key to her sucess would be if Hank got himself a haircut.  What?

And after they talked, George mentioned it again to someone else.  Mel can see this is something that’s going to be an ongoing piece of “advice” she’ll be hearing.

Was this truly common sense, solid business advice?  Or, as Mel pointed out, is it something that’s important to George and George alone?

There’s a fine line between nagging, constructive criticism, and heartfelt advice.

This brought us to P.T., Mel’s business partner, and the “nagging” he does with his own father.  In a very emotional on-air discussion, Mel encouraged P.T. and his father to talk about the elephant in the room - unhealthy obesity.  And this obesity, the lack of action, the nagging, and the emotion has taken a toll on them emotionally and, in his father’s case, physically.  Mel got it all out there in the open, and today she’ll revisit with them and put together a plan for both of them to fix things.  Mel talks about “road maps”, now she’ll draw one for a person she cares about deeply, and for the person he cares about.

Does this sound familiar?  Does your nagging stem from deep concern and love for someone, or does the nagging you receive from others have similar origins?  Is the nagging about health, success, and life …or is it just about a haircut?

We then welcomed famed author Gregg Hurwitz to talk about his book “Trust No One”, inspired by his chronic insomnia and the fear that comes from his love for his family and, especially, his children.  The book comes from the concerns and anxieties that come with his current phase of life, as if he’s in over his head.  Currently, he worries (like many of us) that someone’s going to learn he’s a fraud, and he has no business being a parent, a husband, and on-the-loose in the world.  And it was this theme that carried his pen as he wrote this newest every-man thriller.

Check back tomorrow and listen to Mel Robbins at 11am EST to hear what’s next for P.T. and his Dad.  Need your own road map - or at least the first step - call or email.  Make it happen.

Wednesday, Mel once again welcomed Mark Jeffries to the hallowed halls of her Borders Media studios, and as usual, it sent Hank and Steve into fits of jealousy as Mel fawned all over the mega-successful, uber-charming, and metro-sexual Mr. Jeffries.  Eventually, Mel was able to reign the boys in and Mark was able to do what he does best - communicate and help us better communicate.

The ability to communicate effectively is important, and Mel and Mark discussed how the David Letterman versus Sarah Palin jokehas created such a stir.  Palin’s side took offense, Letterman’s side didn’t see anything wrong, and supporters of each lined up and dug in.  Was it a mean spirited joke?  Was it a bad joke?  Was it even funny?  Should the Palins have rolled with it?  Should they be offended?  Was the apology even necessary?

Whatever the answers, one thing is clear, the way in which the joke was communicated and the subsequent name-calling and posturing that followed was a master lesson in communication, good and bad.

Mel then asked Mark for the “power tip.”  Is there anything we can glean from this latest buzz? 

Mark said in order to be a great communicator, one must master the power of listening.  And not in the traditional sense of  ”listening” we’ve heard for decades (hear -> repeat -> affirm), but with a new focus.  Listening, today, means watching, observing, and interpreting, and then adapting what you do and say all as a result of what you see and hear.

It’s about assuming that what someone tells you is not really what they mean. 

To be an effective communicator, you always have to be asking …”What does this person want?”  “What can I give them?”  “How can I make their life easier to make my life easier?”

1. Hear.  Watch.  Observe.  Interpret.
2. Adapt according to what you hear and see.
3. Give in order to receive.

 Here’s hoping Mark visits again, soon.

Mark Jeffries, author of “What’s Up with Your Handshake?” is a consultant to some of the world’s largest corporations, law firms and professional service firms, and is a leader in the field of Strategic Communication and Soft Skills.  Follow him on Twitter or check him out at MarkJeffries.com.

Are you a glass-is-half-full type of person?  Or a glass-is-half-empty?  Better yet, are you a year-is-half-over person or a there’s-still-half-the-year-to-go type?  As we quickly approach July, whichever way you look at things, we’re at the middle point of 2009.

How is 2009 going for you?  Have you made good on those resolutions?  Have you made some headway on your To-Do List?  Or has the To-Do List simply spiraled out of control?  Well, if your name is Mel Robbins, it’s the latter.  Yes, even the supernova known as Mel Robbins gets bogged down from time to time.  On Monday’s show, she talked about all her half-begun, half-done projects and commitments and how she was being held prisoner in her own mind.  There’s her TV show, a 6-day-a-week radio show, a book project, Success articles, fundraising for her company and, last but not least, her kids, family, friends, Twitter updates, using her unused Dick’s Sporting Goods gift card …and her ferns!  Oh, those ferns need to be moved and rotated to get proper lighting.

Holy moly!  When a person starts losing sleep about the location and care of houseplants, I guess that person really needs to take a break and get organized.  Do you have a list like this in your head?  When you are driving or sitting somewhere with a moment to yourself, do you scare yourself silly with all the things you have to do?

Mel did what she calls a “brain dump”, and if your 2009 is spinning into the same To-Do abyss, give it a try.  Take some time and list all your “Do’s”.  To-Do’s, Wanna-Do’s, Must-Do’s, Don’t Do’s, and Should-Do’s.  List everything. 

What you’ll find, hopefully, is there’s quite a few things sloshing around up there in your grey matter that, actually, aren’t important at all.  Some things are going to be super easy to cross off the lists (like moving houseplants into sunlight), and the big ideas and projects are going to come back into focus.

And when we have renewed focus, we can start dreaming again.   And when we start dreaming and focusing, we can get back to “doing.”

Look at the list, again.  Which are quick fixes?  Which things need to go back on the daily To-Do List?  And which things can you simply say, “no” to?  And once you’ve completed this list-making process, you’ll have your very own Premium Personal Peak Performance Power Plan Project.  OK, so we’re not big on the acronyms and “systems” …but we are big on making things happen, and helping people make their dreams into realities.  Call it “ReaLISTic” …get it?  Ahem …sorry.  But ya gotta admit, that would look pretty nifty on a t-shirt, bumper sticker, or book cover.  Forget it.

For now… if your mind is cluttered and scattered …make the list …and get focused.  It’ll make the entire half-a-year you still have ahead of you in 2009 that much better.

Call Mel if you need hand - she’s ready to listen.

What?  You thought the only place to garner Mel’s sage advice was this blog …and her radio show?  And on TV, sometimes?  Thing again.  Mel’s also a weekly contributer to Success Magazine’s blog and, this month, she appears in the pages of the newstand edition.

 This month she discusses how many of us approach the time we have (or the time we don’t have).   Don’t think you have time to read it …well, let that be Step 1 - take some time and read it.  It just might change your outlook on things. 

“Your most important relationship as an entrepreneur isn’t with your investors, your partner, your customers, or your spouse - it’s with time.”

For my birthday this year, I would like an ice cream cake.

Lee and his wife called Mel on Monday …well, Lee called.  Lee had asked his wife if they might call Mel Robbins together, and his wife had said “yes”, but then she forgot and backed out at the last minute.  So Lee called because he feels he still needs some advice, even if he’s getting it on his own. Lee’s primary concern is that he and his wife are going in different directions.

Mainly, Lee wants help and sees the relationship needs tweaking, but Felice doesn’t see that anything’s wrong?

Few things in life can rival frozen sugar frosting or whipped cream, wouldn’t you agree?

Sometimes it’s hardest when there’s only two of you.  It’s very hard to actually have the conversation about what is and isn’t working.  It’s hard to really get down to the truth.  Lee recognized that and had hoped a third party, like Mel, could help make things better and bring things to light.

Yum.  I can almost taste that cake.  How’s it going?  Have you made it yet?

Lee is an easy going kinda guy.  He kinda, sorta has told his wife how he feels.  But he doesn’t want to make a “big deal” out of it.  He’s downplaying the issue, minimizing his own emotions as a defense mechanism, and he’s doing it to avoid the big fight or force a situation that could lead to a break-up.

Where is my ice cream cake?  Oh.  You don’ t know me, when my birthday is, what kind of ice cream I enjoy, and you really don’t know what I want?  But I thought I was clear - I want an ice cream cake.  For my birthday.  Isn’t that specific enough?

No, it’s not enough.  Saying I want a “cake” is like Lee saying he wants a “loving marriage.”  Ice cream cakes come in many shapes, sizes, flavors and forms.  The more specific I am with my order ( ice cream cake featuring an Oreo crust, vanilla ice cream, chocolate fudge, and whip cream), the more likely I’m going to be happy with what I get in the end. 

Lee, like most of us, wants to have his cake and eat it too (groan …sorry).  But simply knowing he wants a better marriage, and even saying it, doesn’t make it happen.  If he only “kinda, sorta” tells his wife that he’s struggling, and she’s only “kinda, sorta” listening and engaged, things won’t change.  Maybe she is happy, as Lee says, but if he’s not, he needs to tell her why.  Specifically.  To the point.  This is true for all relationships, but especially marriages.

If you feel like one of two ships passing in the night, start talking.  As the old Billy Joel song goes, “tell her about it, tell her all your crazy dreams.  Let her know you need her, let her know how much she means.”  Need help?  Call Mel.  Call Mel with your partner might be even better. 

A great relationship?  Make it happen.

If you’re like most parents, you probably have pinned some pretty high hopes and dreams to your kids.  For example, I know a Dad who bought his newborn son a tiny baseball mitt and baseball and put them in the crib each night while the boy slept.  I’ve seen little girls, barely two years old, dancing in recitals, all decked out in pink tutus and sequins. My more scholarly minded friends force their kids to do flash cards, learn their letters and numbers, and to say things in multiple languages. And chances are, every parent does something similar:  pre-school art classes, 3-and-under soccer leagues, ice skating two-year-olds …the hopes and dreams are different for every parent, but find me a parent, any parent, young or old, and I’ll show you someone with high hopes for a better life for their children.

Point is, we all know that if you want to be good at something, you had better start early.

We all put incredible emphasis on these things and then we say things like, “be your best,” and, “practice makes perfect,” and we never let up because, well, we’re pretty sure that someday our children will thank us.  We push, but hopefully not enough to push them away from us.  We coach them, we counsel them, and we try and make sure they strike the perfect balance between academics, sports, and family.  We hope we are a living example they can follow and take into their adult lives.  But ..yet …like this blog entry …often times we’re too shy, too embarrassed, or too uninformed ourselves to talk about …er …um …to talk about …the, uh …”birds and bees?” 

Yes.  It’s S-E-X …and it was the first step in bringing all these li’l future prodigies and world leaders into our lives.  And as important as it is, and the topic is, and as major a role as it plays in our human nature, many of us avoid talking about sex.  Again, we’ll put a sawed off Nike Sasquatch driver into the hands of a two-year old, but we won’t talk about sex.

But you must.  Just like you don’t casually hope that someday your little angels will, somehow, magically learn the piano from their friends, or that proper grammar and good manners will just happen, or that your kids will ask when they’re curious, you cannot wait for your kids to come to you.  Regardless of their age, if you want them to grow up safe, sound, and with a healthy view of sex and their own sexuality, you must start early.

Mel’s not saying it’s easy, or comfortable.  Not at all.  But she is saying it’s a must-do.  And she’s got advice.  Make sure to tune into WTKK-FM on Saturday morning, 8 a.m. to 10 a.m.  And if you can’t do that, try this “The Sex Ed Handbook”, by Dr. Laura Berman (as featured on Oprah Radio). Whatever you do, do something.  Because if one of your goals for your children is that they grow up with a healthy outlook on relationships, on love, and on …um …er …uh, sex. Well, start now.

What’s that old saying? “He put the cart before the horse?”  People often say this as a warning.  When you hear it, it means somebody is thinking you’ve bit off more than you can chew.  Or that you’re being a bit over ambitious.  Perhaps you’d like to be a rodeo clown, and you start with buying a clown costume and perfecting your face paint?  It’s backwards, right?

Let’s say you were hell bent on being a rodeo clown.  Think about the steps you’d take to achieve that career goal.  What’s the first thing you would do?  You’d probably attend a few rodeos and talk to a few rodeo clowns.  You’d ask how they got such a sweet job drawing the attention of an angry bull away from its fallen rider, and you’d ask how you, too, could put yourself in harms way night in, night out.  My assumption is you’d have to start small, working local rodeos, work with other rodeo clowns, learn the nuances of rodeo clowning, and eventually, you’d get a shot on the big stage.  I’m assuming, of course, the first step is not to perfect your face paint.

Now, let’s suppose you had been around rodeos your entire life.  And that you knew quite a few rodeo clowns.  And let’s assume that you’d actually trained and advised a few rodeo clowns in your day, that you’ve ridden bulls, fallen off of bulls, been chased by bulls, and that you’ve got a few scars to prove it all.  But you’ve never actually been a rodeo clown for a night.  What would you do?  We’re guessing, the next time one of the full-time rodeo clowns decides to take a vacation, or when they’re setting the upcoming rodeo clown schedule, you’ll say, “hey, put me down for a couple dates and times.”

Guess what?  You’d be a rodeo clown soon enough.  Why?  Because rodeos and safety are something you know well.  It’s not to say that just because you may not have grown up around rodeos, you still couldn’t be a rodeo clown.  Instead, it’s showing you, through a rather obscure example, how most of us approach our dreams.  Though something big might be staring us right in the face - hopefully not an actual 800 pound bull - we sometimes can’t see it

When Amy called Mel’s show a few months ago, she expressed that she’d really like to speak to women on safety and self-protection.  The topic, for her, was not as far fetched as as rodeo clowning, but instead was something she was already intimately involved in.  And Mel’s advice?  Put the cart before the horse …well …sort of.  See, Amy already knew all about this topic.  This was something she believed in, had a passion for, and she wanted to speak to women about safety.

If her words and wisdom could save even one woman, isn’t it worth it?

Listen how Mel compares Amy’s challenge to that of committing to attending your high school reunion.  Once you commit, well, then you better get busy losing that weight you want to lose and get ready to bring the best version of yourself to show off to your ex-classmates.

Mel told Amy to schedule two or three speeches and presentations, and this ripped her from her comfort zone. 

Do you have a presentation or speech coming up?  Here’s how Mel writes killer speeches.

1. When people listening walk out of the room and someone asks them, “what did you get out of that?”, what will they respond - shoot for 3 things they’ll take away.  Then break your speech into three parts.
2. Bring in personal experience or stories.  In Amy’s case, she’s a police officer, and she needs to lead with that.

Got it?  OK …now go out there and grab the bull by the horns.

Hiya, Moms.  Thanks for stopping by.  We hope you enjoyed a happy, healthy Mother’s Day.  We hope you got to sleep-in, that your family made you breakfast, that you got nice presents, and that everyone was a little nicer to you this day.  We hope, for a day, you had to worry a bit less about the laundry, the bills, the grocery shopping, and everything you do that makes you special, Mom. 

Because tomorrow …well …all bets are off.  It’ll be back to the grind.  But can you do one little thing?  Can you make tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that …can you make that another “Mother’s Day?”  It’s OK .  We’re not asking Hallmark to keep stocking Mother’s Day cards, or for anyone to give you flowers.  Actually, we’re asking you to simply treat yourself to some Mother’s Day-type luxuries a bit more often.

But you have so much to do, right?  The kids have soccer, cheerleading, and glee club this week.  And there’s a PTA meeting Thursday.  And your husband has to go out of town on business this week, and his shirts need pressing, and he asked if you’d stop and get him a new tie because, well, you have a better eye for that sort of thing.

Right, Mel.  There’s a reason Mother’s Day only comes once a year.  One break in all this mad-cap action is enough.  All that other stuff comes first.

Wrong. 

You come first.  That may be hard to wrap your head around, but it’s what you must do …always …and consistently.  If it all sounds too simple, that’s because it is.  The lesson is simple.  To be the best Mom you can be, you need to put yourself, your goals, and your needs first.  Because, when you do, only then will you become an even better Mom. 

Doesn’t it make sense?  If you strive to be your very best, to follow your own passions, and care for yourself first, aren’t you going to be a better example, a better role model, and a better caregiver to your loved ones?  Yes, you will.  And this isn’t about getting a pedicure or buying a new outfit.  This is about looking inward and making sure you haven’t lost sight of what truly drives you. 

And when you shine, your light will shine on those whom you love.

OK.  Enough of this serious stuff.  Let’s get back to thanking all our Moms for already being so great, and here’s hoping they find a way to get even better …because we know their job ain’t easy.  And thanks to the hilarious Anita Renfroe, we’ll never forget.  This is her everything a Mom will ever say in 2 1/2 minutes, all set to the tune of the “William Tell Overture.”

Christian is one of Mel’s favorites.  She’s ‘friended’ him on Facebook, he follows her on Twitter, and he’s a friend of the show.  He’s a deep-thinking, honest, caring, and spiritual person.  Christian has tons of friends who gravitate towards him, and he’s the consummate organizer and planner.  We’ve all got a friend like that.  That friend that just makes things happen.

So it’s very troubling to hear Christian struggling with finding a job for over a year, now.  Not only that, but he’s swimming in self-doubt, over-thinking everything, and as Mel’s oft to say …he’s in his own head, which means he’s behind enemy lines.  What’s worse, he’s even got job offers in front of him, and because of his personal network, he actually has a couple options for a start-up business staring him in the face.

To hear him tell the tale, Christian is worried to get stuck in a career.  He talks about things that might happen or might never happen as if they will happen, but he’s not doing the things even that would get him to that point.

He said, “maybe I’m afraid of success,” and that’s the classic line, isn’t it? Here’s the thing …”fear of success” isn’t even a real thing.  You actually fear failure and feel you might let people down, but you don’t fear success.  Nobody’s actually afraid of that.  Christian is a very lucky person to be surrounded by so much support, and luckier still to have throngs of people who believe in him and his talents.  These people want great things for Christian, we’re sure of it.  These people very likely admire Christian and can’t wait to see what he makes of himself.  In fact, I’ll bet when they get together and make small talk, and the topic of “Christian” comes up, I’ll bet they say things like, “Man!  I can’t believe he can’t find a job.  If he can’t find a job, what hope is there for me, dude?”  (yes, I envision his friends as surfers from California) 

Christian needs to stop being mediocre.  Period.  Because if anything is true, it’s the fact that whatever he thrusts himself into (i.e. insurance), he can bring his passion of collaboration and socialization and charity to that environment and make it better.  And, like Mel tells him on the call, everything he does doesn’t necessarily have to be the end game.  And what you’ll find out in the end is that, someday, the stuff you were mired in that maybe you didn’t love doing, actually helps you later on.  Mel credits her Law degree and years laboring as a lawyer as key assets in what she’s doing now - radio, TV, web, etc.  Don’t ever think the first thing you do is the last thing you’ll do.  It’s probably just a first step in a long, wonderful journey.

If Christian is guilty of anything, it’s not being able to identify his passion.  Can you identify your passion?  Start with that.  Write it down.  Read it aloud.  Tape it somewhere where you can see it over and over.  And, if you still need a little nudge, call Mel.

Everyone told Harry that he needed to leave.  People told him the Lodge he ran faithfully for nearly a half century was doomed.  The warning signs were all there.  But Harry refused, again and again.  He’d survived World War I, including the torpedoing of the Tuscania in February 1918 off the coast of Ireland.  What could be worse?  National Geographic wrote that Harry’s talents included a gift for telling stories eloquent with adjectival profanity. He was an aircraft mechanic in France and a bootlegger in California during Prohibition.  His wife always told him that someday he’d be a legend, and as he stood proud and stoic against common sense, indeed he did.  Reporters flew by helicopter to talk with him, and eventually songs, books, and even a Hollywood movie was made about him.  Ever the storyteller, I’ll betcha ol’ Harry could’ve spun a better yarn than even those Hollywood folk.

Harry Truman ran the St. Helens Lodge up until May 18, when the earthquakes and magma moving below Mount St. Helens eventually could not be held any longer, and the eruptions and gasses eventually buried a 17 mile valley 150 feet deep with ash and avalanche debris.  Among the things buried? Harry and his multitude of cats and his unconfirmed 38 bottles of bourbon - and probably one whale of a story.

Harry’s story teaches us two lessons.  First is that ignoring problems and issues buried just below the surface, both figuratively and literally, will spell doom.  These things don’t simply go away.  Second is the fact that good ‘ol Harry was a talker …and while you can’t talk through a volcano the size and magnitude of Mount St. Helens, you can talk through the mini-volcanoes in your life.

Take caller Nate, from last week, who is sitting on something big.  He quit law school to pursue Divinity School.  Nothing too major there.  He wouldn’t be the first person to give up on law, and pursue another passion.  Well …have a listen and see for yourself.

Nate is sitting on a pretty big volcano, wouldn’t you agree?  And with each passing day, the pressure is building.  Each day that passes is another day that his parents will have to deal with being lied to, and that he’ll have to deal with lying to them.  At this point, he can’t control whether there’ll be an eruption or not, but he can control the size and damage of that eruption.

And all too often, when you allow yourself to be honest and sincere, the outcome is never as bad as you had imagined.  Doesn’t he owe his parents honesty?

What’s on your mind?  Whatever it is, let’s hear it.  Let someone hear it.  Keeping things bottled up and sitting on them is very unhealthy.  Hey, we know it might be painful.  We know feelings might be hurt, disappointment might rear its ugly head, and tears might be shed.  We aren’t saying there’s any way to avoid those things.  But … like Mel told Nate … stop everything, and come clean.  And if, like Harry Truman of the St. Helens Lodge, you are sitting on 38 bottles of bourbon, bring one of them with you when you come clean.  Bourbon makes for a great post confession elixir - otherwise, have some ice cream and chocolate syrup on hand for the teetotalers among us.

And, as always, if you want to do a dry run, give Mel a call everyday 11am-12noon, or Saturdays 8am-10am at 206-905-0770.